Venting dumb incoherent rambling

[Imprisoned]

I just can't take this anymore. I can't take more of myself or this cruel world around me. I don't want to fucking exist. I wish I was never ripped from the peace of nonexistance. Everyday is the exact same as the last. I dread waking up in the morning only to realise that the cycle is about to repeat yet again. My suffering and pain are too overwhelming. Any potential I had was destroyed long ago by this cruel and unusual world that I find myself in. My brain feels so fucking tired and dead. I can barely concentrate on anything. Even writing this post is proving to be something of a herculean effort; all in an attempt to somehow put into words the malaise I feel every waking moment of my "life". Every part of me wants it to end already. I can't believe this shit. I can't belive that this is all real. That this is my reality. The pain is so unbearable. I feel so fucking violated and humiliated. I hate myself so, so fucking much. I'm so sick and tired of myself. I wish I could be a dumb naive kid who only cares about the next shiny new game and didn't fully realize how FUCKED everything is. FUCK
I'm just in a super emotional and distressed state right now. I think I need a break and go cry. Reading people's posts on here and how much pain they're in is so fucking heartbreaking and sad. I wish I could do something to help you all, but im a fucking powerless nobody. I hate this so much. I hate this world.

 

[Dingusguy]

It's not fair anyone should feel this way and I wish there was a way for anyone who wanted to simply just disappear painlessly, but unfortunately there isn't. Self loathing and sadness is a hell to find yourself in, and I hope you find a way out I really do, whatever they way out might be.

 

[Imprisoned]

It's not fair anyone should feel this way and I wish there was a way for anyone who wanted to simply just disappear painlessly, but unfortunately there isn't. Self loathing and sadness is a hell to find yourself in, and I hope you find a way out I really do, whatever they way out might be.

Thank you for your kind words. I feel a bit better now, after crying and just taking a bit of a break. I don't know why I had to be such a fuck up in an already fucked up world. Anyway, I hope you find peace as well friend <3

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly understand that it's dreadful and torturous feeling so trapped in this existence, it's beyond cruel to me how we cannot just have the option to easily die in a peaceful way. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you eventually find the peace you search for.

 

[Imprisoned]

I certainly understand that it's dreadful and torturous feeling so trapped in this existence, it's beyond cruel to me how we cannot just have the option to easily die in a peaceful way. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you eventually find the peace you search for.

I hope you find peace as well.. Your posts make me feel so sad because I know you're suffering and yet there's no way out..

 

[Argo]

The best anyone can do in the short term is learn to let go of the fighting against whatever it is that's causing you pain. Whether it's a sensation in the body, a thought or concept, an image we see or imagine, it's possible to spot a posture of resistance to whatever we see/feel as negative, and relax that posture, and then you'll be more free to get where ever you need to be.

For me personally, that's what I'll be using to get closer to exit.

Otherwise, one will just be languishing in negative emotion and get nowhere. I think that's the road to years and years of suffering. I know it is, actually, from experience. People only tend to truly push towards death when the suffering really ramps up. But when this happens, it's usually mentally debilitating, and so the already difficult project of exit is made far more difficult or even impossible. That creates a kind of torture. When this happens, it's no longer about solving the problem of exit, it's about solving the problem of getting to the point where one can solve the problem. Hopefully that's a clear enough description.

 

[Rack.-]

I just can't take this anymore. I can't take more of myself or this cruel world around me. I don't want to fucking exist. I wish I was never ripped from the peace of nonexistance. Everyday is the exact same as the last. I dread waking up in the morning only to realise that the cycle is about to repeat yet again. My suffering and pain are too overwhelming. Any potential I had was destroyed long ago by this cruel and unusual world that I find myself in. My brain feels so fucking tired and dead. I can barely concentrate on anything. Even writing this post is proving to be something of a herculean effort; all in an attempt to somehow put into words the malaise I feel every waking moment of my "life". Every part of me wants it to end already. I can't believe this shit. I can't belive that this is all real. That this is my reality. The pain is so unbearable. I feel so fucking violated and humiliated. I hate myself so, so fucking much. I'm so sick and tired of myself. I wish I could be a dumb naive kid who only cares about the next shiny new game and didn't fully realize how FUCKED everything is. FUCK
I'm just in a super emotional and distressed state right now. I think I need a break and go cry. Reading people's posts on here and how much pain they're in is so fucking heartbreaking and sad. I wish I could do something to help you all, but im a fucking powerless nobody. I hate this so much. I hate this world.

I'm sorry that you are going through a specially hard time rn... I'm here if you need someone to talk with, sending you lots of hugs

 

[Imprisoned]

The best anyone can do in the short term is learn to let go of the fighting against whatever it is that's causing you pain. Whether it's a sensation in the body, a thought or concept, an image we see or imagine, it's possible to spot a posture of resistance to whatever we see/feel as negative, and relax that posture, and then you'll be more free to get where ever you need to be.

For me personally, that's what I'll be using to get closer to exit.

Otherwise, one will just be languishing in negative emotion and get nowhere. I think that's the road to years and years of suffering. I know it is, actually, from experience. People only tend to truly push towards death when the suffering really ramps up. But when this happens, it's usually mentally debilitating, and so the already difficult project of exit is made far more difficult or even impossible. That creates a kind of torture. When this happens, it's no longer about solving the problem of exit, it's about solving the problem of getting to the point where one can solve the problem. Hopefully that's a clear enough description.

No, this is a very clear and cool post. Thank you very much for your contribution. I agree, I should probably try to just let go of any resistance I may have whenever I get such distrssing thoughts and images in my head.

Resisting it is futile anyway and just makes seeking the solution that much harder, since you're in emotional agony and can't think straight. I'll try to keep all this in mind. Thank you again

I'm sorry that you are going through a specially hard time rn... I'm here if you need someone to talk with, sending you lots of hugs

Thank you for the kind words friend. I really like this forum