Eating disorder?

[unHumam]

Is anyone else on here suffering from an ed? How has it effected your desire to ctb?

 

[jodes2]

I struggle to eat. It feels like a chore. I'm underweight. My gf criticises me for not eating enough. I struggle to eat once a day, I just don't get hungry. I don't know if it's an eating disorder. I don't get suicidal over it but I hate the pressure, it can make me feel depressed

 

[Forest Fire]

Not diagnosed with anything but a significant part of my thoughts on any day is counting down to when i have to eat next to hit my calorie intake for the day. It's one of a lot of things that add to my stress which affects my mood and ability to sleep, which is one of the reasons i'm on this site. I used to love food and cooking in general but every meal is a slog now. Recently went through a phase where i just ate when i was hungry and lost two stone in two months. I'm usually the lower end of a healthy weight so this messed me up quite a bit.
Don't know if you are under/over eating but sorry you are having to deal with this

 

[Marine]

I have "fasting bulimia" atm (ie I fast as a purging method instead of vomiting because I suck at vomiting except I can only fast for a maximum of 2 days so pretty useless). This is the type of ED I've had the longest. It obviously makes things a billion times worse (because it prevents me from being skinny and beautiful, and is excruciatingly painful and crippling) though it's only a consequence of the loveless curse that does not relent no matter what I try to adress it.

 

[sick.faery]

i juggle between anorexia & bed so your not alone. and yea but not so much when i'm my more ana phases, but when i'm in my binge phases yea especially if go over a certain weight i'm always depressed and feel so fat and only think about calories, and how ugly my body is getting constantly. it puts whatever pieces of a life on hold also because i'm really extreme with how my body looks and cant bring myself to go in public or interact with people once i get to a bmi of 23 half of the time. and once you go to the overweight side like oh so slightly i'm housebound, cant be caught in public over a bmi of 24 ever

 

[livingdeadgrl]

I struggled with ed in the past. It's interesting because sure I have low self steem, but that was not the reason why I started in the first place. I guess it was just some kind of self harming, you know? Search for pro-ana tumblrs, call myself names, punish myself for things, do exercise till I barelly pass out. I didn't just wanted to be thinner, I wanted to be sososo thin that people would look at me and feel to urge to take me to hospital. I was 13, that was my very first suicidal thoughts so far as I remember, I was secretly hoping to die by doing this.
Are you currently suffering with an ed? If you wanna talk about it, I'd be honor to listen, it's not easy.

 

[vultureilse]

definitely contributes to me wanting to die. i have ednos and basically have periods of starving myself and losing weight and then binging all of that weight back and hating myself and then it repeats. its kinda like switching between anorexia and binge eating disorder. im just stuck in this really exhausting cycle but im unable to break it

i have a bunch of physical health issues caused by my ed and theyre just getting worse and worse over time. not very severe stuff yet but all of it does impact my ability to function a lot

 

[recovered21]

I've been diagnosed with anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorder over the last 10 years. Currently, I'm it's complex. I still struggle with binging, and I quite like being nearly underweight again. I have a medical need for a special strict diet and I regularly cheat on it as a self-harm method.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Probably some flavor of ED-NOS.

 

[sheepgirl]

Used to suffer from a restrictive Ed - lost nearly 50kg. But now have binge eating disorder and have gained it all back + more and am obese. It is one of my primary motivators to CTB. Nothing I do works to overcome it. I truly would rather die than keep struggling and gaining weight.

 

[xzyxzy]

I binge and it's terrible. It's definitly a contributing factor.

 

[lionetta12]

Is anyone else on here suffering from an ed? How has it effected your desire to ctb?

Anorexia and body dysmorphia suck and it's confusing, I never know how I truly look like and have to ask others for their opinion instead because I have no idea how I really am since I can't see an accurate picture of myself in the mirror.

 

[Abyssopelagic]

I have anorexia that ebbs and flows in severity. When it's at its worst and food is all I can think about, there is so much physical pain (headaches, muscle pain, stomach pain etc) on top of the stress, difficulty concentrating that makes work impossible, the shame, and desperation for control over my body and life, that it can make me want to ctb on its own. If I'm already in a low place, it can get really intense, and I could easily see myself letting the anorexia kill me by itself if it got that bad.

I was in remission for a while last year which was honestly very freeing, even with the large amount of weight gain that I saw as a sign of recovery, but I'm falling back in it again. I like to think I can pull myself out of it eventually but it's hard, and the constant cycle of it is so exhausting.

 

[weightedrocks]

Bulimic here. Dunno I think my Ed is kinda separate from my suicidal thoughts but when I get in like just massive self insulting loops I do call myself fat and ugly and stuff so I guess it does lead into it.

 

[haibiantou]

my ED is definitely linked to wanting to die
i don't have a diagnosis currently but i fuck around with bingeing, purging (vomiting), and controlling/obsessing over exercise & calorie counting
i'm active on an ED forum and it always surprises me how people on there don't want to die from their ED
like, for me it's like 'yes my behavior might kill me but that's kind of the point??'
for me my ED is like the slow burn suicide attempt
maybe i will end up going through with a proper method like jumping or overdosing
but if i manage to literally starve myself into death, i am also okay with that (and would lowkey be proud that i managed to stick to restriction because i am such a chronic binger ugh)

 

[katyhere]

My eating disorder is the main reason of why I want to ctb. I was in recovery but have been relapsing really bad. Everytime I binge it makes me feel so completely hopeless and amxious that I want do ctb. However I am too scared. But it feels like I am never going to get rid of this eating disorder and it´s ruining my life. And that makes me feel so terrible that I´d rather be death I´d rather die than having an eatind disorder for the rest of my life. Howver, some days go well and the feeling of wanting to ctb will fade. Only for me to relapse again and wanting to ctb again. So yeah, this is a constant stuggle and I feel for anyone with an ed and their struggles <3

 

[Gaga786]

Binge eating disorder thanks to the medications prescribed by a psychiatrist. Im 20 years old yet 100 kg. Every little thing is against me. I remember being normal weight and quite healthy for my age until those medications destroyed it all