Venting don't know how to live with this

[jmv]

I am so broken. i don't know how to live with the suicide of my boyfriend. it feels like i'm such a burden because i am a shell of a human ever since he's been gone. i know my friends are tired of me talking about how much i miss him and they're not there for me as much as they used to be when he first passed. i know i'm annoying with how sad i am all the time. i feel so fucking useless i don't know how to live the rest of my life with how traumatizing losing him was. the pain is so fucking unbearable i miss him so fucking much and he was one of the few good things i had in my life. i am so crippled with guilt and anxiety and depression every fucking day on how i should have done more and regretting not spending more time with him. i don't want to do this anymore. it's been 7 months and it's the same if not worse.

i keep thinking about CTB but i don't want to hurt people the way i'm hurting now with having lost him. but i don't fucking know how to do this anymore. i don't know how to live without him or how it happened or how not to blame myself. i am so fucking dead inside and in so much pain i feel so alone. then i think no one would miss me anyways and i'd be doing everyone a favor. i'm so tired of feeling like this i don't want to exist anymore

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss, and losing someone can definitely be hard. One thing that comes out of this situation is that he is no longer suffering and at peace. I don't know what to say except I hope you find peace in whatever you choose to do, whether it is to continue living or to exiting this life.

 

[lifeORdeath]

Yeah crazy how the folks that are friends and there for you, get fed up fast. Some won't even wave or talk to me now and say that I am toxic and crazy, not to my face, but to others, and earn others to stay away. Sad. I'm sorry you are in pain.

 

[FuneralCry]

Losing people can be one of the hardest things that people have to deal with, it's inevitable in a life like this because as humans we will all lose everything eventually, but it must be painful being in that situation. At least all those who have left this world achieved the freedom that they were looking for, they are not trapped here suffering anymore. I wish you the best.

 

[CandyCane]

I had a boyfriend suicide when I was in college. You get over it. It just takes quite a bit of time. I don't think about it ever now.

 

[outrider567]

I am so broken. i don't know how to live with the suicide of my boyfriend. it feels like i'm such a burden because i am a shell of a human ever since he's been gone. i know my friends are tired of me talking about how much i miss him and they're not there for me as much as they used to be when he first passed. i know i'm annoying with how sad i am all the time. i feel so fucking useless i don't know how to live the rest of my life with how traumatizing losing him was. the pain is so fucking unbearable i miss him so fucking much and he was one of the few good things i had in my life. i am so crippled with guilt and anxiety and depression every fucking day on how i should have done more and regretting not spending more time with him. i don't want to do this anymore. it's been 7 months and it's the same if not worse.

i keep thinking about CTB but i don't want to hurt people the way i'm hurting now with having lost him. but i don't fucking know how to do this anymore. i don't know how to live without him or how it happened or how not to blame myself. i am so fucking dead inside and in so much pain i feel so alone. then i think no one would miss me anyways and i'd be doing everyone a favor. i'm so tired of feeling like this i don't want to exist anymore

I can relate, feel the same about my late girlfriend

 

[makethepainstop]

I am so broken. i don't know how to live with the suicide of my boyfriend. it feels like i'm such a burden because i am a shell of a human ever since he's been gone. i know my friends are tired of me talking about how much i miss him and they're not there for me as much as they used to be when he first passed. i know i'm annoying with how sad i am all the time. i feel so fucking useless i don't know how to live the rest of my life with how traumatizing losing him was. the pain is so fucking unbearable i miss him so fucking much and he was one of the few good things i had in my life. i am so crippled with guilt and anxiety and depression every fucking day on how i should have done more and regretting not spending more time with him. i don't want to do this anymore. it's been 7 months and it's the same if not worse.

i keep thinking about CTB but i don't want to hurt people the way i'm hurting now with having lost him. but i don't fucking know how to do this anymore. i don't know how to live without him or how it happened or how not to blame myself. i am so fucking dead inside and in so much pain i feel so alone. then i think no one would miss me anyways and i'd be doing everyone a favor. i'm so tired of feeling like this i don't want to exist anymore

I feel your pain, nothing hurts more than a lost love. But id like to get you to think about this.... boyfriend was in pain of such great magnitude and strength, he couldn't find any other relief. But he would not want you to grieve yourself into suicide also. I hate when anyone dies, especially guys. We guys are supposed to be tough as nails, stronger than steel, and smart as whip, yet we guys do have our hurts and feelings too. I didn't know your dude, but I promise you he wouldn't want you to feel like this. Yes you miss him, (completely understandable), and it hurts without him, but he felt this was his only way out. Much love to you in your distress.