Emptiness filled with promiscuity and pleasure that means nothing

[Ovid]

I don't feel anything and I don't care. I seek short term pleasure wherever it presents itself to me and I'm a terrible person for it. I'm unfaithful, I can't express love and when I do it disappears, so how real could it have even been. I have no genuine emotions, I feel like a stranger around everyone I interact with, I'm a leech who does not add anything positive to anyone's life, actually I negatively affect almost everyone I come into contact with like a giant sinkhole. I abuse and mistreat people for my own gain, which like I said means nothing to me as it really doesn't help me feel any better anyway, the empty feeling is just so overpowering at this point. The only time I feel confident in myself is when I see others fail, or interact with people who are handling life worse than me, only in looking down on them do I feel the least bit competent, when I let myself feel superior to them. I have no energy, my passion and drive for anything is basically gone, my passion for life will shine through for a brief moment and I will be manically "up", making plans for my future and feeling unstoppable, feeling so optimistic and ready to take on anything. And then just as easily it all crumbles down just like this and I end up typing out this mess on here. It's the same cycle every time, time and time again I just repeat the same things and go through the same journey and for nothing.
I can't die but I would love to