![QueenBoo](/data/avatars/l/79/79233.jpg?1696733386)
QueenBoo
Member
- Oct 7, 2023
- 6
I've been rather open about my suicidal thoughts with my family and my partner. Nobody is okay with the idea of me dying, but I just can't stop thinking about suicide. My partner and I have made a lot of plans together, but I can't get the thought out of my head that I just don't want to deal with the minutiae of everyday life. I just think about how much effort it takes to get through even the most boring day. I just don't have the energy to do anything, and I don't think it will get better. I'm a NEET because of my bipolar disorder and I don't think I want to go back to school. I don't want to get a job. I don't even want to indulge in the escapism of video games. I just want to lay down and never get up. But I think if I did I'd bring my partner down with me. A lot of people would be horrified, and I just don't want that to happen. So it seems like my only option is to cling to life with the only reason being to please others. But that's not going to work forever because I tried to CTB the other day via partial hanging. It didn't take long to set up, and I'm likely to do it again. I don't even wish that people would stop caring about me, I wish people would celebrate my life when I'm gone without mourning me.