SinisterKid
Visionary
- Jun 1, 2019
- 2,113
Waiting, waiting, waiting. Everything is about waiting. Fuckin tired of waiting. Fuckin tired of being tired, but wait I must, so wait I will.
I feel that peace descending again. I remember i so very well from the very first time. I knew it would happen, just not how or when, then it did. This time is a little different. Hence the wait. But the knowing, that seems to do the trick, that is the crux of it. Now its just about counting the days. Waiting.
So until the wait is over, I can rant and rave a little in my frustration of playing the waiting game again.
I have now come to the conclusion that I never really stood a chance in this life. There is a genetic defect somewhere in the family DNA. My sister attempted numerous times in her teens, how serious they were, only she can know. My uncle was on "happy pills" for as long as I can remember. What exactly they were, I do not know, only that he took them regular as clockwork, usually with a whiskey and dry ginger which was always his favourite tipple. My dear bro [tosser] despite his fervent religious beliefs has been on anti depressants for donkeys mainly due to his husband beating bitch of a wife. My dear beloved mother, last week ends up on a 4 week section after yet another OD attempt. I mean, how much more screwed up does it get? Talk about dysfunctional. As I am the youngest of them all, is it any wonder I am here, looking for my way out of this misery someone deemed to be a life? And so I wait.
No one knows of my plans, not a soul, not even anyone here apart from one guy who put me on the right road to where I want to be. My DLA is ending, today was my PIP assessment. Oh what joy. Begging someone to give you enough money to survive on is not my idea of fun. But that is what it amounts to. Please Miss, write a favourable report for the man at the DWP so I can afford to pay my rent next month. Civilised society? what a fuckin joke that is. I hope to not be around for the decision, fuck em. So I wait.
Tomorrow, I go to see a woman about a bad neighbour who is wreaking havoc most weekends. I live in a purpose built block and the 3 of us who lived here for the last 10 yrs or so, treated each other with consideration and respect. This new tenant, fuck me, what a inconsiderate little tart she is. Sly with it. Her cronies turn up at all times of day and night and just do as they please. To get rid of the little fuckers, its all about following protocol and using the right channels. Me, I just want to tell em, stop the fuckin noise or I break your legs. Not the lass herself, but the fellas who land and use the place as a doss house. The poor little bairn she has is not going to have much of a life, thats for sure. So tomorrow, we beg,, again, for something to be done about the situation. They want to have a "action plan" that we agree to. So I wait.
I am trying so hard to be patient. Sitting here, typing away and my partner not 6 feet away and she has no idea what I am thinking or reading or doing. Soaps you see. As long as nothing interferes with the soaps, all is well in the world. Fine. I found yesterday, my right testicle is the size of a lemon. I tried to get her to check it out, but she was busy doing her hair as we were going out. Fuck it. So I wait.
But hopefully, the wait will be over soon and I can go to join the great gig in the sky, where I belong. All this begging and waiting is just so draining and I am already running on empty. Not that anyone appears to notice. I just dont have any more to give. My energy is not being replenished by sleep or food. My battery is not recharging. And so I wait.
Toodle fuckin pip
I feel that peace descending again. I remember i so very well from the very first time. I knew it would happen, just not how or when, then it did. This time is a little different. Hence the wait. But the knowing, that seems to do the trick, that is the crux of it. Now its just about counting the days. Waiting.
So until the wait is over, I can rant and rave a little in my frustration of playing the waiting game again.
I have now come to the conclusion that I never really stood a chance in this life. There is a genetic defect somewhere in the family DNA. My sister attempted numerous times in her teens, how serious they were, only she can know. My uncle was on "happy pills" for as long as I can remember. What exactly they were, I do not know, only that he took them regular as clockwork, usually with a whiskey and dry ginger which was always his favourite tipple. My dear bro [tosser] despite his fervent religious beliefs has been on anti depressants for donkeys mainly due to his husband beating bitch of a wife. My dear beloved mother, last week ends up on a 4 week section after yet another OD attempt. I mean, how much more screwed up does it get? Talk about dysfunctional. As I am the youngest of them all, is it any wonder I am here, looking for my way out of this misery someone deemed to be a life? And so I wait.
No one knows of my plans, not a soul, not even anyone here apart from one guy who put me on the right road to where I want to be. My DLA is ending, today was my PIP assessment. Oh what joy. Begging someone to give you enough money to survive on is not my idea of fun. But that is what it amounts to. Please Miss, write a favourable report for the man at the DWP so I can afford to pay my rent next month. Civilised society? what a fuckin joke that is. I hope to not be around for the decision, fuck em. So I wait.
Tomorrow, I go to see a woman about a bad neighbour who is wreaking havoc most weekends. I live in a purpose built block and the 3 of us who lived here for the last 10 yrs or so, treated each other with consideration and respect. This new tenant, fuck me, what a inconsiderate little tart she is. Sly with it. Her cronies turn up at all times of day and night and just do as they please. To get rid of the little fuckers, its all about following protocol and using the right channels. Me, I just want to tell em, stop the fuckin noise or I break your legs. Not the lass herself, but the fellas who land and use the place as a doss house. The poor little bairn she has is not going to have much of a life, thats for sure. So tomorrow, we beg,, again, for something to be done about the situation. They want to have a "action plan" that we agree to. So I wait.
I am trying so hard to be patient. Sitting here, typing away and my partner not 6 feet away and she has no idea what I am thinking or reading or doing. Soaps you see. As long as nothing interferes with the soaps, all is well in the world. Fine. I found yesterday, my right testicle is the size of a lemon. I tried to get her to check it out, but she was busy doing her hair as we were going out. Fuck it. So I wait.
But hopefully, the wait will be over soon and I can go to join the great gig in the sky, where I belong. All this begging and waiting is just so draining and I am already running on empty. Not that anyone appears to notice. I just dont have any more to give. My energy is not being replenished by sleep or food. My battery is not recharging. And so I wait.
Toodle fuckin pip
