ctbcat
Yes, the everlasting contrast.
- Jul 14, 2023
- 183
was meant to be dead 4 days ago - each day since has been a constant debate... it's like that one quote - 'do i drink coffee or kill myself?' ... every decision, compiled into that... every bit of anger and sorrow, solved by a plan i keep trying to chase... but the days are so long, and it feels like each extra day i live everything just gets so much worse for me, and i can't... do anything. what am i supposed to say? i must pretend - i can't impulsively ctb otherwise if people can tell i'm anything more than depressed.
i think i'm gonna start packing ctb tools with me in my bags - to do it at a moment's notice, once the impulse hits... ah, i should've just went... i should've just went... maybe my troubles are temporary and... whatever, it doesn't MATTER to me. maybe this is throwing my life away, but... i'm already doing that alive, anyway. i'm tired. so very tired. the tired only eternal sleep can cure.
it's every single thing you can weaponise against me - selfish, irrational, whatever else... but i stopped caring about anything, even things like that, a long time ago.
i think i'm gonna start packing ctb tools with me in my bags - to do it at a moment's notice, once the impulse hits... ah, i should've just went... i should've just went... maybe my troubles are temporary and... whatever, it doesn't MATTER to me. maybe this is throwing my life away, but... i'm already doing that alive, anyway. i'm tired. so very tired. the tired only eternal sleep can cure.
it's every single thing you can weaponise against me - selfish, irrational, whatever else... but i stopped caring about anything, even things like that, a long time ago.
