Drinking with SN

[JigsawFeelin]

Does anyone else feel like they ... could.
I've got everything together now,
But I'm a bit worried as I drink every night for my anxiety, combining it with Valium so I don't slash myself up.
I'm frightened if I don't have my usual bottle I'll freak the fuck out and end up hurting myself/calling someone.
I *know* we're told not to drink, but is there an account in which SN failed because of drink, or is it just good sense?
I just don't feel I'd vomit
Every time I've attempted- whether it's been overdose or hanging- it's been in a drunken haze and I've felt incredible..

Also, I'd really like someone to record my attempt, watch me undergo it and perhaps talk me through it. The 20 minute mark where some members who've been watched have reported that it seemed the person attempting SN was expressing discomfort, would probably be minutes I'd like someone to say 'this is normal, Jigsaw, just a bit longer' etc through.
Found out the hard way the partners thread is a dating site, but still want the accountability. I'm planning to go before I'm 25 (August 18th) but have stuff to arrange with my kitten and I want to make sure my housemates aren't left with my mess to sort through.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I loved that idea of someone saying this is normal, just a bit longer. Maybe you could record a script telling yourself all the things you need to hear?

As far as successes or failures, there's a thread that lists all of them, so you can read through them and see if alcohol has been mentioned. You can also read Stan's guide for the rationalization for not drinking alcohol. After that, it's your choice. I try to go by this quote when reading what someone wants for their own death that others may disagree with:

Just as I shall select my ship when I am about to go on a voyage, or my house when I propose to take a residence, so I shall choose my death when I am about to depart from life...There is no occasion when the soul should be humored more than at the moment of death. Let the soul depart as it feels itself impelled to go; whether it seeks the sword, or the halter, or some draught that attacks the veins, let it proceed and burst the bonds of its slavery. Every man ought to make his life acceptable to others besides himself, but his death to himself alone. The best form of death is the one we like. Men are foolish who reflect thus: 'One person will say that my conduct was not brave enough; another, that I was too headstrong; a third, that a particular kind of death would have betokened more spirit.' What you should really reflect is: 'I have under consideration a purpose with which the talk of men has no concern!'

- Seneca

I am very interested to hear your experiences with the Partners Megathread being a dating site, and many others would be as well. Would you consider starting a thread about that? Of course if you don't want to say any more than you already did that's understandable.

 

[JigsawFeelin]

I loved that idea of someone saying this is normal, just a bit longer. Maybe you could record a script telling yourself all the things you need to hear?

As far as successes or failures, there's a thread that lists all of them, so you can read through them and see if alcohol has been mentioned. You can also read Stan's guide for the rationalization for not drinking alcohol. After that, it's your choice. I try to go by this quote when reading what someone wants for their own death that others may disagree with:



I am very interested to hear your experiences with the Partners Megathread being a dating site, and many others would be as well. Would you consider starting a thread about that? Of course if you don't want to say any more than you already did that's understandable.

So I did think of this, the script.
But my fear is the audio running out and me still being in pain.
I've had an experience, during an attempt that suggested that there was something 'else' that's a little too frightening to share.
My huge fear is recording 2 hours worth of audio and then hearing myself say 'well you should be dead by now I don't know what to tell you'

I've had two experiences in which I have had a man arrange and then want to 'get to know me better' and then express why he 'wanted to do so with a member of the opposite sex'. One was much more overt than the other.
I detected a bit of want for something that wasn't death, which led me to believe if I met with either of them I wouldn't actually be dying. I'm happy to go into greater detail, but also don't know if it's something that's been spoken about before, or it's just because of how I talk on the phone apps (I'm a sex worker by trade, and prettify my speech, even if the conversation isn't sexual. I'm always...primed to make the best impression. Friends notice it)

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I've had two experiences in which I have had a man arrange and then want to 'get to know me better' and then express why he 'wanted to do so with a member of the opposite sex'. One was much more overt than the other.
I detected a bit of want for something that wasn't death, which led me to believe if I met with either of them I wouldn't actually be dying. I'm happy to go into greater detail, but also don't know if it's something that's been spoken about before

Thanks for responding. It's been spoken about several times on the forum. I don't know that talking about it will change anything, it seems that in spite of the many negative experiences people have had, from being led on for unwanted sexual encounters to intent to harm -- including torture and murder -- the site owners have no seeming intention to shut down the megathread. At least when members talk about negative experiences, others can be informed and aware, and therefore safer and less likely to be victimized.

My huge fear is recording 2 hours worth of audio and then hearing myself say 'well you should be dead by now I don't know what to tell you'

Opportunity for a moment of dark humor to relieve the tension?

 

[autumnal]

[...]
I *know* we're told not to drink, but is there an account in which SN failed because of drink, or is it just good sense?
I just don't feel I'd vomit
[...]

Should it make any difference whether alcohol is strongly not recommended due to an anecdotal account versus 'just good sense'? In all honesty, the answer is probably both, as well as expert opinion.

Your feelings on how likely you are to vomit don't have much relevance unfortunately. SN is a poison, and the body reacts to it strongly and in very different ways to other causes of nausea you may have experienced in the past.