Discussion Earliest you felt suicidal in life?

[suffocatingseraphim]

Do you remember the first time you felt actively suicidal in your life? Or the first time you noticed that ctb was the largest overall option to follow?

I remember my first direct thought of ending myself, or causing enough harm to be fatal, was around the age 6 or 7. Maybe as early as 5, but I can't say for certain.

My first strong and genuine decision that I was going to die by ctb was around age 14 or 15, and I've stuck with it since.

Do you remember what life was like prior to this, or what caused your first thoughts and actions adjacent to ctb? I sure as hell can't remember mine haha.

 

[KiraComplex]

probably 6 or 10. i didnt want to kill myself per se, i just didnt want to exist. to disappear forever.
ive really started to feel suicidal at 11.

 

[FrostMonolith]

I started feeling so when I found out my parents' true intents of raising me

 

[randomz]

I think I was around 18 years old when I first became suicidal. Then there were a couple of good years and now I have been actively suicidal since august last year. My meds are helping me with this thoughts for now though.

 

[Painless_end]

23. First job. 15 months in. 2012.

 

[skippingrecords]

I was around 11 years old, tried to hang myself with a blinds cord. Since then, not a day has gone by where I don't think of it as an option.

 

[Mr2005]

2010

 

[Tasdevil]

when I was 13 years old

 

[bpdandme]

From the ages of 8-10 I used to sit on the edge of my window and want to jump, then when I was 10 I thought I could overdose on antihistamines and when I was 11 I thought I could commit suicide by solvent abuse. I thought it would be so easy when I was younger but I'm still here at 23.

 

[Timetodie90]

I was about 9 years old. My dad had been shouting at me again for no reason. He was always horrible to me. So I remember I got a large bread knife and went to slice my leg open but as far as I got was cutting my shorts and scratching my leg. My mam asked why my shorts were cut I said I caught them on a thorn. As for life before this it was a mixture of sadness and joy I guess. Now 20 years on I want to ctb more than ever I guess this will to ctb never leaves us.

From the ages of 8-10 I used to sit on the edge of my window and want to jump, then when I was 10 I thought I could overdose on antihistamines and when I was 11 I thought I could commit suicide by solvent abuse. I thought it would be so easy when I was younger but I'm still here at 23.

I used to do the sitting on my window thing. I used to think ah if only I lean back and fall. I done it for years from about 11 to 18.

 

[gnomeboy17]

I think it was about 8 that I first started not really wanting to live, then at 9 I said in class that I "want to commit suicide" but I didn't mean it much.
at about 13 it got worse and I passively wanted to kill myself.
Then December 2019 (age 17) it got a lot worse and I was going to ctb February 20th but didn't, so now I'm back to passively suicidal

 

[Mooshi]

My life started to go downhill ever since I was 6. I became passively suicidal around age 11-12, became actively suicidal when I turned 14. I have been since then

 

[Smashingairwaves]

like 13 or 14. I felt depressed for a few years before that, but didn't really know what those feelings were. Became actively suicidal when I was 17.

 

[kamakura]

let's hunt for hunters. weak humans, can only use weapons to kill animals.

https://www.cbc.ca/natureofthings/features/Conservationist-mourns-Victorias-famed-lonesome-wolf-Takaya

 

[Yomyom]

I think when I was around 9 years old don't really remember, it wasn't really suicidal, I'm just very unstable so almost every time something went wrong I prayed to die so much.
I'm suicidal for 6 months, when I realized nothing going to change

 

[BPDbitch]

My mental illness started rearing its head when I was around 9, and the earliest suicidal thoughts I remember having was thinking that snipping my wrist with kitchen scissors would be enough to end it. I remember being preoccupied with death a lot younger. There was a game I used to play when I was like 5 which involved me being killed by an animal then I'd just pretend to be dead for ages

 

[sadgirl2002]

As far as I can remember, I would say when I was 13. However, it probably started from childhood because of my family problems and home situation.

 

[oneofthoseyoudontwan]

24 years I'm 26 know, don't wanna reach 27.

 

[racek]

When I was about 5 years old

 

[Vault of Memories]

13

 

[CatholicGuilt]

I was 11. I wrote a poem called, "Contemplating Suicide."

 

[maggot666]

14

 

[qwerty_in_me]

second grade, so about 9-10 the thought of ceasing my existence came to mind, then at 14 the suicides started coming to mind and two attempts at 17-18; failed, shocker! amirite?

Keep Cool, Stay in School
-qwerty

P.S. here's a pastebin link to an esay I submitted to my therapist. The last paragraph is of your interest:

 

[Hollow Point]

Not until my mid 20's when I started to get a harsh understanding into the reality of what the rest of my life will likely turn out to be.

 

[meles_inoris]

I was 12 when I threatened to kill myself in school. Up until recently I never wanted to actually ctb. But now I think about it almost every day. I don't even want to see a hospital because I know I'm going to die. And there's nothing that can stop me.

 

[thepolarbear]

My 7th birthday.

 

[revolucion]

Do you remember the first time you felt actively suicidal in your life? Or the first time you noticed that ctb was the largest overall option to follow?

I remember my first direct thought of ending myself, or causing enough harm to be fatal, was around the age 6 or 7. Maybe as early as 5, but I can't say for certain.

My first strong and genuine decision that I was going to die by ctb was around age 14 or 15, and I've stuck with it since.

Do you remember what life was like prior to this, or what caused your first thoughts and actions adjacent to ctb? I sure as hell can't remember mine haha.

28.

 

[Natsu Suki]

When i was around 13 I remember wanting to not exist, at 15 it hit me that I was severely depressed. Then around 16-17 is when I began to think about ctb being a option, ever since then I've just been waiting for a opportune time where no one will be hurt by my departure and I'll just be forgotten about.

 

[Rockman]

I was 13 yr old. Bullying in school started. But first serious thoughts was around 20 yr old. My abusive girlfriend lead me to really poor condition.

 

[any%]

I had to do social work in a senior center due to a school project called "compassion" when i was 13. I liked to steal back then, all sorts of things, just to see if i can pull it off. I stole syringes and butterfly needles from the doctors room. I tried to inject a few ml of air in my veins, because I heard you could die if there is air in your bloodstream. But i hit an artery and it hurt like hell and after getting an inflated knot in the artery i stopped. I dont really know why I was already suicidal at that age.
Anyway, i remember that i went to bed that night, convinced that i wont be there tomorrow & i never fell asleep so easily and happily ever since.