Help Don't know if I should say something

[JustA_LittlePerson]

I decided I was going to ctb for some years now, went to a tall place to try to jump a few times but never had the courage. Took some pills this year (or last year i dont remeber) but it didn't work. I I had written my note a long time ago so everything was ok for me to go but now I think I fucked it up again. I think I fell in love with someone (think because idk if someone in my position can really love anyone tbh) and I decided to confess to her. I knew she didn't feel the same but I just wanted to get it out of my chest. She told me she didn't feel the same and that was that, but now I wonder it it'll look like I ended it because of her? This was maybe 2 months ago, and we still talk a bit but I've been thinking that maybe I should say something to her like "it has nothing to do with you" but if I say this it also kinda looks like I'm blaming her? Also maybe she could snitch on me if I tell her, but I do think I told her I might end it sometimes as a joke before and sometimes I really overdid to the point it sounded serious and she never said anything. Apart from not even caring about me or liking me that much I honestly believe she's smarter than to feel guilty for it. Should I say something?

Edit: I plan to do it like 3 months from now (confessed 2 months ago so it would be 5 months), we've also been talking less and less so maybe she won't even notice if I end the relationship now on somewhat good terms. Even if she did find out it would be some time since we stopped talking so maybe she would think it was because of something else. Also, what I mean by saying something is like telling her "If something happens to me it had nothing to do with you" so it maybe looks like a joke? If I did it this way I'm pretty sure she wouldn't say anything but maybe it would make her feel guilty if she didnt. Then again she doesnt really seem to care that much.

 

[Kalista]

i wouldn't recommend it unless you intentionally want her to react a certain way. If do you leave and you care enough, at the very least leave a note that it has nothing to do with her.

usually people will report you to the authorities or they'll tell a friend about it which will then spread.
you say you were ready to exit before confessing and her rejecting you, but in other people's eyes, it most likely won't look like that. remember that suicide talk is not taken lightly.

you want to risk it? then expect something to go wrong on your side.

 

[JustA_LittlePerson]

i wouldn't recommend it unless you intentionally want her to react a certain way. If do you leave and you care enough, at the very least leave a note that it has nothing to do with her.

usually people will report you to the authorities or they'll tell a friend about it which will then spread.
you say you were ready to exit before confessing and her rejecting you, but in other people's eyes, it most likely won't look like that. remember that suicide talk is not taken lightly.

you want to risk it? then expect something to go wrong on your side.

What do you mean by intentionally want her to react a certain way? And ok maybe I'll leave her a note but maybe I dont need to, I plan to do it like 3 months from now, we've also been talking less and less so maybe I just just say "hey this friendship isnt working out" and end it so maybe she wont even know I did it. Even if she did it would be some time since we stopped talking so maybe she would think it was because of something else. And what I mean by saying something is like telling her "If something happens to me it had nothing to do with you" so it maybe looks like a joke? If I did it this way I'm pretty sure she wouldn't say anything but maybe it would make her feel guilty if she didnt. Then again she doesnt really care that much. Thanks for the advice I really, REALLY appreciate it. Much love.

 

[Alex Fermentopathy]

Could you sincerely ask in your note not to blame anyone?

 

[JustA_LittlePerson]

Could you sincerely ask in your note not to blame anyone?

I already did but I don't think she'll have my note. Wrote it for my family pretty much. The only way she could have some sort of note is if I sent a message right before ending it and idk if I wanna risk it. But then again, telling her directly is probably even more risky. Thanks, much love.

 

[Alex Fermentopathy]

I already did but I don't think she'll have my note. Wrote it for my family pretty much. The only way she could have some sort of note is if I sent a message right before ending it and idk if I wanna risk it. But then again, telling her directly is probably even more risky. Thanks, much love.

I agree that sending it right before does not worth the risk. If you have her email, you could send a scheduled (delayed) message.

 

[JustA_LittlePerson]

I agree that sending it right before does not worth the risk. If you have her email, you could send a scheduled (delayed) message.

Thats actually genius. I don't have her email tho