![N33dT0D13](/data/avatars/l/58/58831.jpg?1712429408)
N33dT0D13
Xe/It
- Apr 2, 2023
- 315
I actually feel really really good today!! I hung out with my godmom all night / morning and she was super nice and I've been dancing and singing and laughing all day and I still super wanna die!! It's honestly so funny to me X3
Like I was afraid of feeling happy again when I felt it cuz I was worried it would be a false hope but, it's so good... It's all I can think of lmao I know I can't kill myself but I can very easily isolate and do a bunch of dumb shit that could very easily end up with me dead and it might be fun! Like deadass maybe dying would exciting, like a rollercoaster! I thought I'd die on a rollercoaster, me and my best friend at that time's first real rollercoaster, I genuine thought it would launch me into the air and I'd fly fly flyyyyy then SPLAT lmao and it was awesome!! Terrified the shit outta me but it felt GREAT after and dying in certain ways could just be that without an "after" lmaooooo
Like even the shit that makes me happy is stupid as hell which both amuses me and makes me wanna die more lol watching this livestream and giggling thinking about being stabbed in my face and/or chest lmao, I'm genuinely so excited, my friend asked if everything's alright and I wanna tell him things are BETTER than alright, I feel perfect, but he... Well honestly 50/50 if he asks why, he might just accept that I'm happy and not pry further but I don't wanna risk him asking why I'm so happy cuz he so wouldn't get it lmao he's not even a normie but he soooo wouldn't get it like at all
But it's so good :D
It'll be so good X3
I don't plan on anyone knowing exactly what happened to me but maybe if my body is recovered with a smile on it, it'll make anyone who might theoretically be sad about it, less sad? lol I died doing what I loved, being an unstable piece of shit lmao, put on some clown makeup and go out and get mauled by wolves or smth XD
Like I'm not even lying, I'm genuinely so happy and also genuinely want to die so much, the human mind is a trip lol I wanna OD, maybe I can drink myself to death lmao XP
It honestly feels like falling in love again, it feels like the feeling I'd been missing lately... Life is funny~
Like I could just die at any moment, how fkn funny would it be if I dropped dead RIGHT FUCKING NOW XD
Like I was afraid of feeling happy again when I felt it cuz I was worried it would be a false hope but, it's so good... It's all I can think of lmao I know I can't kill myself but I can very easily isolate and do a bunch of dumb shit that could very easily end up with me dead and it might be fun! Like deadass maybe dying would exciting, like a rollercoaster! I thought I'd die on a rollercoaster, me and my best friend at that time's first real rollercoaster, I genuine thought it would launch me into the air and I'd fly fly flyyyyy then SPLAT lmao and it was awesome!! Terrified the shit outta me but it felt GREAT after and dying in certain ways could just be that without an "after" lmaooooo
Like even the shit that makes me happy is stupid as hell which both amuses me and makes me wanna die more lol watching this livestream and giggling thinking about being stabbed in my face and/or chest lmao, I'm genuinely so excited, my friend asked if everything's alright and I wanna tell him things are BETTER than alright, I feel perfect, but he... Well honestly 50/50 if he asks why, he might just accept that I'm happy and not pry further but I don't wanna risk him asking why I'm so happy cuz he so wouldn't get it lmao he's not even a normie but he soooo wouldn't get it like at all
But it's so good :D
It'll be so good X3
I don't plan on anyone knowing exactly what happened to me but maybe if my body is recovered with a smile on it, it'll make anyone who might theoretically be sad about it, less sad? lol I died doing what I loved, being an unstable piece of shit lmao, put on some clown makeup and go out and get mauled by wolves or smth XD
Like I'm not even lying, I'm genuinely so happy and also genuinely want to die so much, the human mind is a trip lol I wanna OD, maybe I can drink myself to death lmao XP
It honestly feels like falling in love again, it feels like the feeling I'd been missing lately... Life is funny~
Like I could just die at any moment, how fkn funny would it be if I dropped dead RIGHT FUCKING NOW XD
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