Don't end up like me (SCUBA mask method)

[ScubaCTB]

I'm in my 40s. My life has been nothing but hell. Divorced parents which led to lifelong trust issues, incurable STD (herpes) due to high-risk sex behaviors, no career, no family, no friends, no nothing. I should have gotten married when I was in my early 20s. I had so many opportunities. But I thought I'd forever be young and attractive, and women would always love me like that. Nope. Trust/abandonment issues, fear of spreading disease to someone I love, etc. rendered me a useless POS for the last 20+ years. I've tried to be content being alone. But I cannot. Life has zero meaning. I live to pay rent (don't own a home) and eat. That's it.

As mentioned in another thread, I'm using the scuba mask/nitrogen method if I can get more info. I do not want to see another birthday, which is in a few months. All I ever wanted in life was love. You cannot control that at all. So here I am. I will drive to a remote area, abandon my car, hike for several miles into the woods (hopefully don't get killed by a bear or mountain lion in the process), put on my camoflage suit, drink a bottle of rum, and CTB. Hopefully wearing the suit and painting the nitrogen cannister green and brown will make it very difficult to find me, for at least several months. I just want to disappear. Nobody will care.

I know that the younger generations have a lot of weird dynamics when it comes to dating. But don't end up like me. If you have that special one now, you are NEVER too young to get married. Life is all about family, love, career, house/home and community. I have none of that. Don't be me---a 40-something catching the bus.

FYI, I was inspired by this guy, as far as method. Seems to work fast and effectively.

(PDF) Suicidal Nitrogen Inhalation by use of Scuba Full-Face Diving Mask

PDF | A 29-year-old man was found dead lying on the bed in a hotel room in a famous Slovak mountain resort. He had a full-face diving mask on his face,... | Find, read and cite all the research you need on ResearchGate

www.researchgate.net

 

[raindrops]

"I know that the younger generations have a lot of weird dynamics when it comes to dating. But don't end up like me. If you have that special one now, you are NEVER too young to get married. Life is all about family, love, career, house/home and community. I have none of that."
I relate to this and the trust issues, all i do is push people away. Don't be offended if i say reading this has inspired me more, tbh and I need more courage to do it. I'm choosing to jump, though, really taking my time about it, at this point i may as well hire a hitman. My partner left me after 15 years, he left me once before for 4 months. (this time is different - I'm 30!!! Living with my grandmother, my only family. I'm introverted, kinda socially awkward) He only ever flirted & kissed a girl, and so I made his life a living hell every day because of it. I wish I forgave him sincerely. Now what must I endure if i choose to live? The idea of hookups scares me, it isn't fun to me. So many weird dynamics, you're right. I wish i could do that method too. *hugs* I know that empty worthless feeling so well. Don't be me - if you choose to forgive someone, forgive and forget. Don't punish someone everyday. Or just move on if unforgivable. @ScubaCTB this is such a caring, open-minded community, so if you decide not to do it, people will be here to listen to you vent, I found that SS has become a coping mechanism, by coming here and venting, don't get me wrong, I still want & need to ctb to stop this pain entirely. Decisions, decisions. I feel like a living corpse anyway, lonely, no one to talk to, I'm basically a ghost already.

 

[ScubaCTB]

"Don't be offended if i say reading this has inspired me more, tbh and I need more courage to do it. I'm choosing to jump, though, really taking my time about it, at this point i may as well hire a hitman."

I'm not offended at all. I appreciate the response. Thank you. I took it a couple different ways. Did I inspire you more to jump or "jump into" trying to live again?

Frankly, 30 is still very young. It was a mental thing/age for me ("OMG, I'm 30 now...not 20-something. I'm old."). I used to lie about my age when I was 30. It was a major mental hurdle that forced me to get my act together. I earned my bachelor's degree in my 30s and had well-paying jobs. Living like...a young adult. It took many years of natural healing for my body to fight off the STD. It's essentially cured. That happened in my 30s too, the cure that is. But my psyche and mental health were very damaged by then. I feared spreading disease to someone I loved, even though the disease hasn't bothered me now in 15 years. I didn't/don't even bother talking to women, even though beautiful ones would/will smile big at me, making the first move, etc. That led to bruised ego and sexual performance issues, which killed my once-high confidence in attracting women and positive outlook on life in general.

Now if I inspired you more to CTB, I'm fine with that too. The last 15 years of my life have been nothing but going through the motions...with the exception of 2 years of a great girlfriend, business ops, building community again, etc. I've had so many financial windfalls due to my type of work. But I don't even want to live in this world with financial opportunities. It's useless when you have nobody to share it with, and nobody to pass it onto.

@raindrops Your generation's "hookup culture" was when we went to malls and skating rinks in the 80s and 90s to meet girls. This current technology culture MAKES people socially awkward, as you stated. Face-to-Face spontaneous meeting and communication is over. I think that sucks, and I think it's only going to get worse. You have five more prime years. 35 and after is when your body and mind will start showing signs of age. If you wanted to try again at this human life, maybe for a year, do it. Now or never. Otherwise, all I can say about jumping, is that it will take incredible nerve and courage to do it. That method is second only to blowing your brains out, as far as scary ways to CTB. Good luck.

I just hope the nitrogen/SCUBA thing is really just taking a few breaths, going to sleep in a minute, and never waking up.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

I hope you find peace.
It's one of my preferred methods too.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this and life is so rough for you. I hope u find peace!

Welcome to the community! Have u read through the inert gas/N2 mega-thread?

 

[ScubaCTB]

I hope you find peace.
It's one of my preferred methods too.

I was thinking of combining the SN method with nitrogen just to make it 100% effective. Drink the SN, then quickly put the SCUBA mask on...? SN seems fairly easy to obtain in the U.S. But I just hate reading about some of the autopsies. It does not sound very peaceful or pleasant. I just hope that I can figure out this regulator/adapter thing for the SCUBA mask CTB. I want to be gone in the next couple weeks so I don't have to scrounge for rent again.

 

[hellispink]

Best wishes on your journey. Life indeed is a prison. May you find peace and freedom wherever you go.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

I was thinking of combining the SN method with nitrogen just to make it 100% effective. Drink the SN, then quickly put the SCUBA mask on...? SN seems fairly easy to obtain in the U.S. But I just hate reading about some of the autopsies. It does not sound very peaceful or pleasant. I just hope that I can figure out this regulator/adapter thing for the SCUBA mask CTB. I want to be gone in the next couple weeks so I don't have to scrounge for rent again.

You read my mind! Scuba + a secondary method is something im looking to do too!!
as weird as it sounds, im excited for your journey. a bit jealous too, because you get to go earlier.

 

[reborn87]

"Don't be offended if i say reading this has inspired me more, tbh and I need more courage to do it. I'm choosing to jump, though, really taking my time about it, at this point i may as well hire a hitman."

I'm not offended at all. I appreciate the response. Thank you. I took it a couple different ways. Did I inspire you more to jump or "jump into" trying to live again?

Frankly, 30 is still very young. It was a mental thing/age for me ("OMG, I'm 30 now...not 20-something. I'm old."). I used to lie about my age when I was 30. It was a major mental hurdle that forced me to get my act together. I earned my bachelor's degree in my 30s and had well-paying jobs. Living like...a young adult. It took many years of natural healing for my body to fight off the STD. It's essentially cured. That happened in my 30s too, the cure that is. But my psyche and mental health were very damaged by then. I feared spreading disease to someone I loved, even though the disease hasn't bothered me now in 15 years. I didn't/don't even bother talking to women, even though beautiful ones would/will smile big at me, making the first move, etc. That led to bruised ego and sexual performance issues, which killed my once-high confidence in attracting women and positive outlook on life in general.

Now if I inspired you more to CTB, I'm fine with that too. The last 15 years of my life have been nothing but going through the motions...with the exception of 2 years of a great girlfriend, business ops, building community again, etc. I've had so many financial windfalls due to my type of work. But I don't even want to live in this world with financial opportunities. It's useless when you have nobody to share it with, and nobody to pass it onto.

@raindrops Your generation's "hookup culture" was when we went to malls and skating rinks in the 80s and 90s to meet girls. This current technology culture MAKES people socially awkward, as you stated. Face-to-Face spontaneous meeting and communication is over. I think that sucks, and I think it's only going to get worse. You have five more prime years. 35 and after is when your body and mind will start showing signs of age. If you wanted to try again at this human life, maybe for a year, do it. Now or never. Otherwise, all I can say about jumping, is that it will take incredible nerve and courage to do it. That method is second only to blowing your brains out, as far as scary ways to CTB. Good luck.

I just hope the nitrogen/SCUBA thing is really just taking a few breaths, going to sleep in a minute, and never waking up.

It seems the man in the link that you put a PDF suffered a lot since he had long hemorrhage and blood issues that were found in the autopsy? Did he suffocate to it says anaphylaxis. So did he feel like he was struggling to breathe?

Where did you get your nitrogen tank? And is it food grade or industrial grade?

 

[Aloneandinpain]

I'm in my 40s and still haven't even had my first kiss yet. I'm not autistic or anything but I've just never figured out dating/relationships. I've had spells when I didn't or couldn't try enough, but when I do it's 100% rejection and that just makes me want to try less.

 

[reborn87]

I'm in my 40s. My life has been nothing but hell. Divorced parents which led to lifelong trust issues, incurable STD (herpes) due to high-risk sex behaviors, no career, no family, no friends, no nothing. I should have gotten married when I was in my early 20s. I had so many opportunities. But I thought I'd forever be young and attractive, and women would always love me like that. Nope. Trust/abandonment issues, fear of spreading disease to someone I love, etc. rendered me a useless POS for the last 20+ years. I've tried to be content being alone. But I cannot. Life has zero meaning. I live to pay rent (don't own a home) and eat. That's it.

As mentioned in another thread, I'm using the scuba mask/nitrogen method if I can get more info. I do not want to see another birthday, which is in a few months. All I ever wanted in life was love. You cannot control that at all. So here I am. I will drive to a remote area, abandon my car, hike for several miles into the woods (hopefully don't get killed by a bear or mountain lion in the process), put on my camoflage suit, drink a bottle of rum, and CTB. Hopefully wearing the suit and painting the nitrogen cannister green and brown will make it very difficult to find me, for at least several months. I just want to disappear. Nobody will care.

I know that the younger generations have a lot of weird dynamics when it comes to dating. But don't end up like me. If you have that special one now, you are NEVER too young to get married. Life is all about family, love, career, house/home and community. I have none of that. Don't be me---a 40-something catching the bus.

FYI, I was inspired by this guy, as far as method. Seems to work fast and effectively.

(PDF) Suicidal Nitrogen Inhalation by use of Scuba Full-Face Diving Mask

PDF | A 29-year-old man was found dead lying on the bed in a hotel room in a famous Slovak mountain resort. He had a full-face diving mask on his face,... | Find, read and cite all the research you need on ResearchGate

www.researchgate.net

@Tears in Rain in the PDF paper doesn't it seem that he died from suffocation so it would've been a painful death?

 

[Tears in Rain]

@Tears in Rain in the PDF paper doesn't it seem that he died from suffocation so it would've been a painful death?

He died of suffocation; death suffocation is just death due to lack of oxygen, it doesn't mean it's painful:



His death occurred due to lack of oxygen. With this method there is no perceived pain, because the body is continually inhaling the nitrogen/inert gas in place of oxygen. So there is no panic response.



You asked @ScubaCTB in a previous post where he got the nitrogen tank. He left the site due to arguments with some people:

unorthodox goodbye post

Here it is. The post that made me leave here. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/religion-christianity.149767/page-2#post-2328560 I just don't think I belong anywhere in this world. I said nothing confrontational or aggressive. And that's a matter of your opinions. But this is why I will...

sanctioned-suicide.net