Venting Don’t want to sleep / lonely.

[Moonicide]

I took my night meds a few moments ago and I'm browsing SS because I'm so alone.
Being alive and breathing right now is so painful... In the end, you guys are the ones that really know my darkness. Which brings me comfort in many ways... I just don't want to sleep, but I also don't want to be awake. It's such an endless cycle.

How's everyone doing tonight? What's on everyone's mind?

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

Hey, im just awake, thinking how i am going too get up and face the day.... I often feel like that at night....these days it has turned into frustrating because i do not want to do anything i dont want to be here.....hope you feel somewhat better soon...

 

[Sweet emotion]

I took my night meds a few moments ago and I'm browsing SS because I'm so alone.
Being alive and breathing right now is so painful... In the end, you guys are the ones that really know my darkness. Which brings me comfort in many ways... I just don't want to sleep, but I also don't want to be awake. It's such an endless cycle.

How's everyone doing tonight? What's on everyone's mind?

I'm feeling pretty much the same way you are. I have a really painful physical neurological condition. Due to a fight with my mother over a month ago my right arm has been set off. I'm terrified. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to live or die but there's nothing in between. I'm scared all the time. I hate it when it's time to go to bed because that's when I feel the lonliest. Once a certain time passes at night I get very anxious. It's killing me just holding my tablet typing this right now. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I had a wonderful relationship with my mom until she out her hands on me. I'm a good daughter. But unfortunately she physically has to care for me. There's a lot of stress but she did something wrong and then got mad at me for getting angry with her and hurt my arm. I don't know how our relationship is ever going to be the same again. I can't forgive her. Every time I feel the pain it's a constant reminder of what she's done and it could spread to it her parts of my body. There is no way I'd have ever gotten this condition in my arm. She made it happen and Im the one who has to live with it. She's sleeping like a baby right now and I'm awake and anxious. This has made me want to die even more. It makes me think of suicide when I wouldn't normally be thinking of it. Tonight if all I had to do was to just pop one pill and lie down and go to sleep forever I'd do it. This is the last nail in the coffin so to speak. And I still think about her even though she hurt me. I think...I wonder how my money is going too feel knowing she is the one that pushed me over the edge. We live in a really small apartment. When it happened we didn't talk for two weeks. I couldn't believe how cruel she was to me and insensitive. I've never seen her Iike that before and it broke my heart. Knowing my mother of all people, the person who is supposed to have my back no matter what did this to me....I've lost faith in everything. Sorry for rambling on. I'm sure this isn't what you had hoped to read when you asked how we were doing today.