I can actually have two trains of thought at once, it's a matter of mental cordination. You should be able yes and no at the same time in your head and that would be two thoughts at once. I can't usually fully focus on both at once, what usually happens is I focus on one thing then something else runs in the background.
Using your example of apples, even if I start thinking about why or when I thought of apples, the thought of wanting apples continue to run in the background. So personally, even when I start to think of mindful thoughts, everything else continues running in the background.
Think about it like a computer, you minimize one app then open another, the app you minimize continue to affect the computer and take up RAM. It might have a lower activity compared to if you actively interact with it, but it's still there, maybe playing music, maybe downloading an update. So for me, if I get negative thoughts, I have to wait until it goes away or I find some way to use up all the RAM my brain can handle.
I do actually know a way to shut everything down without outer influence though, it's either playing one of those extremely loud rings you get when a microphone malfunctions or by imagining a highly detailed scene. However, just a stray thought won't do.
At the risk of coming across as a tad bit obnoxious, I cannot deny that reading this comment put an enormous smile on my face, haha
Because not only does none of what you said contradict anything that I said, but you actually just perfectly illustrated the concept I'm talking about in your own words, albeit unintentionally:
The point of the apple analogy is not to argue that you can't have multiple contradictory thought processes running against each other at once (you obviously can) but to underline that certain TYPES of thought tend to enthusiastically duplicate themselves, while others tend to terminate themselves, and that the two are opposites.
We can reiterate this concept by taking a look at your own claim:
So for me, if I get negative thoughts, I have to wait until it goes away or I find some way to use up all the RAM my brain can handle.
I.e, you either have to either wait until your pattern of thought finally changes on its own, or you have to "smother it out" using an external stimulus that is strong enough to fully-absorb your attention, thereby forcibly moving your mental state by itself. (Like the sound you describe)
Clearly neither of these options are ideal, which is exactly why you left your initial comment in the first place.
If only there were any other options, hmm…
But before we circle back to that, I'd like to ask you a strange question:
Do you ever have spiraling, repetitive, obsessive thoughts about
eating grapes?
Stupid question, right? Of course you don't. If you have grapes, you think
"I want to eat my grapes," and then you eat them. If you don't have grapes, then you likely never think about grapes at all.
So what is the difference between thoughts about grapes and thoughts of self-loathing?
Obviously it has to be the emotional engagement. Thoughts of self-loathing are emotionally-engaging, whereas thoughts about grapes are completely devoid of emotion.
This is why ragebait is such a powerful emotional tool for grabbing human attention on the internet: some stimuli naturally create thoughts that duplicate themselves, while other stimuli generate thoughts that happen only once and thereby resolve quickly.
The whole evolutionary purpose of having negative thoughts in the first place is to force you to edit your behavior by making you feel pain WITHOUT other external sensory experienfes.
It's kind of like wearing a
shock collar… but one that is built into the biochemistry of your own mind.
Just as touching a hot stove leads you to edit your behavior to avoid physical damage (by moving away from the source of the pain) guilt and self-hatred are intended to force you to avoid behaviors that could cause you social damage.
Unfortunately, every time we choose to either let these thoughts burn out naturally, or smother them out with a greater stimulus like a loud sensory experience or an engaging piece of media… nothing about our behavior actually changes. The metaphorical "grapes" remain on the shelf and uneaten.
Therefore our brains have no choice but to repeat those emotional signals over and over, with each signal steadily compounding each time that we actively choose to ignore them or cover them up with a blanket.
This is why if we choose to rely on exterior stimuli like loud sounds or passive behaviors like waiting for our negative thoughts to end that nothing ever improves for us.
Those are both short-term solutions that work in the moment, but only cause the long-term problem to continue building on itself.
In order "eat the grapes" so to speak, we
have to engage in the difficult behaviors that we spend so much of our lives avoiding…
Which is exactly why we have no choice but to adopt behaviors that allow us to internally manage our negative thoughts in the LONG term, such as meditation, mindfulness, mantra, etc.
If we can't tolerate the baseline behavior of our own minds long enough to engage in the behaviors that help us
change the baseline behavior of our minds, then we end up constantly losing fights against ourselves.
The unfortunate part is that practices like mindfulness ONLY work in the long term… in the short term, they appear completely pointless. Hence why no one wants to do them.
Usually, it can take weeks of in-person dialogue between me and another person before I can finally get them to put effort into any kind of treatment for invasive thoughts. It's specifically because I know how difficult it is to get people to even consider changing the way they think about their own thoughts that I usually choose to avoid conversations like these when online.
But here's the cool bit:
Your grasp on this topic is actually already a
lot better than most people who I start teaching mindfulness to, which is why I am very confident that you are sitting right on the edge of a serious breakthrough.
So on that note, I'm going to do you kind of a weird favor. I'm going to
block you.
Once I block you, here is what is going to happen:
Initially, you are going to be annoyed. Your brain is going to be agitated that some random stranger just suggested that you don't really understand how your own mind functions and then fucked off, and that is going to engender a mild emotional response.
That impulse will likely make you want to reply to my post again with reasons that I am wrong (even though I will unfortunately never get to see it) or it might drive you to cover up your current emotional experience by going and doing something else.
But here's the weird bit: the next time that you find yourself having a negative thought spiral, you are also eventually going to think about
me and the contents of this thread.
I'm going to pop up into your head like an annoying little mosquito, seemingly smirking at you for trying to ignore or cover up your problems in the way that you typically do.
You might even continue fighting back the first few times it happens, but eventually you are going to notice that everything I underlined about your negative emotional thoughts is entirely true… and you are finally going to get sick of it.
When that happens after a few weeks or so, I want you to revisit the advice that you've been given by this thread… and ask yourself again if the mild discomfort of having to engage in a few months worth of intentional mindfulness, meditation or medication is really as bad as the constant inability to focus your own mind that you already experience all the time.
One final note:
However, just a stray thought won't do.
Just as lifting a weight a single time is not enough to gain muscle mass, so too is a single instance of mindful thought or meditation completely ineffectual at changing the way your brain behaves.
But just as it is obviously true that a single instance of weightlifting is not going to change the composition of your body, so too is it
undeniably true that a year of intense weightlifting WILL change your body. It's not a matter of personal opinion, it's a simple biological fact. I watch it happen in action every single day.
Personally, I think your replies in this thread display significant intelligence… but that is exactly why you have to be extra careful when it comes to this topic. Your brain will use that high intelligence against you to come up with highly-specific justifications for continuing the exact behavior that landed you in your current position in the first place.
So watch out for yourself! (Literally)
I always know I'm in a spiral because I feel like shit. I think I manage to both notice and be in a spiral because I'd agrue with myself about it. I believe it's also due to hating myself so like part of me believes I deserve to feel like shit.
