Help Dramatic sasu lovers help

[Alias Pluto]

I'm a 36 year old dad who is with my son half of the time. I put him first and always have. I have an office job i was miserable but have been talking to a girl on here a ton lately. I thought she was 30ish at first because she's wise but she's going to be 19 next month. We love each other, she makes me happy and we FaceTimed.

We initially wanted to both jump together but things have sort of uhhhh idk. She flunked out of school and doesn't care about herself anymore. Shes broke and trapped at home with her parents. She lives 4 hours away and ordered sn. I don't want her to ctb. I'm pro choice.

Im so fucked up. I havent dated a woman since my son was born so 2020. I am impulsive and just gamble paychecks away on sports because I don't care about myself but she helps me not be so impulsive.

SHOULD I HELP HER ESCAPE? AM I DOOMED? should I go pick her up so we can live happily together?

 

[evanescent_eva]

Have you asked her opinion on any of this? I feel like her opinion kind of matters here. Like, a lot. Like, maybe it's the only thing that matters here?

 

[StupidCat]

You are 36, why are you ranting like a 14yo.
Go talk about it with her, also consult with your child.

 

[identity0]

Sounds fucked up to me

 

[Namelesa]

This sounds weird with a nearly 19 and a 36 year old potential getting into a relationship and could lead to bad things happening as you will probably have more power over her. Obviously her opinion matters most in this as she should be allowed to die if she wants to, especially as you call yourself pro-choice, and she should have the choice of being with you or not without any pressure.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

I donno to be honest my opinion doesn't matter but in the end you'll loose, perhaps you won't but, if you managed to help her who says she'll forever be around you like in the sense that she is always there where you'll know she will be, what happens when she potentially does start caring and wants do things that might be away from you, it's just a very sensitive difficult situation your in as shes still growing as a person, and i mean so are you but if she were to be helped and you start to make her feel like life's worth living then it might not always be you who she wants to be around or do things for or at times even talk to, idk it's a very difficult thing including the fact you have a kid,, I'm so sorry for all the hurt you've been going through no one deserves to be completely alone but I don't see the the long-term mutual benefit in this, and again thats just an opinion.

 

[EmptyBottle]

There is support for problem gambling, also, sorry for your situation

 

[Dot]

Tbh if u r a sngle fathr wth a gamblng addictn thn u prbbly nd professnl hlp mre thn a rlatnshp wth a suicidl 18 y/o

Mny tramitisd ppl r 'old souls' & jst bcse u cn dtect wisdm ds nt mn tht thy r emotnlly rdy fr a committd rlatnshp wth sme1 of ur ag & persnl stuatn - = oftn mns th/ oppste & tht thy nd sme1 2 b th/ stabl persn fr thm

Puttng tht pressre on sme1 of thr ag & stuatn wll almst certnly end bdly & u r fcusing ur feelngs fr thm on wht thy cn d/ fr u as tho thy r a drownng persn lookng fr a flotatn dvice

Am nt sayng thse thngs 2 b jdgementl bt if u cre abt ths persn 2 th/ dgree tht u sy u d/ thn slf wld sggest helpng 2 connct thm 2 sfe-plce rspourcs whch cld hlp thm indepndntly & also lk fr sme professnl hlp fr urslf in ordr 2 b a mre helthy optn fr n.e ptentl romantc partnr bt also fr ur chld

 

[SchizoGymnast]

I think you need to walk away entirely and focus on recovering yourself.

 

[Dante_]

Tbh if u r a sngle fathr wth a gamblng addictn thn u prbbly nd professnl hlp mre thn a rlatnshp wth a suicidl 18 y/o

Mny tramitisd ppl r 'old souls' & jst bcse u cn dtect wisdm ds nt mn tht thy r emotnlly rdy fr a committd rlatnshp wth sme1 of ur ag & persnl stuatn - = oftn mns th/ oppste & tht thy nd sme1 2 b th/ stabl persn fr thm

Puttng tht pressre on sme1 of thr ag & stuatn wll almst certnly end bdly & u r fcusing ur feelngs fr thm on wht thy cn d/ fr u as tho thy r a drownng persn lookng fr a flotatn dvice

Am nt sayng thse thngs 2 b jdgementl bt if u cre abt ths persn 2 th/ dgree tht u sy u d/ thn slf wld sggest helpng 2 connct thm 2 sfe-plce rspourcs whch cld hlp thm indepndntly & also lk fr sme professnl hlp fr urslf in ordr 2 b a mre helthy optn fr n.e ptentl romantc partnr bt also fr ur chld

Translation for Dot:

To be honest, if you're a single father with a gambling addiction, then you probably need professional help more than you need a relationship with a suicidal 18-year-old.

Many traumatized people are "old souls," and just because you can detect wisdom in them doesn't mean they're emotionally ready for a committed relationship with someone your age and in your situation—in fact, it often means the opposite, and that they need someone to be the stable person for them.

Putting that kind of pressure on someone of their age and situation will almost certainly end badly, and you're focusing your feelings for them on what they can do for you—like you're a drowning person looking for a flotation device.

I'm not saying these things to be judgmental, but if you care about this person as much as you say you do, then self would suggest helping connect them to safe-place resources that could help them independently—and also looking for some professional help for yourself, in order to be a healthier option not only for any potential romantic partner but also for your child.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Hey friend, I was in the same situation but the same age. We lived and are alive and better today, but still struggling. The road ahead isn't easy. I was the one who wanted to live if he lived.

You could ask her if she could do you a favor and live for longer, to see how it goes. I understand having a friend to hang on to helps a lot.

Romance sounds like a bad idea though, there is an innate power dynamic between the two of you.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm pro choice.

Once it comes to love "pro-choice " is an ever unsolvable problem! Someone will ultimately have to suffer - the more stable one will get over the loss of the other "part" over time.

Sorry if this may sound dry or not empathic. But this is the reality.

You're in a highly complex situation and what is actually the "best" is always unknown bc none of us knows what's gonna happen in the future.

A lot of other points you have to consider have already been mentioned.

 

[Adûnâi]

If you're curious about the age diff, just today I've randomly been reading about Hitler's ancestors, and it was rather commonplace back then. Although the mores do change depending on the time and place.

Hitler family - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[rozeske]

I think for now you may have a more responsibility towards your child who you say is 5? Don't you think it's a better idea to work on yourself to better yourself so you can be your best version to your son and do whats best for him? I'd assume he needs you more.