Venting Don’t know how to start this.

[silentsinger]

Hi, I debated a long time about whether or not to join this site. I'm glad I did. I have reached a very bad low. I lost someone i was once very close to due to anorexia last year and i have slowly sunk further and further into a very desperate state of mind. The one thing that really gets to me is that i have been treated for a serious illness that i was diagnosed with last year and i haven't been able to talk about it to anybody i am close to. The chances of me living beyond another 5 years are statistically small, although for now i am physically able to function. I feel very alone. I didn't have a very nice childhood and i have lost all of my friends. I did have a couple of lovely friends at work up until i started having issues with my health last year. I have lost contact with one of them and i fear that i have also lost the other one. I was so lucky to see them every day.The other day i heard that song by the band 'ash', 'shining light'. It made me think of them and I couldn't stop sobbing. I often think about a train or hanging but it frightens me. People sometimes refer to it as the easy way out, yet i disagree. It is a hard choice and a last resort and if i had my life back to how it was a year ago, I wouldn't even be considering it. I'm sorry for ranting, I'm just very desperate, alone and frightened. I hope i can be of help to some of you if you need a friend. Sorry everyone.

 

[DrownedOctopus]

Just like you, it took me a very long time to join the site. Having no one to talk to about this can really take its toll, mentally and even physically.
The great thing about this site is just that, you can freely speak without judgement on topics others in our lives get uncomfortable discussing.
I agree that suicide is in no way the "easy way out."
There are survival instincts to get over and any fears you might have about the act. It takes a lot for someone to consider suicide, and a great deal more to go through with it.
I'm sure everything going on is overwhelming for you, so I can see why you've considered it. Exhausting all other options, I think we all agree it is your choice and right to take your own life if you feel that is the right decision for you.
Either way you decide, we will support your choice. I hope you find whatever peace you're searching for, either in continuing your life or by ending it.
If you feel the need to discuss things nobody in your life will understand or be comfortable with talking about, feel free to pm me.
Best of luck

 

[silentsinger]

Thank you so much. I'm very tired of feeling this upset all the time and that was such a kind response. I really appreciate it.

 

[DrownedOctopus]

Completely understandable! It's difficult constantly being in pain of any type, I'm just sorry there isn't someone in your life that seems to understand that.
Serious illness is bad enough, dealing with it alone is even worse. I hope at the very least this site can help you feel not so alone, and you can discuss openly your thoughts and feelings to relieve some of that off your shoulders.

 

[DivorceIsMyWhy]

Hi, I debated a long time about whether or not to join this site. I'm glad I did. I have reached a very bad low. I lost someone i was once very close to due to anorexia last year and i have slowly sunk further and further into a very desperate state of mind. The one thing that really gets to me is that i have been treated for a serious illness that i was diagnosed with last year and i haven't been able to talk about it to anybody i am close to. The chances of me living beyond another 5 years are statistically small, although for now i am physically able to function. I feel very alone. I didn't have a very nice childhood and i have lost all of my friends. I did have a couple of lovely friends at work up until i started having issues with my health last year. I have lost contact with one of them and i fear that i have also lost the other one. I was so lucky to see them every day.The other day i heard that song by the band 'ash', 'shining light'. It made me think of them and I couldn't stop sobbing. I often think about a train or hanging but it frightens me. People sometimes refer to it as the easy way out, yet i disagree. It is a hard choice and a last resort and if i had my life back to how it was a year ago, I wouldn't even be considering it. I'm sorry for ranting, I'm just very desperate, alone and frightened. I hope i can be of help to some of you if you need a friend. Sorry everyone.

 

[Kikoo Loool]

Welcome, I'm sorry for your situation. I hope you'll find here support and friends. I need to too.

 

[Final Escape]

Hi, I debated a long time about whether or not to join this site. I'm glad I did. I have reached a very bad low. I lost someone i was once very close to due to anorexia last year and i have slowly sunk further and further into a very desperate state of mind. The one thing that really gets to me is that i have been treated for a serious illness that i was diagnosed with last year and i haven't been able to talk about it to anybody i am close to. The chances of me living beyond another 5 years are statistically small, although for now i am physically able to function. I feel very alone. I didn't have a very nice childhood and i have lost all of my friends. I did have a couple of lovely friends at work up until i started having issues with my health last year. I have lost contact with one of them and i fear that i have also lost the other one. I was so lucky to see them every day.The other day i heard that song by the band 'ash', 'shining light'. It made me think of them and I couldn't stop sobbing. I often think about a train or hanging but it frightens me. People sometimes refer to it as the easy way out, yet i disagree. It is a hard choice and a last resort and if i had my life back to how it was a year ago, I wouldn't even be considering it. I'm sorry for ranting, I'm just very desperate, alone and frightened. I hope i can be of help to some of you if you need a friend. Sorry everyone.

Glad you are with us, many people can relate with u here. We might have different circumstances but similar struggles.

 

[silentsinger]

Thank you, it's nice to meet you all, you all seem so kind. It means a lot.

 

[Kikoo Loool]

Thank you, it's nice to meet you all, you all seem so kind. It means a lot.

Whatever the day or the hour you'll find someone to listen to you or talk with you.

 

[Maximoo]

I'm sorry you're going through this and hopefully this site will help you feel less lonely. And I agree with you, suicide sure as hell isn't the easy way out. Attempting suicide was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Just know that we're here for you.

 

[Volomori83]

Im deeply sorry for how you've suffered in life so far, but we all understand that deciding whether or not to commit suicide is by far the most difficult things anyone can do in their lives. There is absolutely nothing easy about any of this.

You've come to the right place for kindness, support and, where possible, guidance. The support and advice I've received from here since joining, and like you I took ages to join, has been invaluable to me. Just to know that there were people who thought the same way I do, offered opinion without judgement or reproach has helped me immensely. It will help you too if you allow it.

No one here will force you to choose to live or to die but will always be honest with you, which I hope gives you comfort. Whatever you decide to do, this community will be here for you through every step, every good day and bad, every decision you make.

Thank you for sharing your story with us.

 

[21Neberg]

Don't be sorry for venting! We all need to vent sometimes, and I'm very glad you've joined us. I'm sure you'll find the kind and open minded people on this forum a blessing.

 

[silentsinger]

Thank you, I feel bad for not replying to everyone individually, ive had a particularly overwhelming day (as i'm sure many people have). I am not always online and there may be periods of hours where I don't visit this website but I would always try to be there too, I'm just very grateful for all the support tonight. Thanks again for your kind words and advice.

 

[JustAboutDone]

Glad you are with us, many people can relate with u here. We might have different circumstances but similar struggles.

@silentsinger i echo these words. Sending you love

 

[silentsinger]

It is hard isn't it to feel do desperate? It is almost like each day your heart shatters into smaller and smaller pieces. I miss so many things, especially people (I've always been too sentimental). I would love to go back in time to this time last year, just for one day.

'Roman candles that burn in the night
Yeah you are a shining light
You lit a torch in the empty night
Yeah you are a shining light
Yeah you light up my life'.

 

[silentsinger]

I feel so frightened, I don't know what else to say.

 

[Donewith_]

Sorry about your health condition... as others said ,you can get good support here.its a good place.

Did the docs say that it's a lot serious and the expectations or are you assuming?
I'm sorry that you've lost your friends.
And about the people who mock you about the decisions you make.. they are not walking in your shoes. Try to not mind what they say... people can't know something unless they face it themselves.

You are not alone .. we are all in this together fighting our own battles. We are here with you.

 

[kwalah]

Takes a lot to open up, even over the internet. I hope you find yourself a comfy place here and maybe it takes a bit of the weight off your shoulders.

Best wishes.

 

[Kikoo Loool]

I feel so frightened, I don't know what else to say.

You're not alone, we'll listen t you if you need it.

 

[silentsinger]

I just think it's sad that so many of us feel the same way, yet it's nice to have the support of those that understand. I don't mean much to anyone (unfortunately) which isn't a reason to stop trying. I just don't mean anything to myself I suppose.

 

[silentsinger]

Sorry about your health condition... as others said ,you can get good support here.its a good place.

Did the docs say that it's a lot serious and the expectations or are you assuming?
I'm sorry that you've lost your friends.
And about the people who mock you about the decisions you make.. they are not walking in your shoes. Try to not mind what they say... people can't know something unless they face it themselves.

You are not alone .. we are all in this together fighting our own battles. We are here with you.

they did. but I can have several healthy years too. you sound really nice by the way .

 

[silentsinger]

You're not alone, we'll listen t you if you need it.

You're not alone, we'll listen t you if you need it.

you are very kind, that means a lot.