Don't want to upset family or partner

[QueenBoo]

I've been rather open about my suicidal thoughts with my family and my partner. Nobody is okay with the idea of me dying, but I just can't stop thinking about suicide. My partner and I have made a lot of plans together, but I can't get the thought out of my head that I just don't want to deal with the minutiae of everyday life. I just think about how much effort it takes to get through even the most boring day. I just don't have the energy to do anything, and I don't think it will get better. I'm a NEET because of my bipolar disorder and I don't think I want to go back to school. I don't want to get a job. I don't even want to indulge in the escapism of video games. I just want to lay down and never get up. But I think if I did I'd bring my partner down with me. A lot of people would be horrified, and I just don't want that to happen. So it seems like my only option is to cling to life with the only reason being to please others. But that's not going to work forever because I tried to CTB the other day via partial hanging. It didn't take long to set up, and I'm likely to do it again. I don't even wish that people would stop caring about me, I wish people would celebrate my life when I'm gone without mourning me.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be a difficult, tiring situation to be in, personally I just wish to never wake again as well, in fact it's all I've ever wished for, I understand feeling so tired of suffering. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Balloon ANIMAL🎈🪅]

My wife committed suicide 2 weeks ago by hanging herself in our bathroom while I was asleep.. if you do plan to use this method, I wouldn't do it where your partner or a family member would find you. Finding someone you love, after they've hung themselves, is horrible. Not to mention what happens to your face after you die.. I promise you don't want anyone to see you like that.. I am truly sorry for how you are feeling and what you're going through.. I wish I had a better method, a more peaceful and graceful method.. Maybe in a secluded spot that your family doesn't know about? Woods, maybe?

 

[Beyond_Repair]

I really relate to a lot of what you've said. I understand not wanting to hurt anyone, just to die in peace, and hopefully have the people I love remember me fondly, or even slowly forget me over time would be fine, as long as they're not traumatized

Have you considered ending your relationship first? It will obviously still hurt, but in my mind it might be a little kinder as it is taking some potential feelings of responsibility off their shoulders

My wife committed suicide 2 weeks ago by hanging herself in our bathroom while I was asleep.. if you do plan to use this method, I wouldn't do it where your partner or a family member would find you. Finding someone you love, after they've hung themselves, is horrible. Not to mention what happens to your face after you die.. I promise you don't want anyone to see you like that.. I am truly sorry for how you are feeling and what you're going through.. I wish I had a better method, a more peaceful and graceful method.. Maybe in a secluded spot that your family doesn't know about? Woods, maybe?

I'm so sorry you had to go through that

 

[Jeav]

I completely understand you, i am on the same path.

 

[CatLvr]

Same. I'm only here because my husband would be gutted. I have never known anyone as afraid of dying as he is. Me?? Most days I would welcome the peace.