Venting drowning, with no sight of land

[mangonoid]

I'm not sure what I'm posting for as of right now, I just feel so lost. I feel like my whole life I've just been treading water, just barely able to keep my head above water. Not knowing what else to do, I kept treading. To no end, with no purpose and no direction. Slowly but surely, I've begun to feel the weight of the real world drag me towards the abyssal darkness below. Not knowing how to do anything else but keep my head above water, sinking is an inevitable death sentence. The only factor being, how long I can continue to hold my breath.

I can't keep living hoping for tomorrow to be the day where I can see the light.
I've kicked addictions only to come out the other side with one less purpose.
I live with my days blurring together, not a single moment more or less significant than the last.

I have visions of doing horrible things that terrify me more than anything I've experienced. The intrusive thoughts have become so vivid they feel like nightmares in a cruel reality I cannot escape.

I'm not ready to go but I was never ready for anything anyways.

This site feels like another one of my self-destructive addictions, but if I'm so drawn to it there's clearly some sort of motive for my lurking.

I apologize for my lackluster thoughts and to those who take the time to read them.

I wish all those reading the best.

 

[hungry_ghost]

Every word of this verbatim is my current thought-process.

You may be isolated, but you definitely are not alone in your feelings.

I know it's no consolation, though.

Inevitably we do feel alone in our despair and there's no changing that.

 

[mangonoid]

I guess this is what I've posted for. To say the things I could never say anywhere else to the people I need to hear it, the ones who can truly empathize. Consolidation or not, it feels good to hear a voice of the same frequency. In this life or the next, I wish you the best; always and forever.

 

[FuneralCry]

That does sound really awful and tiring what you have to endure, it's true that there certainly is no real relief from suffering in this world, but anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Do you like moral Orel?

 

[mangonoid]

Do you like moral Orel?

I'm glad that at least one person recognized the song haha. I'm actually writing an analytical essay on the show and have found myself at the bottom of quite the rabbit hole.

 

[Ambivalent1]

I'm glad that at least one person recognized the song haha. I'm actually writing an analytical essay on the show and have found myself at the bottom of quite the rabbit hole.

Clay is the best