I might be a bit different in saying I actually don't want to die. But I see no other option. I'll be homeless in two weeks. Things just don't work out for me. Jobs didn't work out. Friends didn't work out and neither did family. I was born in poverty so no one can help me anyway. The first time I was on my own I actually had a friend help me and I slept on a couch for four years. It was pretty horrible. And of course that didn't work out either. Twenty-three years of friendship down the drain.
When my father passed we found a 357 magnum in his car. I kept it. I guess it was his gift to me to be able to exit quick and painless. And in two weeks I guess i'll be putting a bullet through my head.
I'm almost 40 years old and I'm terrified to die. I didn't think I would be when the time came. But as it draws closer i'm filled with fear and anxiety. I shake in bed knowing I'm either going to die or be homeless. I'm really not sure which is worse. There's no where to go. No friends and no family. They never really cared about me which was proven the first time I was homeless. My uncle even hung himself when he lost his job when i was a child knowing the family wouldn't help him either. No where for him to go either.
My mother is alive still and lives with her boyfriend who has money and a big house. But they don't care. It's not an option. It hurts to know my own mother doesn't care. I guess she'll take joy in my death. What would be ironic is if they actually pay for a funeral but not willing to help me to try survive a bit longer to find a job. Once you're homeless, its almost impossible to find work. Its only a matter of time before my car is towed because I can't afford insurance. Then roaming the streets like a dog just doesn't seem like an option. Obviously I'll have to ditch everything I own, which isn't much anyway, I live in a hotel right now.
Life is for the rich. I don't have anyone to call to talk to. Anywhere I go on the internet no one wants to hear it. No one cares. I'm very lonely and scared. And I find it all unfair as a good person. Prices went up and I can't find a job that would provide a living at this point.
I tried to pray but I'm not sure if that's going to amount to anything. It doesn't even provide me any comfort. It just makes me cry more.
I assume this is my destiny or fate to finally end my life. We're all going to die one day anyway right. And as a 40 year old I obviously won't have money for retirement so I'll eventually be in the same position once i'm older. It's now or then.
My biggest problem is going to have the courage the pull the trigger. It's going to be hard. I guess I'll have to drink a lot or something. There will probably be a lot of heavy tears.
I'm jealous of people who have family. Always having somewhere they can go. Someone to talk to. Enough to get by. A friends couch to sleep on.
They say you can do anything you want and be anything you want in this world but you can't do it alone. And I'm alone.
When my father passed we found a 357 magnum in his car. I kept it. I guess it was his gift to me to be able to exit quick and painless. And in two weeks I guess i'll be putting a bullet through my head.
I'm almost 40 years old and I'm terrified to die. I didn't think I would be when the time came. But as it draws closer i'm filled with fear and anxiety. I shake in bed knowing I'm either going to die or be homeless. I'm really not sure which is worse. There's no where to go. No friends and no family. They never really cared about me which was proven the first time I was homeless. My uncle even hung himself when he lost his job when i was a child knowing the family wouldn't help him either. No where for him to go either.
My mother is alive still and lives with her boyfriend who has money and a big house. But they don't care. It's not an option. It hurts to know my own mother doesn't care. I guess she'll take joy in my death. What would be ironic is if they actually pay for a funeral but not willing to help me to try survive a bit longer to find a job. Once you're homeless, its almost impossible to find work. Its only a matter of time before my car is towed because I can't afford insurance. Then roaming the streets like a dog just doesn't seem like an option. Obviously I'll have to ditch everything I own, which isn't much anyway, I live in a hotel right now.
Life is for the rich. I don't have anyone to call to talk to. Anywhere I go on the internet no one wants to hear it. No one cares. I'm very lonely and scared. And I find it all unfair as a good person. Prices went up and I can't find a job that would provide a living at this point.
I tried to pray but I'm not sure if that's going to amount to anything. It doesn't even provide me any comfort. It just makes me cry more.
I assume this is my destiny or fate to finally end my life. We're all going to die one day anyway right. And as a 40 year old I obviously won't have money for retirement so I'll eventually be in the same position once i'm older. It's now or then.
My biggest problem is going to have the courage the pull the trigger. It's going to be hard. I guess I'll have to drink a lot or something. There will probably be a lot of heavy tears.
I'm jealous of people who have family. Always having somewhere they can go. Someone to talk to. Enough to get by. A friends couch to sleep on.
They say you can do anything you want and be anything you want in this world but you can't do it alone. And I'm alone.
