Doing it whilst pregnant

[Sophie1994]

For multiple genuine reasons I don't wish to get in to, this is what I have decided to do.

I am currently 12 weeks pregnant, if I wasn't going to do this then I would have to have a termination anyway due to the situation.

Would this change how I should do it?

 

[Stepda]

I dont know the answer. But would only say don't act on impulse. I understand that you say you will have a termination in any case. Just be as sure as you can be. Im sorry you are in this situation. If you had a termination would that change or help your situation or still stuck in the same shit?

 

[Retched]

Personally, I'd terminate the pregnancy first and see how you're doing after the procedure. It seems unnecessarily guilt inducing to try to ctb while pregnant. I hope things get better for you though, sounds like a trying time.

 

[Krammm]

I have alot to say on this subject.

I terminated a pregnancy at that fetus age and have lived to regret it. Further, that broke down my body leading to other physical issues.

I lost my job due to depression after this and disappointed alot of people, including myself. The pain I suffered after termination was NOT worth it, the guilt, the self hate. I engaged in some temporary self harm after I did it and every day was a boiling, living hell for about a year.

If you must CTB, do it AFTER the baby is born. Leave the baby with your mom, let it be adopted etc, then fine....CTB. But don't make that a life ending decision for your child. I did and I live with that self hate and awful, soul wrenching regret.

Let the baby have a good life, I really beg you from the bottom of my heart.

I wouldn't listen to any logic in the lead up to my termination, please I beg you, please listen to someone who has walked those shoes. I should have allowed that baby to live to my ever present regret. May it rest in peace.

(Note: I wouldn't have felt this bad if the termination had happened when the fetus was younger.)

 

[Stepda]

Just to balance things here a little. I have had a termination and do not feel any guilt or any bad feeling. It was absolutely the right decision at that time.

 

[Sophie1994]

Thanks for your replies.

I already have a 7 year old daughter, she lives with her dad (my own choice, she wasn't taken from me) I have bipolar and BPD so I wasn't being the mom she deserved and doing normal mom things. Of course I was feeding and clothing her, keeping her warm etc but I didn't interact and give her the attention she deserved. Her father is amazing and mentally well with a good job and high income so I knew she would be better with him, and she is. I still see her for a week a month (she lives a 6 hour drive away) we aren't close at all because we've been apart for so long and this upsets me, I wish I could have done better but when I became a mother I was 17 and I wasn't ready.

I was at university studying law, I had high hopes for the future and I was working part time as a legal secretary. Things went downhill in 2017. This was when I decided my daughter should live with her dad, I quit uni, I quit my job and I moved back in with my parents. My illness was hurting me and everyone around me, BPD is the worst and makes me switch personalities from nice to horrible and I have an unusual pattern of thinking, I'm emotionally extremely unstable. I've been in a depressive phase of my bipolar for months and BPD makes this worse, I just can't live my entire life like this and I will end up ruining my kids life's if I do. I can't watch everyone around me be happy, have their life sorted, families etc when I'm like this, it's so painful. I am on meds (have switched several times) and I've had DBT therapy. I've given up even going to the doctors, nothing helps.

I stay in bed sleeping the majority of the day sleeping and I'm not being over dramatic. Obviously the pregnancy causes me to sleep more than usual but even so, this is excessive. I wake around 12-1pm, I will eat etc. Go back to bed, stay awake and watch TV, maybe write or go on my phone. Have another nap at about 4pm, wake up at 6pm eat again, maybe get up for a while and watch TV downstairs. Usually IL stay up till around 2am just watching things, writing, crying etc. I've lost count of the time I've spent trying to sort out my life. Parents are traveling so they're not here or aware, I live in their home.

I was seeing someone a few months ago, I got pregnant as a result. I really didn't want an abortion, I know 100% that not only will I feel massive guilt but I'd also start imagining stuff (long story, my daughter had a twin who was stillborn, after that I had phycotic episodes where I would hear her and see the dead baby) he doesn't want the baby, said if I kept it he wants nothing to do with the baby and his family have said the same. He's got a lawyer involved to state that he doesn't want a relationship with the child but will accept financial responsibility, I haven't responded. I can't do it on my own, even with his involvement I couldn't. But I can't get an abortion either, my mind will be fucked.

 

[SeekingSolace]

Just to balance things here a little. I have had a termination and do not feel any guilt or any bad feeling. It was absolutely the right decision at that time.

I also had an abortion almost ten years ago and I was seven weeks along. I have never felt any regret because I know it was the right choice. I wish my mother would have made the same responsible choice about my life. Instead here I am having seizures & suffering from mental illness just like she does. I'm glad I didn't bring a child into this. Nobody deserves this.

 

[RememberWhatUCameFor]

I can't do it on my own, even with his involvement I couldn't. But I can't get an abortion either, my mind will be fucked.

adoption?

i dont think trying to ctb is a good idea - imagine you survive but the baby is somehow damaged and its somehow too late for abortion..

 

[Final Escape]

For multiple genuine reasons I don't wish to get in to, this is what I have decided to do.

I am currently 12 weeks pregnant, if I wasn't going to do this then I would have to have a termination anyway due to the situation.

Would this change how I should do it?

So sad, I been in same boat many times. I wish I could say don't abort but I'd be a hypocrite. I would never tell someone to go get one. It is a lifelong trauma, and if u stay alive it will come back to haunt u sometimes years later in the form of grief that is unexpected. I figured that because it's legal to terminate your fetus that maybe it wasn't that big of a deal but I ended up traumatized especially after more than one abortion. Your baby is actually pretty far along :(" I once had a termination at 13 weeks. Anyway u can ignore this post, and I understand if u still go ahead with abortion.

 

[Shewaitsforme]

I wish i could have children, cant even get pregnant. You do what you feel is right for you noone else

 

[Sophie1994]

I felt happy briefly when I found out I was pregnant because I thought maybe this is a reason to live and not choose suicide. Just have a lot of thinking to do

 

[Final Escape]

I felt happy briefly when I found out I was pregnant because I thought maybe this is a reason to live and not choose suicide. Just have a lot of thinking to do

Don't give in to the pressure of other people to get u to abort. I won't go into the evils of the abortion industry, but it's not really about helping women. It's never really a choice when u feel pressure to destroy your unborn. The baby will definitely give meaning in life and reason to live.

 

[Krammm]

To follow up. To me this post isn't about whether you terminate or not. I believe the original question was about CTBing. That is up to you.

If that is the decision you make that's your decision. However I'd let the child get a good home, and then go ahead and CTB (or not) based on my experience.

Sounds like you've been through the ringer with the still born. I'm so sorry for your pain.

One final note- don't let a man dictate what you do with your body. Just because he doesn't want the baby means squat. He'll financially support the baby? Great! Get it a good home, the baby will be financially supported- with you or someone else and move on in your life.

 

[Krammm]

Yes- I feel the industry makes it so easy and seem like not such a big deal. It ended up being a huge deal, but they totally downplayed it, but the deed was done. :( I couldn't undo the termination

Don't give in to the pressure of other people to get u to abort. I won't go into the evils of the abortion industry, but it's not really about helping women. It's never really a choice when u feel pressure to destroy your unborn. The baby will definitely give meaning in life and reason to live.

 

[stellabelle]

Sounds like you're really caught between a rock and a hard place. I've read this again and again and again and wish that I could find something meaningful to contribute and say. Have you considered just waiting a few more months, delivering, and then deciding for yourself?

If you survive an attempt but your baby has sustained irreversible damage, you might have another issue with a stillborn. And even worse, they might live but with serious issues and complications because of the attempt.

I understand that you are concerned about guilt and the toll that it will take on your mental health if you terminate, but it might be a better option if you plan to depart this world yourself. You could leave shortly after if you had to.

Take care.

 

[Hayalet]

For multiple genuine reasons I don't wish to get in to, this is what I have decided to do.

I am currently 12 weeks pregnant, if I wasn't going to do this then I would have to have a termination anyway due to the situation.

Would this change how I should do it?

I'm anti abortion and pregnant so I'd say wait. Give your baby a. Chance .I'm trying to