Eighteen

[LongSeason]

Today I turned 18 and I'm thinking that I'll probably kill myself before reaching my 19th year, honestly I didn't think I survive to today.
I've been having suicidal thoughts for more than two years and I don't know what's going to happen to me from now on.
I've just become an adult and yet it feels like I already lived my life, like nothing's going to change, as if living would be prolonging it uselessly.
However it's not like I'm completely alone.
I have few friends and they are great people and I can genuinely smile when I'm with them.
They are the only thing that have kept me from killing myself, I was about to hang myself last summer but I changed my mind before actually going through with it.
I want to die so bad, but even only the thought of doing that to my best friend and hurting her makes me burst into tears.
I know many of you are going to say that I'm too young to kill myself, but I really don't know what to do, everything is going to shit in my life.

 

[goodbyeimoutt]

Hey. I am one year older than you and i've been feeling the same. Do you have the thing where your mind literally doesn't shut up? Like you keep arguing with yourself about how your life won't get any better etc? Just wondering because our thoughts are similar

 

[DepressionsAHo]

When you're ready. You're gonna know your ready. It's a feeling that comes over you. It took me years to get to the point where it wasn't just a desperate attempt but rather a cool logical and well thought out attempt. If you're still at the stage of crying at the thought of hurting other people I don't think you're ready to go through with something like this
Wait it out. Have you tried anything to make yourself feel better?

 

[omoidarui]

i personally think eighteen's still too young to be sure it won't get better. i would describe being aged eighteen as a low point in my life, and every year since then has been a happier one for me. in spite of being considered adults at eighteen, we are still developing emotionally. however, it is your decision.

 

[Soul]

Happy birthday, @LongSeason

Having good friends is a huge great thing. Hang onto that! If you want to talk about what's making you unhappy, we'll listen. So will your friends, I bet. (((Hugs)))

 

[Letmego. Please]

Happy Birthday @LongSeason

Hang on to those friends, i have been where you are, wanted nothing more than that at your age, as like you it had all been shit so far. But i promise you that the 18yrs you have lived so far do not define how the next few years will go, the one constant in life (other than death) is change, for better or worse things & the situations you find yourself in will change, 18 is still way too young to decide that what has come so far will be forever, nothing last forever & change will happen if you give it a chance, plus you have good friends, something a lot of us lack so please stop thinking this is what you have to do, at least give adult (21+) a try & then see how you feel.

It's all too easy to say you won't feel any different in a yr or two's time, but the thing is you cant know, anymore than i can know that my life as a depressed old bugger won't randomly change again for the better.

Take care please...

 

[Ashpac]

Today I turned 18 and I'm thinking that I'll probably kill myself before reaching my 19th year, honestly I didn't think I survive to today.
I've been having suicidal thoughts for more than two years and I don't know what's going to happen to me from now on.
I've just become an adult and yet it feels like I already lived my life, like nothing's going to change, as if living would be prolonging it uselessly.
However it's not like I'm completely alone.
I have few friends and they are great people and I can genuinely smile when I'm with them.
They are the only thing that have kept me from killing myself, I was about to hang myself last summer but I changed my mind before actually going through with it.
I want to die so bad, but even only the thought of doing that to my best friend and hurting her makes me burst into tears.
I know many of you are going to say that I'm too young to kill myself, but I really don't know what to do, everything is going to shit in my life.

Happy birthday.

I knew at 16 my life would be shit and guess what? at 32 i knew i should of killed myself at 16 because i was right.
Some people might have their life turned around into something positive but for me, every year got worse.
I really regret not ending it years ago instead of telling myself it would get better.
Do whats best for you and what you really want deep down. What ever it maybe.

 

[LongSeason]

Hey. I am one year older than you and i've been feeling the same. Do you have the thing where your mind literally doesn't shut up? Like you keep arguing with yourself about how your life won't get any better etc? Just wondering because our thoughts are similar

Yeah, at time I start telling myself that I am never going to find someone romantically interested in me or that my friends don't care much about me and that things would be better off without me.

When you're ready. You're gonna know your ready. It's a feeling that comes over you. It took me years to get to the point where it wasn't just a desperate attempt but rather a cool logical and well thought out attempt. If you're still at the stage of crying at the thought of hurting other people I don't think you're ready to go through with something like this
Wait it out. Have you tried anything to make yourself feel better?

I have.
I tried working out a bit, but I want to improve it some more.
In the past I've considered learning guitar so maybe I could try that.

Happy Birthday @LongSeason

Hang on to those friends, i have been where you are, wanted nothing more than that at your age, as like you it had all been shit so far. But i promise you that the 18yrs you have lived so far do not define how the next few years will go, the one constant in life (other than death) is change, for better or worse things & the situations you find yourself in will change, 18 is still way too young to decide that what has come so far will be forever, nothing last forever & change will happen if you give it a chance, plus you have good friends, something a lot of us lack so please stop thinking this is what you have to do, at least give adult (21+) a try & then see how you feel.

It's all too easy to say you won't feel any different in a yr or two's time, but the thing is you cant know, anymore than i can know that my life as a depressed old bugger won't randomly change again for the better.

Take care please...

I hope things turn for the better, but I don't really know anymore.
Best of luck to you too.

 

[Egddios]

Today I turned 18 and I'm thinking that I'll probably kill myself before reaching my 19th year, honestly I didn't think I survive to today.
I've been having suicidal thoughts for more than two years and I don't know what's going to happen to me from now on.
I've just become an adult and yet it feels like I already lived my life, like nothing's going to change, as if living would be prolonging it uselessly.
However it's not like I'm completely alone.
I have few friends and they are great people and I can genuinely smile when I'm with them.
They are the only thing that have kept me from killing myself, I was about to hang myself last summer but I changed my mind before actually going through with it.
I want to die so bad, but even only the thought of doing that to my best friend and hurting her makes me burst into tears.
I know many of you are going to say that I'm too young to kill myself, but I really don't know what to do, everything is going to shit in my life.

Happy 18th birthday :)

You just made the cut, btw. The under 18 crowd has been controversially banned from this site.

 

[Nameless101]

Happy birthday
In my opinion it will get better. I'm 18 too. We're still very young. I wish you all the best.

 

[ExitTheDay]

I know what you mean about how it feels like your whole life passed by at this age, when I turned 18 it feels like this bitter shell of being an "adult" grew over me, I always wanted to be one as a kid but it's not really what anyone should expect at such an early age, I'm glad you have friends that make you smile and are there to support you 100%... keep your bestfriend close because it really does seem like she makes you happy, happy birthday

 

[DepressionsAHo]

Yeah, at time I start telling myself that I am never going to find someone romantically interested in me or that my friends don't care much about me and that things would be better off without me.

I have.
I tried working out a bit, but I want to improve it some more.
In the past I've considered learning guitar so maybe I could try that.

I hope things turn for the better, but I don't really know anymore.
Best of luck to you too.

I'm not gonna push you towards trying it but what about therapy and other such things? You've had suicidal thoughts for 2 years. That's a relatively short amount of time to be thinking about them. 16 is definitely an emotional year for everybody. For the vast majority of people, things do get better. I LOVE long car rides and listening to whatever I want. You even said yourself you'd like to try other things so I'd encourage you to try them. Try it all out before making such a decision