Don’t want to be here anymore

[Wyldfyre4948]

Had thanksgiving with my family and saw how happy everyone was. I honestly don't think they'd miss me much. If I try and fail again idk how they'd react, especially after being told how they invested in me. Think I'm the only one who had to go home to nothing. My cat is gone and my wife left me months ago. It was so exhausting being there surrounded by happy couples and their kids. Doing my damnedest to look fine and joke.

My marriage is basically over and I have no thoughts of trying to move on. The two biggest loves of my life have both told me "just can't love me the same way I love them." So I don't see the point in trying to find love.

I had my cat for nearly 15 years, and he was the best little pal I could ask for. Just always by my side and even trying to comfort me when I was down. With the way I feel about my cat it makes the idea of getting another seem impossible. That is for two reasons:
1) I don't want to feel like I'm trying to replace my buddy or diminish my time with him.
2) if I'm lucky and get another 15 years with an animal, I'll be devastated all over again. I feel everything very deeply so loss really leaves me empty.

I just don't see a point in dating or getting another pet. Both are very high emotional chances. I don't feel I can trust anyone anymore to even date. My mental health, insecurities, and ptsd aren't anything I really want to expose anyone else to. There really is no winning here. Just a miserable piece of shit who can't actually ctb.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

It must have sheer torture to be around those picture-perfect families. I hope they were sensitive towards your situation. I think you would be missed but I know that's besides the point.

I'm sorry for the loss of your cat. Pets can end up being the one thing that tethers us to life, the sole source of joy. I don't think you'd be dishonoring her by getting another cat. Every relationship is its own independent thing.

That said it's okay if you're still thick in the midst of dealing with the losses of your marriage and cat and if you're not ready to entertain the idea of dating or getting a new pet.