I'm not big into drugs, but in the past few months I've hit such a rock bottom that I began experimenting with opioids. Eventually, I ran out of opioids, and being the pretty uncool hiki I am, I have really no connections towards getting more (I tried getting in with a psychiatrist to be prescribed benzos and just got an SSRI prescription instead 
), so I thought back to a drug that a lot of people talk down about, that being DXM. Most people I talked to assured me that it wasn't really worth it, that the high wasn't worth the nausea, whatever, but I read the erowid page and it told a different story of a pretty powerful psychedelic. Then I read testimonials from hardcore dexers saying that it made music more enjoyable, resulted in euphoria and a lovely out of body experience. My impression was like opioids+more bonuses! So I went out and got some syrup (and cough drops to not get weird looks). I got a bit high the first time but vomited most of it up too early, it was a lot like my experience with hydros, so a few days later I decided to shoot for a high 2nd plateau experience and downed nearly 300 mg in a more manageable way while lying down and watching some YouTube pap. Whatever. Eventually as I'm sitting around playing games I have my first full on hallucination, decide to switch on some music and fall onto my bed, feeling an absolutely unreal sensation and perception of reality. But that's not really the point of this post, you can really find out a lot of what I was experiencing by just reading the erowid page.
The important part of the trip came half an hour after the initial blast-off, which was an absolute flood of thoughts, thousands of flying lines of thoughts confined to mere seconds of real-world time. But I wasn't experiencing that time. I was experiencing an entirely new lense of reality, that wasn't dissociative in a way I was familiar with, but dissociated in a way where I was disconnected from myself but could still observe myself and evaluate myself with a completely different bias. It was as if my minds eye detached from all of my coping and blunting and ignorance and for once, saw the whole picture. And what it saw was not positive. What it saw was a totally pathetic individual, helplessly bound to the perception of others, who succumbed totally to the onslaught of negativity and bent to its will. It completely deconstructed my every thought, my every interest, my every satisfying lie I relied on to just get through the day. It told me I was horrible, inhuman, and below the surface I wanted people to see, meaningless and shallow. After this experience, it's like I'm no longer afraid of death. I am totally destructive to myself, every mental block of self-preservation and fear beyond basal instincts has been cleared. A few days before that, I took down the noose hanging in my room. Now it's back up. I've almost gone through with it tonight. The compulsion grows to more and more active levels. A few months ago it was mundane self-harm. Now I've got a plan, I've begun to lay the groundwork for the exit...and I was about to back away from the exit, but this trip has enlightened me to continue forth.
), so I thought back to a drug that a lot of people talk down about, that being DXM. Most people I talked to assured me that it wasn't really worth it, that the high wasn't worth the nausea, whatever, but I read the erowid page and it told a different story of a pretty powerful psychedelic. Then I read testimonials from hardcore dexers saying that it made music more enjoyable, resulted in euphoria and a lovely out of body experience. My impression was like opioids+more bonuses! So I went out and got some syrup (and cough drops to not get weird looks). I got a bit high the first time but vomited most of it up too early, it was a lot like my experience with hydros, so a few days later I decided to shoot for a high 2nd plateau experience and downed nearly 300 mg in a more manageable way while lying down and watching some YouTube pap. Whatever. Eventually as I'm sitting around playing games I have my first full on hallucination, decide to switch on some music and fall onto my bed, feeling an absolutely unreal sensation and perception of reality. But that's not really the point of this post, you can really find out a lot of what I was experiencing by just reading the erowid page.The important part of the trip came half an hour after the initial blast-off, which was an absolute flood of thoughts, thousands of flying lines of thoughts confined to mere seconds of real-world time. But I wasn't experiencing that time. I was experiencing an entirely new lense of reality, that wasn't dissociative in a way I was familiar with, but dissociated in a way where I was disconnected from myself but could still observe myself and evaluate myself with a completely different bias. It was as if my minds eye detached from all of my coping and blunting and ignorance and for once, saw the whole picture. And what it saw was not positive. What it saw was a totally pathetic individual, helplessly bound to the perception of others, who succumbed totally to the onslaught of negativity and bent to its will. It completely deconstructed my every thought, my every interest, my every satisfying lie I relied on to just get through the day. It told me I was horrible, inhuman, and below the surface I wanted people to see, meaningless and shallow. After this experience, it's like I'm no longer afraid of death. I am totally destructive to myself, every mental block of self-preservation and fear beyond basal instincts has been cleared. A few days before that, I took down the noose hanging in my room. Now it's back up. I've almost gone through with it tonight. The compulsion grows to more and more active levels. A few months ago it was mundane self-harm. Now I've got a plan, I've begun to lay the groundwork for the exit...and I was about to back away from the exit, but this trip has enlightened me to continue forth.
