Venting Doing life admin while wanting to ctb

[avalokitesvara]

I have to do some really important things related to a potential major life change in the near future, while simultaneously being completely lost in ideation. All I have any motivation to do is sit in bed in a dark room thinking about and reading/writing about ctb and listening to music. I have never before lacked so much motivation even for something I really really want. In fact I've had MORE motivation for things that I didn't really want but felt obliged to do. In other times I would make a to-do list and crack on. I suppose right now I don't really believe in a future for me at all, whereas before I did. It also feels like part of a ctb journey to let important things slide, to fuck things up, so it becomes easier to detach and go. Idk. I suppose I will last-minute everything if it comes to that point. I've never been anything other than competent and conscientious so I suppose all that conditioning will kick in and I will continue to function as a societal unit by doing these tasks.

 

[GoSan1]

I have to do some really important things related to a potential major life change in the near future, while simultaneously being completely lost in ideation. All I have any motivation to do is sit in bed in a dark room thinking about and reading/writing about ctb and listening to music. I have never before lacked so much motivation even for something I really really want. In fact I've had MORE motivation for things that I didn't really want but felt obliged to do. In other times I would make a to-do list and crack on. I suppose right now I don't really believe in a future for me at all, whereas before I did. It also feels like part of a ctb journey to let important things slide, to fuck things up, so it becomes easier to detach and go. Idk. I suppose I will last-minute everything if it comes to that point. I've never been anything other than competent and conscientious so I suppose all that conditioning will kick in and I will continue to function as a societal unit by doing these tasks.

Having a Plan B to turn to once everything goes bad always makes things much easier.
I hope that whatever is going on in your life ends with a happy ending! <3