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WhiteDespair
The Temporary Problem is Life
- Oct 24, 2019
- 837
I feel absolutely amazing. It feels like anhedonia disappeared overnight. I actually want to read book, play video games and generally think life isn't so bad (maybe alright even).
Last Wednesday night I got home and went into a rage. I upended tv tables, smashed monitors and made one hell of a mess. I dropped to the floor, curled into a ball and wept without tears. It was as if my entire body constricted in emotional pain. I alternated switching between extreme rage and extreme sadness for three days. An item or a thought would have me go one way and another item or thought would send me to the other. I extra-smashed the monitors when they weren't broken enough and I clutched a book and birthday card to my chest as they showed people cared about me. The only things I could do were destroy, weep tearlessly, watch nature documentaries, eat and drink whatever I had around and sleep those 3 days.
Throughout all of this I was on the verge of using one of my bus tickets. I did not use one as you should be able to tell. The thoughts were either to stick a knife in my aunt or myself.
Fast forward a few days and I feel incredible. I feel calmer, and that I burnes out a lot of pain from my childhood and the trauma therein.
Has anyone else experienced this? Did it go away after a time? How long did it last? Did you do anything with the reprieve?
Last Wednesday night I got home and went into a rage. I upended tv tables, smashed monitors and made one hell of a mess. I dropped to the floor, curled into a ball and wept without tears. It was as if my entire body constricted in emotional pain. I alternated switching between extreme rage and extreme sadness for three days. An item or a thought would have me go one way and another item or thought would send me to the other. I extra-smashed the monitors when they weren't broken enough and I clutched a book and birthday card to my chest as they showed people cared about me. The only things I could do were destroy, weep tearlessly, watch nature documentaries, eat and drink whatever I had around and sleep those 3 days.
Throughout all of this I was on the verge of using one of my bus tickets. I did not use one as you should be able to tell. The thoughts were either to stick a knife in my aunt or myself.
Fast forward a few days and I feel incredible. I feel calmer, and that I burnes out a lot of pain from my childhood and the trauma therein.
Has anyone else experienced this? Did it go away after a time? How long did it last? Did you do anything with the reprieve?