H

heylightiforgot

Experienced
Apr 30, 2019
256
I may have to CTB very soon, as my physical health/functioning is declining rapidly and I'm losing the ability to take care of myself. My social worker wants me to admit myself to hospital, which would be an utter nightmare for someone with my condition (very severe CFS/ME), and it is really not unheard of for people to die while under hospital 'care', and I would much rather take control of my own fate. I'm severely intolerant to noise, stimuli etc. My family don't really give a shit or comprehend how sick I am and just leave me to completely look after myself. I feel utterly trapped, and was stupid enough to throw out my SN a few months ago (because I was worried I might take it impulsively).

My options are very limited, especially because it's just hard for me to get out and do things (e.g. couldn't really go shopping for rope).

Is there anything even vaguely 'peaceful' that I could fall back on, especially if things reach a crisis point and I have to do it quickly? Right now, there's:

1. Drowning .. I live near the ocean, but can't imagine this would be pleasant at all.

2. Could try hang on to get my sleeping med refilled (a week or so), as I've mentioned before that I've read accounts where people in ill health have died from relatively low doses of Zopicline (though this is unpredictable and not sure if it would attract attention? Our house is very small).

3. Partial suspension with a belt? Seems like the best option, and hey all the celebrities are doing it, but we live in a flimsy modern townhouse and I just don't know where I would attach the belt. Nothing seems strong enough to support my weight.
 
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Sunset Limited

Sunset Limited

I believe in Sunset Limited
Jul 29, 2019
1,279
I'm sorry about your situation, man. Maybe night-night could also be an option. I hope the best thing for you happens.
 
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woxihuanni

woxihuanni

Illuminated
Aug 19, 2019
3,299
I may have to CTB very soon, as my physical health/functioning is declining rapidly and I'm losing the ability to take care of myself. My social worker wants me to admit myself to hospital, which would be an utter nightmare for someone with my condition (very severe CFS/ME), and it is really not unheard of for people to die while under hospital 'care', and I would much rather take control of my own fate. I'm severely intolerant to noise, stimuli etc. My family don't really give a shit or comprehend how sick I am and just leave me to completely look after myself. I feel utterly trapped, and was stupid enough to throw out my SN a few months ago (because I was worried I might take it impulsively).

My options are very limited, especially because it's just hard for me to get out and do things (e.g. couldn't really go shopping for rope).

Is there anything even vaguely 'peaceful' that I could fall back on, especially if things reach a crisis point and I have to do it quickly? Right now, there's:

1. Drowning .. I live near the ocean, but can't imagine this would be pleasant at all.

2. Could try hang on to get my sleeping med refilled (a week or so), as I've mentioned before that I've read accounts where people in ill health have died from relatively low doses of Zopicline (though this is unpredictable and not sure if it would attract attention? Our house is very small).

3. Partial suspension with a belt? Seems like the best option, and hey all the celebrities are doing it, but we live in a flimsy modern townhouse and I just don't know where I would attach the belt. Nothing seems strong enough to support my weight.

I understand SN comes in about a week for most people, can you buy that much time? If you botch right now, you will have even less say in your life. As someone who suffers from sensory issues, I understand you really need to get it right if there is no other way.
 
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Rachel74

Rachel74

Enlightened
Sep 7, 2019
1,716
I have ME too so I know how you feel. Peaceful for me will be N with sleeping tablets. I couldn't hang my self and I could not jump in front of anything or off anything. Been reading up on SN with is another option.
Have you a family member who can help you? I know if you are in the U.K. it's a no?
 
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Jean4

Jean4

Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
Apr 28, 2019
7,557
I OD'd on my psych meds. Unfortunately, I was found. I don't know if you are on medications, but you can look into that.
 
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Rachel74

Rachel74

Enlightened
Sep 7, 2019
1,716
I OD'd on my psych meds. Unfortunately, I was found. I don't know if you are on medications, but you can look into that.
I did on carbmazapine and it didn't work.
 
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Jean4

Jean4

Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
Apr 28, 2019
7,557
I did on carbmazapine and it didn't work.
I was found. So I don't know what would happen. I took:

30 300 mg Wellbutrin
15 2 mg Xanax
30 200 mg Seroquel
15 .5 mg Ativan
 
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Soul

Soul

gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha
Apr 12, 2019
4,704
If you look in the "list of resources" near the top of the forum, you'll find miles of very educational links. There are even links to "cocktails" of meds that can be successfully used. (There aren't many.)
 
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heylightiforgot

Experienced
Apr 30, 2019
256
I understand SN comes in about a week for most people, can you buy that much time? If you botch right now, you will have even less say in your life. As someone who suffers from sensory issues, I understand you really need to get it right if there is no other way.

I think I can, yeah. My concern was that the package might be labelled if it's from eBay? My mom works at home so might question why/what I've ordered.
I can't stop crying. Can't forgive myself. Can't stop the self-blame. Haunted by terror, panic and concerned I won't even be able to go through with it. It's unreal my life has ended up at this point. But I know if I'm not prepared, things could get very bad. I don't know, I was always well-meaning, mild-mannered, gentle .. I hate this. How the fuck do people go through with it? Does everyone have a 'breaking point'? I'm honestly baffled I haven't found mine yet.
 
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woxihuanni

woxihuanni

Illuminated
Aug 19, 2019
3,299
I think I can, yeah. My concern was that the package might be labelled if it's from eBay? My mom works at home so might question why/what I've ordered.
I can't stop crying. Can't forgive myself. Can't stop the self-blame. Haunted by terror, panic and concerned I won't even be able to go through with it. It's unreal my life has ended up at this point. But I know if I'm not prepared, things could get very bad. I don't know, I was always well-meaning, mild-mannered, gentle .. I hate this. How the fuck do people go through with it? Does everyone have a 'breaking point'? I'm honestly baffled I haven't found mine yet.

You can always order something cheap with it, a present or a treat for yourself, I don't know. I'm sorry it has come to this. I'm just waiting for my stuff as well and my murderer helped me with bank transactions and things, without knowing that corpse smell is difficult to get out of a bedroom where they will want to fuck somebody else. :) There is a little bit of fun in everything in this cruel joke that is life,
 
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heylightiforgot

Experienced
Apr 30, 2019
256
You can always order something cheap with it, a present or a treat for yourself, I don't know. I'm sorry it has come to this. I'm just waiting for my stuff as well and my murderer helped me with bank transactions and things, without knowing that corpse smell is difficult to get out of a bedroom where they will want to fuck somebody else. :) There is a little bit of fun in everything in this cruel joke that is life,

No, it isn't the fact I've ordered something that's suspicious in and of itself, as I ordered a lot of health supplements etc. More she might see it labelled 'Sodium Nitrite' and be curious why I need it (if she knows what SN is .. though there's a chance she doesn't and might just think it's another supplement).
 
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woxihuanni

woxihuanni

Illuminated
Aug 19, 2019
3,299
No, it isn't the fact I've ordered something that's suspicious in and of itself, as I ordered a lot of health supplements etc. More she might see it labelled 'Sodium Nitrite' and be curious why I need it (if she knows what SN is .. though there's a chance she doesn't and might just think it's another supplement).

Aha, combined with some healthy supplement it might escape attention even if it is labeled. I've never got anything from ebay, though, so I don't know if they write anything at all.
 
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Margimet

Margimet

Member
Aug 31, 2019
55
@heylightiforgot , @Rachel74
ME means Multiple Sclerosis?
Do you know *Protocolo Coimbra* from Brazil?
There're groups on Facebook with many people describing their progresses.
 
Rachel74

Rachel74

Enlightened
Sep 7, 2019
1,716
MS is multiple sclerosis and ME is chronic fatigue syndrome
 
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D

Donewith_

Elementalist
Sep 28, 2018
876
Yeah, thats a good idea..
You can order it with some other meds too..it may not raise suspicion that way.
May be order meds that come in bottles
 

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