Don’t want to ctb after videos

[ThatStateOfMind]

I clicked a link recently that sent me to watchpeopledie. Wasn't even aware of this page, and it was bad. It was a suicide, and it sent me down a rabbit hole. I didn't realize how brutal hanging looked. It's brutal. I've already seen some gunshot videos before this incident so that method seems way worse, especially the ones that show the family reaction.

It also reminded me of a video I saw where a dad, and I think this is very irresponsible, hanged himself with his kids in the house. He was fighting around making noise and his kids were scared.

It's just hard to imagine putting my family through this, and I imagine the thrashing might cause issues if I somehow free myself or someone saves me. In one video, a woman was freed just 4 or 5 minutes into it, and I have no clue if she survived or not but she's likely brain dead if she was.

It was particularly hard for me when I saw younger people. Some even younger than me, and I'm young. The only method I haven't really seen any video of is SN, and I can only imagine how bad that one is. I mean, it's intentionally consuming a poison which converts your hemoglobin into methemoglobin, causing Methemoglobinemia. Probably causes reactions similar to hanging since the basis is similar except you aren't suspended.

I don't know, this was just something I wanted off my chest. A friend who I met here (she's currently taking some time away from this site) even told me since my SI is so strong, maybe I'm meant to be here even if just a little longer. Also my suicidal ideation seems to be situational and due to stress.

Basically I'm starting university, having to move for the first time, getting my own apartment for the first time. It's all a lot of big changes and it's stressing me out. I've tried at least 3 times in the past 2 weeks to try and kill myself. All with partial, and that failed me. I was going to try with a .410 shotgun, but I was uncertain if the caliber would work, even though it's a shotgun and SI wouldn't let me pull the trigger. I couldn't reach it with my finger but I could with my toe. I was so close, but my SI took over and I just laid there and cried.

I've been trying to accept the move and changed ever since, but it's difficult. I don't know what to do, besides just bite the bullet, move, and try to accept it. I think I may begin to like it once I'm out on my own. At least that's what I'm hoping happens. I've still got some shopping to do for the apartment, I plan to move in and sign the lease on the 20th, and I still have to get renters insurance, but that seems relatively informal and simple.

 

[itwillhappensoon]

I also happened to come across a website called goregrish and it had some of the worst suicides I've seen , I couldn't bring myself to do it (suicide) after I watched some of the videos it seemed so painful and the people in those videos appear to be agonizing, sorry you had to go through that by the way I hope you find peace .

 

[human909]

After coming across a website about watching people die, I really understand why you are scared to do ctb. Someone on this website I don't know the name but he put a link in how to do the night night method I thing it was called. Anyways I watched the video and after that I was definitely not doing the night night method anymore.

 

[Bruce]

That's why you never ever visit these sites! I'm going to do full suspension soon-ish, I hope. Why would I want to see something that scares me!? The every day pain is too much, I rather suffer for a minute then for the rest of my life.

 

[GoSan1]

I forgot about that site, and I wanted to check it out some time ago, now after seeing this post I did, and I would like to thank you.

That site shows the true cruelty of this world, as well as that there is nothing there to save anyone. I saw 2 compilations and I think one of them is the one you mean, and all those people had to end their lives for specific reasons that are probably really sad. One even had a double suicide where a female hugged a male while both hanged themselves. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING saved them from doing it. Why does it even have to go that far?

Terrible really, especially if you think about what might have led them to their death, instead of their deaths themselves.

I pray that all of them have found their peace.
Rest in peace to all of the innocent souls.

 

[AUROR4]

I watched videos ctb by hanging, it's really horrible, it made me give up on this method.

The only method I haven't really seen any video of is SN, and I can only imagine how bad that one is. I mean, it's intentionally consuming a poison which converts your hemoglobin into methemoglobin, causing Methemoglobinemia. Probably causes reactions similar to hanging since the basis is similar except you aren't suspended.

SN is my current method of choice. I watched two different videos of different people ctb with SN. It's nowhere near the same as hanging.
If u follow the protocol, it's totally peaceful.

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

I so happened to equally seen suicidal videos yesterday on accident when trying a method (won't share the method), but seeing it up close, it frightened me because I never knew that's what death was like when you see it up close, and wonder about the sick people who enjoy those things. Imagine if it was their everyday life, as well? It's something about seeing the perspective for yourself that makes you realize it's a true battle. I never felt tears coming down my cheeks so fast from seeing people go through physical pain, while doing it to themselves because you realize from that point it's real and it's unexpectable. I think it brings us to a sense of awareness that things can't be hidden, because the reality is always quite dark, especially when you never experienced actual emotional pain and emotional pain leads people to do things and it makes sense why we feel scared from it, because if we saw ourselves doing that to ourselves, we feel scared too, if we were in another body

After coming across a website about watching people die, I really understand why you are scared to do ctb. Someone on this website I don't know the name but he put a link in how to do the night night method I thing it was called. Anyways I watched the video and after that I was definitely not doing the night night method anymore.

That's deeply understandable! I changed my method twice because of discomfort. Do what you feel most comfortable in. It's not a race or a need to do what someone else is doing. We have suffered, but ctb shouldn't be about suffering but peace. IfI can add, isn't that the whole point of ctb?

 

[JesiBel]

Well, to be honest, all the videos I've seen have been on mute (silence) Maybe that's why they didn't seem so terrible to me.

I am a very anxious person, and I wouldn't like that to keep me from my goal..

It's a normal reaction, I mean, those kinds of scenes are real and that's why they're so shocking.

I hope you can get over that bad experience. Hugs.

 

[ShatteredShards]

After coming across a website about watching people die, I really understand why you are scared to do ctb. Someone on this website I don't know the name but he put a link in how to do the night night method I thing it was called. Anyways I watched the video and after that I was definitely not doing the night night method anymore.

I think I know the one you're talking about, seeing the night night method made me seriously reconsider my options. Brutal way to go.

 

[soonnotkoei]

me having watched a good number of suicides with different methods, i think SN is the least brutal way to go. ive watched the strawberrypanic vid and a couple other photos of the aftermath and it definitely seems more peaceful than any other method.

 

[thinkingofdeath]

I clicked a link recently that sent me to watchpeopledie. Wasn't even aware of this page, and it was bad. It was a suicide, and it sent me down a rabbit hole. I didn't realize how brutal hanging looked. It's brutal. I've already seen some gunshot videos before this incident so that method seems way worse, especially the ones that show the family reaction.

It also reminded me of a video I saw where a dad, and I think this is very irresponsible, hanged himself with his kids in the house. He was fighting around making noise and his kids were scared.

It's just hard to imagine putting my family through this, and I imagine the thrashing might cause issues if I somehow free myself or someone saves me. In one video, a woman was freed just 4 or 5 minutes into it, and I have no clue if she survived or not but she's likely brain dead if she was.

It was particularly hard for me when I saw younger people. Some even younger than me, and I'm young. The only method I haven't really seen any video of is SN, and I can only imagine how bad that one is. I mean, it's intentionally consuming a poison which converts your hemoglobin into methemoglobin, causing Methemoglobinemia. Probably causes reactions similar to hanging since the basis is similar except you aren't suspended.

I don't know, this was just something I wanted off my chest. A friend who I met here (she's currently taking some time away from this site) even told me since my SI is so strong, maybe I'm meant to be here even if just a little longer. Also my suicidal ideation seems to be situational and due to stress.

Basically I'm starting university, having to move for the first time, getting my own apartment for the first time. It's all a lot of big changes and it's stressing me out. I've tried at least 3 times in the past 2 weeks to try and kill myself. All with partial, and that failed me. I was going to try with a .410 shotgun, but I was uncertain if the caliber would work, even though it's a shotgun and SI wouldn't let me pull the trigger. I couldn't reach it with my finger but I could with my toe. I was so close, but my SI took over and I just laid there and cried.

I've been trying to accept the move and changed ever since, but it's difficult. I don't know what to do, besides just bite the bullet, move, and try to accept it. I think I may begin to like it once I'm out on my own. At least that's what I'm hoping happens. I've still got some shopping to do for the apartment, I plan to move in and sign the lease on the 20th, and I still have to get renters insurance, but that seems relatively informal and simple.

Okay, I gotta chime in here:

1. Moving out and having your own place is awesome, in my opinion. Yes, it's stressful, but all big life events are stressful: I remember in grade school they showed us a chart and getting married (what most people would consider a happy event) is ranked as one of the biggest stressors that people commonly encounter. Moving sucks, especially when you've never done it so you're not used to it, but this is a wonderful chance to get some space from the person you were under your parents' rule, and getting a chance to breathe and relax on your own terms. So even though it sucks now, and the transition might be a bit hard at first just because you're completely new to this (e.g., I don't know you but you might have to learn to cook your own meals and budget for living expenses for the first time) it is honestly such a significant milestone, and most people I know would say that they changed for the better when they moved out of their parents' house. So, congratulations, and I actually hope you pull through enough to get to taste your newfound freedom.

2. Be gentle with yourself. Watching traumatic videos has an effect on our psyche and makes us more vulnerable and sensitive to stress for a while afterwards. You just did something that many people would find very upsetting, so don't discount the effect that it might also have on your mood. Even if it dissuaded you, it might've still left you more easily flustered and raw for a while.

3. I think it's actually important to get a bigger, more accurate picture of what your suicide would actually entail, including the fact that it will likely be horrific for you as well as your loved ones. It might be more convenient to be ignorant, impulsive, and let the consequences be damned… but regardless, the consequences will happen, and there's no taking them back. I'm not saying that to dissuade you; just that you have an opportunity now to make a more educated decision with eyes wide open and consider the reality of your situation and the options in front of you. Only you know your life and what makes the most sense for you, but I think it's probably best to have all of the information in front of you, even when it's tough and annoying and complicates matters to be aware of it all.

 

[regular john]

me having watched a good number of suicides with different methods, i think SN is the least brutal way to go. ive watched the strawberrypanic vid and a couple other photos of the aftermath and it definitely seems more peaceful than any other method.

i read that in my country one guy bought meat and sausages in the market and died because they added too much sn while producing sausages. can you give link to sn deaths recorded ?

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I also happened to come across a website called goregrish and it had some of the worst suicides I've seen , I couldn't bring myself to do it (suicide) after I watched some of the videos it seemed so painful and the people in those videos appear to be agonizing, sorry you had to go through that by the way I hope you find peace .

Ugh, that site name sounds familiar. I'm the same way though, those videos seemed awful.

After coming across a website about watching people die, I really understand why you are scared to do ctb. Someone on this website I don't know the name but he put a link in how to do the night night method I thing it was called. Anyways I watched the video and after that I was definitely not doing the night night method anymore.

That's the exact link I clicked. That guy seemed like he was in so much agony, no telling how much of it he was conscious for. Plus his chat trying to figure out where he lived to alert authorities and begging YouTube to take the stream down.

I forgot about that site, and I wanted to check it out some time ago, now after seeing this post I did, and I would like to thank you.

That site shows the true cruelty of this world, as well as that there is nothing there to save anyone. I saw 2 compilations and I think one of them is the one you mean, and all those people had to end their lives for specific reasons that are probably really sad. One even had a double suicide where a female hugged a male while both hanged themselves. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING saved them from doing it. Why does it even have to go that far?

Terrible really, especially if you think about what might have led them to their death, instead of their deaths themselves.

I pray that all of them have found their peace.
Rest in peace to all of the innocent souls.

I saw the couple one. It was brutal to watch. They hugged each other to start and then they just stopped hugging. I do hope they're in a better place.

I watched videos ctb by hanging, it's really horrible, it made me give up on this method.


SN is my current method of choice. I watched two different videos of different people ctb with SN. It's nowhere near the same as hanging.
If u follow the protocol, it's totally peaceful.

Well it's good that it looked peaceful. I'm just scared off by it, especially since even with proper protocol, it's like 30 minutes to pass away from it. Also I have emetophobia, which might cause some difficulties.

I so happened to equally seen suicidal videos yesterday on accident when trying a method (won't share the method), but seeing it up close, it frightened me because I never knew that's what death was like when you see it up close, and wonder about the sick people who enjoy those things. Imagine if it was their everyday life, as well? It's something about seeing the perspective for yourself that makes you realize it's a true battle. I never felt tears coming down my cheeks so fast from seeing people go through physical pain, while doing it to themselves because you realize from that point it's real and it's unexpectable. I think it brings us to a sense of awareness that things can't be hidden, because the reality is always quite dark, especially when you never experienced actual emotional pain and emotional pain leads people to do things and it makes sense why we feel scared from it, because if we saw ourselves doing that to ourselves, we feel scared too, if we were in another body

Yeah that's how I felt with hanging. I even practiced a few times and felt myself kind of tense up in a weird and involuntary way a little while ago. Also, I can't believe the comments on those sites too. People just cracking jokes and laughing at another person's misery.

Well, to be honest, all the videos I've seen have been on mute (silence) Maybe that's why they didn't seem so terrible to me.

I am a very anxious person, and I wouldn't like that to keep me from my goal..

It's a normal reaction, I mean, those kinds of scenes are real and that's why they're so shocking.

I hope you can get over that bad experience. Hugs.

I can definitely say audio makes it worse, no doubt. It makes it more real, if that makes sense. I also hope I get over this experience. I've been through some pretty bad stuff outside of videos, and in real life, so it may just take some time. It's very fresh right now.

Okay, I gotta chime in here:

1. Moving out and having your own place is awesome, in my opinion. Yes, it's stressful, but all big life events are stressful: I remember in grade school they showed us a chart and getting married (what most people would consider a happy event) is ranked as one of the biggest stressors that people commonly encounter. Moving sucks, especially when you've never done it so you're not used to it, but this is a wonderful chance to get some space from the person you were under your parents' rule, and getting a chance to breathe and relax on your own terms. So even though it sucks now, and the transition might be a bit hard at first just because you're completely new to this (e.g., I don't know you but you might have to learn to cook your own meals and budget for living expenses for the first time) it is honestly such a significant milestone, and most people I know would say that they changed for the better when they moved out of their parents' house. So, congratulations, and I actually hope you pull through enough to get to taste your newfound freedom.

2. Be gentle with yourself. Watching traumatic videos has an effect on our psyche and makes us more vulnerable and sensitive to stress for a while afterwards. You just did something that many people would find very upsetting, so don't discount the effect that it might also have on your mood.

3. I think it's actually important to get a bigger, more accurate picture of what your suicide would actually entail, including the fact that it will likely be horrific for you as well as your loved ones. It might be more convenient to be ignorant, impulsive, and let the consequences be damned… but regardless, the consequences will happen, and there's no taking them back. I'm not saying that to dissuade you; just that you have an opportunity now to make a more educated decision with eyes wide open and consider the reality of your situation and the options in front of you. Only you know your life and what makes the most sense for you, but I think it's probably best to have all of the information in front of you, even when it's tough and annoying and complicates matters to be aware of it all.

Wow, I literally can't thank you enough for this response to be honest. I'm gonna try to write a detailed enough reply.

So many people in my family also tell me the same, that I'll love my own space and everything, I'm moving with a girlfriend so it does make the move easier. I truthfully didn't know people see getting married as such a huge stressor but i see why. On top of being committed to that person for the rest of your life, it's also a large financial cost the majority of the time unless you simply elope. I'm definitely certain it will suck initially. I generally make all of my food currently, but I will have to learn how to budget better since I'll be on my own. It's just such a big change and I don't even know what to expect. Literally everyone I've met tells me it's not a bad thing. The only negative thing I heard was they very occasionally have rough patches and sometimes wished they were back at their parents house but those are rare for the person.

Additionally, I really am trying to be gentle on myself, it's just so difficult when I think of everything happening right now. I just spent quite a bit on furniture, all used except for a mattress I just ordered online which should be here a few days before I move.

This last part really resonated with me for whatever reason. Sure, I know it would hurt them, but I honestly never sat back and thought how or how badly it would hurt them. It is more convenient to be ignorant and act like they can move on, a lot of people here like to believe that everyone will move on easily from their death but deep down, I know that's untrue for me and I can only assume it's likely untrue for many on here. At least those who have strong family ties with anyone. Anyways, it would definitely affect my girlfriend the worst. She would likely be the one to stumble upon my body if I did it in the apartment. Even if she isn't the one to find my body, her and my mom would probably be gutted by my demise. She's sitting close to me right now oblivious to me typing this or even my presence on this site, as she browses TikTok. My mom especially, as she miscarried all kids before me and thinks I was a miracle from God as she was told she would likely die if she got pregnant again.

Thank you so much for your reply, even though my post and reply to your reply is extremely lengthy. It's something I think I needed to hear.

i read that in my country one guy bought meat and sausages in the market and died because they added too much sn while producing sausages. can you give link to sn deaths recorded ?

Really? Poor guy. I knew it was used in sausage and meat preservation, but I never thought about them using too much of it and inadvertently killing someone. If he didn't know what it was, it was probably pretty unlikely to be saved even if he got medical help soon enough.

 

[soonnotkoei]

i read that in my country one guy bought meat and sausages in the market and died because they added too much sn while producing sausages. can you give link to sn deaths recorded ?

that is sad. i can't believe that actually happened.
while i don't have a library of recorded SN deaths, you can search around on the forum for logs of SN deaths as they happened. as for video recordings, i can only point you to the strawberrypanic thread:
-nsfw thread-

StrawBerryPanic- CTB

*moderadores, espero que entendam* para quem está apreensivo com as reações do sn - o áudio do arquivo foi corrompido. (não estou violando nenhum direito de imagens. Estes arquivos estão em domínio público) - - *moderators, hope you understand* for anyone who is apprehensive about SN reactions -...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[maniac116]

I clicked a link recently that sent me to watchpeopledie. Wasn't even aware of this page, and it was bad. It was a suicide, and it sent me down a rabbit hole. I didn't realize how brutal hanging looked. It's brutal. I've already seen some gunshot videos before this incident so that method seems way worse, especially the ones that show the family reaction.

It also reminded me of a video I saw where a dad, and I think this is very irresponsible, hanged himself with his kids in the house. He was fighting around making noise and his kids were scared.

It's just hard to imagine putting my family through this, and I imagine the thrashing might cause issues if I somehow free myself or someone saves me. In one video, a woman was freed just 4 or 5 minutes into it, and I have no clue if she survived or not but she's likely brain dead if she was.

It was particularly hard for me when I saw younger people. Some even younger than me, and I'm young. The only method I haven't really seen any video of is SN, and I can only imagine how bad that one is. I mean, it's intentionally consuming a poison which converts your hemoglobin into methemoglobin, causing Methemoglobinemia. Probably causes reactions similar to hanging since the basis is similar except you aren't suspended.

I don't know, this was just something I wanted off my chest. A friend who I met here (she's currently taking some time away from this site) even told me since my SI is so strong, maybe I'm meant to be here even if just a little longer. Also my suicidal ideation seems to be situational and due to stress.

Basically I'm starting university, having to move for the first time, getting my own apartment for the first time. It's all a lot of big changes and it's stressing me out. I've tried at least 3 times in the past 2 weeks to try and kill myself. All with partial, and that failed me. I was going to try with a .410 shotgun, but I was uncertain if the caliber would work, even though it's a shotgun and SI wouldn't let me pull the trigger. I couldn't reach it with my finger but I could with my toe. I was so close, but my SI took over and I just laid there and cried.

I've been trying to accept the move and changed ever since, but it's difficult. I don't know what to do, besides just bite the bullet, move, and try to accept it. I think I may begin to like it once I'm out on my own. At least that's what I'm hoping happens. I've still got some shopping to do for the apartment, I plan to move in and sign the lease on the 20th, and I still have to get renters insurance, but that seems relatively informal and simple.

It gets very real, doesn't it?!!
Honestly it sounds to me like you aren't ready & that's fine! Hang around til the time is right.
And a .410 won't work

 

[Peace2peace]

I watched videos ctb by hanging, it's really horrible, it made me give up on this method.


SN is my current method of choice. I watched two different videos of different people ctb with SN. It's nowhere near the same as hanging.
If u follow the protocol, it's totally peaceful.

Where did u watch the sn video

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

It gets very real, doesn't it?!!
Honestly it sounds to me like you aren't ready & that's fine! Hang around til the time is right.
And a .410 won't work

It certainly does.

I am also coming to the realization that I might should stick around for a little longer.

Also why wouldn't a .410 work?

 

[Confusedsoul12345]

I watched videos ctb by hanging, it's really horrible, it made me give up on this method.


SN is my current method of choice. I watched two different videos of different people ctb with SN. It's nowhere near the same as hanging.
If u follow the protocol, it's totally peaceful.

Where did you find the video for SN method?

 

[Blueberry Panic]

I watched videos ctb by hanging, it's really horrible, it made me give up on this method.


SN is my current method of choice. I watched two different videos of different people ctb with SN. It's nowhere near the same as hanging.
If u follow the protocol, it's totally peaceful.

Where did you find the videos on people taking sn? Please tell me

 

[SadFoxDreamer83]

Change is only stressful at first, once you get used to the changes and new surroundings you will feel really good, and you will feel free and more lively than ever. Enjoy the good things about being independent in a new place, explore the surroundings, buy yourself a good pizza, spend an evening watching your favorite movies, take a long hot shower or bath, put on your favorite music, read a book in the silence of your new home, relax, enjoy and focus on the good things about your new situation :-)

 

[Shadows From Hell]

I watched a video years ago of some guy killing himself with a sawed off shotgun. After seeing how brutal that was when his brain matter splattered all over the couch and the wall, then watching the blood running down his face and shoulders....... no thanks, I'll pass.

 

[epicureanaboutdeath]

If you have any reservations about ending your own life, do not do it. This is especially true if your reason is situational.