Doing it tonight

[SubZero]

There is nothing that I can do to get by much longer. Everyday is a physical and mental torture and I am thinking of going tonight. Prepared my backpack with N, a plastic cup and a knife and going to the forest in several hours when it gets dark here so no one sees me. I did not prepare for it, it is just an impulse i do not want to miss.

Question about food - I have a sensitive stomach, what do I eat now or I skip eating?

 

[FuneralCry]

I do not know the answer, but I'm sorry that you suffer so unbearably. Life is so cruel and unfair. I hope that you find relief from your pain in whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[whatevs]

What's the knife for?

 

[SubZero]

What's the knife for?

For opening the bottles

 

[Al_stargate]

Sorry it came to this man, wish you well in whatever happens as they say here! Not sure about food, if you gonna eat probably make it light.

 

[SubZero]

Thank you for the comments guys. I am making myself mentally prepared. 2 hours until it gets dark here.

 

[Ἡγησίας]

No antiemetics? It's said you should eat something light before ingesting N, but I guess you know this already.

I wish you a peaceful departure.

 

[September5th]

Sad to think that it has to end like this. I wish you'll be at peace soon.

 

[SubZero]

No antiemetics? It's said you should eat something light before ingesting N, but I guess you know this already.

I wish you a peaceful departure.

I have ordered but they will take a week to arrive

 

[Dead Meat]

I'm so sorry to see you go @SubZero I want to wish you a very comfortable and pleasant journey and may you have Neverending peace and tranquility you Beautiful Soul.

 

[Rational man]

Wishing you PEACE. Nature is so beautiful. I know when I die my executor will scatter my ashes in a stream within a forest. i will be nutrients for the fish and life will continue in other species.

 

[luke_skywalker]

May you find peace. I heard that AE is recommended, not mendatory. Thus saw few memebers here who succeded N without AE like meto (assume they succeded cause they did not appear after their last post)

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Be well. May you find the peace you seek.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Godspeed.

 

[Al_stargate]

You still with us?

 

[SleepyBB]

@SubZero I hope you find the courage to decide to stay. I'm sorry You've found this to be your only option. I hope the best for you and that you find peace

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I have ordered but they will take a week to arrive

Take something OTC like Nexium or the like.

 

[SubZero]

I chickened out again.... The second time I have an impulse and cannot do it. Why can't I just go with it.... I have a place and a method chosen but I am so afraid when I feel the urge to do it - it is a mixed feeling.

Yeaterday I was sitting and staring at one point of the horizon thinking this will be the night. One moment I believe I will do it and the next I can't....

 

[msci4499]

it's ok!
Keeping your N save is the most important (golden ticket)
No problem with the delay in getting on the bus

if i have N
I'll look for a job three or four hours a day
live life easily
After a few months or half a year
Go when you are sure
Don't push yourself too hard

 

[Seeking_Peace]

Don't put pressure on yourself. We're here for you.

 

[ultraviolet]

I'm sorry you had to suffer. May you find peace from your suffering, and happiness on the other side.

 

[SubZero]

it's ok!
Keeping your N save is the most important (golden ticket)
No problem with the delay in getting on the bus

if i have N
I'll look for a job three or four hours a day
live life easily
After a few months or half a year
Go when you are sure
Don't push yourself too hard

Problem is I am disabled from my ear issues and I am homebound. I cannot tolerate everyday sounds and I don't imagine finding any job which requires silence.

Furthermore, my issues are worsening daily , and new ones emerge all the time. In a previous thread of mine I mentioned my family curse and some people did not believe me, however I am still living it unfortunately. Prolonging death in my case means even more intense suffering on all levels. This is why i know 101% that I would be better gone today than tomorrow, because tomorrow only brings more problem to my health and hence more pain and suffering.

I lost everything I had in life due to hyperacusis and tinnitus. The level I have them is unlivable and brutally limiting.

Anyway thanks for the support guys, I really appreciate it. I hope to be gone really soon, but SI is holding me back and I have to fight it hard.

 

[outrider567]

Problem is I am disabled from my ear issues and I am homebound. I cannot tolerate everyday sounds and I don't imagine finding any job which requires silence.

Furthermore, my issues are worsening daily , and new ones emerge all the time. In a previous thread of mine I mentioned my family curse and some people did not believe me, however I am still living it unfortunately. Prolonging death in my case means even more intense suffering on all levels. This is why i know 101% that I would be better gone today than tomorrow, because tomorrow only brings more problem to my health and hence more pain and suffering.

I lost everything I had in life due to hyperacusis and tinnitus. The level I have them is unlivable and brutally limiting.

Anyway thanks for the support guys, I really appreciate it. I hope to be gone really soon, but SI is holding me back and I have to fight it hard.

'finding a job that requires silence' what about a job at a library? pretty quiet in some of them

 

[SubZero]

'finding a job that requires silence' what about a job at a library? pretty quiet in some of them

That might work but travelling to there and back would be a challenge for me as the road noise is a killer for my ears. I barely function anyway so I don't think I can get any job and jave any kind of responsibility. I used to have a job in IT I fought for and studied a lot but now it is all gone.

 

[outrider567]

That might work but travelling to there and back would be a challenge for me as the road noise is a killer for my ears. I barely function anyway so I don't think I can get any job and jave any kind of responsibility. I used to have a job in IT I fought for and studied a lot but now it is all gone.

I always wear ear plugs myself while in a car, just a habit of mine for years

 

[SubZero]

I always wear ear plugs myself while in a car, just a habit of mine for years

Sadly, I barely make a car trip to the doctor wearing earplugs and earmuffs on top. Unfortunately I am in the severe spectrum of these disorders.

 

[Dot]

Am srry 2 hr tht u r hvng sch dffclt tme

Implse 2 c.t.b follwd b/ nt b-ing abl 2 g/ thrgh w/ it = commn- s/ try 2 b knd 2 urslf

Hve u nd bn abl 2 fnd wrk-frm-hme jb - thre r evn kybrds avlble tht cn wrk silntly