Venting Emotions

[dead lightbulb]

Why can't I just be at peace before I go? Just a small mental vacation before I finally kill myself?
My anger gets in the way of every. single. thing. My mental activity has slowed down to a sad jog because of the migraines I get. The tension is unbearable. I try so damn hard to keep the negative emotions wrapped up neatly inside but it's taken a toll on me. I can't believe the way I react and feel. I get so angry at everything. Things that don't matter feel feel like the last straw and I find myself yelling internally instead of getting physically angry. I thought at first the anger replaced other emotions but now I feel like anger is the only emotion I have left and to continue feeling human I have to express it. I can't cry. I'll smile at something funny every once in a while, but I haven't felt genuine happiness in a long time. My social anxiety is healthier and stronger than it's ever been. The animosity I have for the people I live with has made it so hard to exist where I'm supposed to be comfortable, on top of the bullshit I have to deal with at school. Stress on my left. Stress on my right. Can't wait to finally build the courage! I'm well overdue.
I just want some rest.

 

[Teddybear]

I, too, have deep seated problems dealing with frustration. Not being able to "handle" (=control) challenging situations makes me angry and when I was younger I used to throw fits of rage over that. Now I just turn to depression, a side effect of old age I guess.

Btw, you've got a natural right to feel bad and even to be anti-social if you chose to. So don't think you are "supposed to be comfortable" just because society tells you too. Many, many people feel like you do - its just that 99% of them would never openly admit it.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's understandable just wanting to finally rest. There does seem to be no real relief from suffering in this existence and it does sound very tiring what you are going through. At least to me there is no such thing as peace in this life, I mean there could never be as long as we have the ability to be conscious and aware of this world. But I hope that you find what you wish for.