Venting Dreaming about suicide.

[plasticbomb]

For the past 3 or 4 days all I've dreamed about has been suicide. Whenever I wake up from my self admittedly horrible sleep schedule I find myself reminiscing on my dreams. All of which have been me playing out different methods in my head. I have been waking up in a pool of sweat every time and feeling disgusting. I don't think it's just my dreams though. As the day goes on I end up playing out the methods over and over again but in much more graphic detail, playing out if there's any faults in it and kind of working out little detail by little detail what it would be like. I have to "shut off" the voices around me to listen to the thoughts in more detail as all I can think of when I'm thinking about them is self mutilation. I dream of setting up a livestream so people could watch me do it. I dream of hanging myself in a public area so they would have to be forced to look at my deceased corpse. I imagine spray painting messages of hate on a white wall near me and then adding my brains onto the wall. I feel the blade entering my throat as I'm slicing away at myself in a shopping market. I obsess on these thoughts to no end. I haven't told anyone about them before. I just want them to stop. The Fluvoxamine and Bupropanol I'm prescribed aren't working anymore. I just need a release of some sort. Being that everyone around me is scared of affection the release I'll probably end up getting is the final deep sleep.

 

[TheMetalhead]

I feel like many of us from this community dream of suicide. I've been having those dreams for years, similar to yours actually. Be it spraypainting a wall with my brain, livestreaming my death or dying in some gruesome way in general. Those kinda dreams mean to me that despite all that, I'm still alive somehow.
The day my suicidal dreams stop, will be most likely my final day in this cruel world.
I just hope that once I decide to do it, I'll be able to leave peacefully, at ease.
I hope that you reach your inner peace aswell brother or sister.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be so tiring and dreadful having to suffer like that but I hope you eventually find what you search for, best wishes.

 

[Lost Magic]

I can't remember the times that I have had intense dreams of dying. I usually find I feel these thoughts more vividly when I am in an awakened state. Do you want to die in public or is it just because of your dreams?

 

[plasticbomb]

I can't remember the times that I have had intense dreams of dying. I usually find I feel these thoughts more vividly when I am in an awakened state. Do you want to die in public or is it just because of your dreams?

It's all of the time now. There's some days where it's less of course but basically all of the time it's about 90% of what I think about. The only true escape I have from it is loud and annoying stuff or situations where I have no choice but to focus. Whenever my mind drifts it's about all I can think of.

 

[Grimpoteuthis]

I am sorry you have to go through that.

I dreamed about a double suicide with a teacher once and it was actually more comfy than horrifying. We did some parkour in an abandoned city, talked about books we read, and hanged out in an infinitely large corn field under the sunset. When it was the time to go, we jumped into a river together. This is one of the nicest dreams I have ever had.

 

[plasticbomb]

I am sorry you have to go through that.

I dreamed about a double suicide with a teacher once and it was actually more comfy than horrifying. We did some parkour in an abandoned city, talked about books we read, and hanged out in an infinitely large corn field under the sunset. When it was the time to go, we jumped into a river together. This is one of the nicest dreams I have ever had.

I remember my dreams from back when I was a kid being about suicide as well. For a while they were pleasant like how you mentioned. I thought I had moved on from dreaming of suicide so frequently but it almost puts me exactly back into that same place of having those dreams as a kid if that makes sense.