Help Doing bad in shelter , CTB

[Quarky00]

I'm doing bad , very bad . I'm sorry I did not ctb .

I'm stuck in a tiny room with old person , they barely leave bed I feel suffocated , they have COPD cough like crazy and scream in their sleep !!! Room so tiny I wake up straight to their face -- literally -- 30 inches from me ...

Russian TV loud 24/7 , my head explodes , I don't have wifi , my back and feet are killing me -- horrible bed , etc . Cant even sit here . Only sleep on bed . Its 7x9 ft for two people !!! I dont have an hour of quiet or privacy . I'm going insane . My physical abilities are deteriorating (everything pain) and I can barely do anything.

I want to cry for hours . That hasnt happened in months -- not even when I slept on the streets (only with trigeminal pain in January)

I'm constantly running from this "jail cell" outside to the streets , to get some air . But then too cold etc

I messaged manager some things not good for me , he thinks it's just fixing the bed and "put TV you want"... I don't want tv I want quiet and alone . I'd rather be hospitalized and sedated but that isn't happening as well .

I want to get my SN from my hiding place (far) and just do it there . Im not going to do it , as I'm not impulsive , but thinking about it a lot .

I'm really going insane here . FOR FUCKS SAKE ITS SUCH A FUCKING SMALL ROOM !!!!


I barely have internet . And i can barely type .
I cant write a tthibg on thus syupid nobile phonr !!!! FUCK !!!

 

[Carrotcake]

Sounds absolutely horrible. So sorry this is happening to you Q.

Maybe you can like.. accidentally break the tv.. snap a wire..

 

[Epsilon0]

Hello there @Quarky00

That sounds rough, really, really rough. Here's me sending you a virtual king size bed! Sorry, man... don't know what to say.

Sounds absolutely horrible. So sorry this is happening to you Q.

Maybe you can like.. accidentally break the tv.. snap a wire..

"Why are with your foot inside the TV?" asks the manager.

"Why, I slipped. It was an accident, I swear. I was trying to pump up the volume with my... toes" answers Quarky.

 

[Soul]

Ohh @Quarky00, I'm sorry you're in this situation. Are any other housing possibilities on the horizon? We have to get you moved. (((Hugs)))

 

[Quarky00]

"Why are with your foot inside the TV?" asks the manager.

"Why, I slipped. It was an accident, I swear. I was trying to pump up the volume with my... toes" answers Quarky.

Thanks for making me smile , in this horrible shit hell

 

[Epsilon0]

Thanks for making me smile , in this horrible shit hell

Hang in there, buddy! I am rooting for you.

 

[BPD Barbie]

I'm so sorry love, I wish I could do something more for you. Have you spoke to homeless charities in your area or can get any help from the government? Are family and friends not viable for you? It pains me to hear of your struggles right now, you've always been so kind on this forum. If there is anything I can do, please let me know

 

[nitrogen]

@Quarky00 Awwww Snickerdoodle, I just saw this thread. Every single problem you described just by itself is enough to push me over the edge. I can't imagine you suffering through them all simultaneously.

I don't browse the forum much anymore. But every time I log in, I wish to not see you post another thread like this. Reading about your hardships really pains my heart. It's unfair that such a brilliant mind and a charming person is trapped in a disabled body.

Big huggggs

 

[voyager]

Sorry Quarky. Wish your situation would improve. Agree with the Funeral Stripper, don't like seeing you in these threads either.

Ah yes, TV's, unfortunately they're all flatscreens today, now in the good old days they were quite handy:

@Quarky00
I don't browse the forum much anymore.

You doing okay?

 

[a.n.kirillov]

I'm doing bad , very bad . I'm sorry I did not ctb .

I'm stuck in a tiny room with old person , they barely leave bed I feel suffocated , they have COPD cough like crazy and scream in their sleep !!! Room so tiny I wake up straight to their face -- literally -- 30 inches from me ...

Russian TV loud 24/7 , my head explodes , I don't have wifi , my back and feet are killing me -- horrible bed , etc . Cant even sit here . Only sleep on bed . Its 7x9 ft for two people !!! I dont have an hour of quiet or privacy . I'm going insane . My physical abilities are deteriorating (everything pain) and I can barely do anything.

I want to cry for hours . That hasnt happened in months -- not even when I slept on the streets (only with trigeminal pain in January)

I'm constantly running from this "jail cell" outside to the streets , to get some air . But then too cold etc

I messaged manager some things not good for me , he thinks it's just fixing the bed and "put TV you want"... I don't want tv I want quiet and alone . I'd rather be hospitalized and sedated but that isn't happening as well .

I want to get my SN from my hiding place (far) and just do it there . Im not going to do it , as I'm not impulsive , but thinking about it a lot .

I'm really going insane here . FOR FUCKS SAKE ITS SUCH A FUCKING SMALL ROOM !!!!


I barely have internet . And i can barely type .
I cant write a tthibg on thus syupid nobile phonr !!!! FUCK !!!

damn sorry. just realizing the absolute shit people put up with. No one should have to endure such horrid conditions.

I didn't even know you were homeless; how long have you been in this situation?

 

[Dear Flabby]

Dear Quarks,
Definitely find a way to subtly disable the TV. For one thing, it will occupy your brilliant mind for a time.
I'm sending a PM in hopes that I can try to figure something out for you.
Hugs and hope,
Flabs.

 

[nitrogen]

You doing okay?

Hey, Mr. fancy probe. I'm never ok. The threads on SS are kinda repeating themselves and I got bored. Also, I think I've been spending too much time on SS and I wanna spend more time watching TV. I strained my back yesterday while moping the floor.

I've been like this all week:

now in the good old days they were quite handy

Lol, awesome gif.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Oh Quarky, I'm glad you made a thread. You've got so many people who think so highly of you. I so wish I could do more my friend. You know I'm here for you as much as I can be.

 

[Broken Chimera]

I'm sorry that you're in that position. I can't imagine how hard it is for you. It's gonna get warm soon, so maybe you can make some moves then. Just try to hang on until then.

 

[Mariuski]

I know what it is to stay in a homeless shelter I was only 2 months ago had some insane thoughts about the situation. I swear bed bugs ate me. I didnt want tv but silence. All old sick people many alcoholics like myself. Horrible. Hell on Earth. I wanted to ctb and still want to. Feel so depressed. Alone.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Nooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! Plz no Uncle Quarky! I have been dreading this...

Plz call whoever u need to call cuz we must get u out of there! Plz I can make some calls too if u need me...Plz ..I need u...we need u...(selfish but idc!)..

 

[Ghost2211]

That is miserable. i Hope you can get out of there and go anywhere else. I would miss you very much if you ctb, and nobody else Could make such sexy snacktastic guides <3

 

[voyager]

I strained my back yesterday while moping the floor.

Sorry, to hear it, and hate to break this to you, but the mop goes on the floor, not yourself.

 

[Egddios]

@Quarky00 I'm pulling for you. If there's anything I can possibly help you with, PM me.

 

[Quarky00]

Have you spoke to homeless charities in your area or can get any help from the government? Are family and friends not viable for you?

This is the only homeless charity here. It's a private organization that you have to pay for. They are not trained and just admins for housing and food. I get partial allowance and homelessness grant which are very small. It all goes to that NGO and I don't have money to buy medication. I am about to be denied allowance because I did not come to the periodical medical assessment (too sick and in pain to walk). Otherwise social workers are totally incompetent and cause more harm than help (fill forms wrong, file for wrong programs, etc) -- this was verified by others here.

No family or friends.

In the past friends liked asking how I'm doing but ignored when I answered. I guess it was "too much" for them. I deeply regret helping and supporting them through the years. I was a shoulder to cry on , and I'm sorry for that. Never again. We were good friends for more than 10 years -- people are really shit.

I will ctb as soon as possible . :)

 

[voyager]

No family or friends.

In the past friends liked asking how I'm doing but ignored when I answered. I guess it was "too much" for them. I deeply regret helping and supporting them through the years. I was a shoulder to cry on , and I'm sorry for that. Never again. We were good friends for more than 10 years -- people are really shit.

That's very true unfortunately. Not all of course. But the vast majority of people will never stick by you. I had many friends at one time. Knew pretty much everyone, but when the mhi started only handful would sometimes inquire, and only one came by for three years. Would I have been a better friend? Not sure tbh, but I wasn't in a state anymore to be. But that doesn't make it better that many of us are in fact like that. In fact, five of my "friends", who I hadn't seen in six years, showed up at work one day to gloat at me for doing a low paid job.

Also agree on the the homeless situation and the like, it's driving one into this situation. There should be a welfare clause for people with mhi, to keep them safe. Another thing is pro-lifers pushing one's buttons. Many people kill themselves because they're worried of getting into a worse situation and then having to rely on society or "friends" to do it for them. Sounds like a great idea. Not to mention the threat of being saved, having it on record and so forth.

Sorry, Quarky. Am a little negative myself today. Hope you get through this somehow. Wouldn't wanna see you go under.

 

[Quarky00]

Sorry, Quarky. Am a little negative myself today

Don't be sorry, you took the words out of my mouth, and spoke for me -- as I can't type. I wholly share that experience and those insights. Thank you

 

[Quarky00]

~

I will ctb as soon as possible . :)

Wait , why should I take the hit?

I am considering taking SN in A&E (ER). That's the only way to get treated , also for my GI and pain issues (ignored otherwise) -- plus allowance and proper housing. I have complained in details about medical staff & psychiatrists & SW & proedures -- to no avail. So I will probably raise the stakes, record everythung , andd send to journalist + MP + MH rights + Ombudsman (not in UK). Need to move my stuff from shelter to storage etc, this requires planning and time. I'm not dooing anything yet , thinking it through.

* Sadly our hospitals are on a lovely "efficiency program" -- no nurses in admissions! -- you take a number from computer and wait 4h to be called.

*Hospital s capacity is at abhorrent 135% .... that is third of patuents without beds etc ... really terrible

 

[Letmego. Please]

~


Wait , why should I take the hit?

I am considering taking SN in A&E (ER). That's the only way to get treated , also for my GI and pain issues (ignored otherwise) -- plus allowance and proper housing. I have complained in details about medical staff & psychiatrists & SW & proedures -- to no avail. So I will probably raise the stakes, record everythung , andd send to journalist + MP + MH rights + Ombudsman (not in UK). Need to move my stuff from shelter to storage etc, this requires planning and time. I'm not dooing anything yet , thinking it through.

* Sadly our hospitals are on a lovely "efficiency program" -- no nurses in admissions! -- you take a number from computer and wait 4h to be called.

*Hospital s capacity is at abhorrent 135% .... that is third of patuents without beds etc ... really terrible

((Hugs))

I wish I could say something to help but I don't think we are in the same country. I just wanted to say you shouldn't take the hit/pain for this shitty situation, its not your fault the world is full of wankers, cause as much fuss as you can & make them help you properly.
Thinking of you

 

[Quarky00]

you shouldn't take the hit/pain for this shitty situation, its not your fault the world is full of wankers, cause as much fuss as you can & make them help you properly​

note to self!. thank you so much

 

[Epsilon0]

I wanted to drop you a note saying I was thinking about you @Quarky00

How you are?

 

[Lostandfound7]

We love u @Quarky00 ..

 

[Quarky00]

Bit better but bad .

Did not have internet . Wouldn't mind but .. locked in room + no internet = gone mad . Finally used cell phone (data limit problem) and other tricks . Small thing , gave me some space .

I'm still at the same place mentally and physically . Bad . My old landlord harassed with some messages , nm.. I am going ahead full speed in all directions and this will be hard and slow as I can barely move (physically) . I turn on my "Psycho Mode" , not emotional but will pursue (cold-inquisitorial-manipulative) . I'm too exhausted .

Took things into my own hands and built "shelves" from card board , compressed foam mattresses to create pillow , etc . I must add that there are cockroaches inside the microwave -- and they're still alive even after it's turned on . I do not know whether to laugh or cry .

I am still going insane here.

I actually don't mind being locked in small room , but adding roommate and that Russian TV (I'm not in Russia- immigrants etc) is freaking me out. The flatmate is geriatric and psychiatric -- Seroquel -- looks 20y older than they actually (appears to be dying) are and acts strangely . I'm horrified (non violent and nothing to be scared off - but 30 inches away all the time..). There's no place to go as they have added another person to the house , taking over the living room .

I'd much rather ctb than confront all these people -- SW, hospital / psychiatrist , old Landlord , safe house manager , assessment , doctor / meds , writing letters , etc .... It's just too much to handle even for a normal functioning person ..

Some things I cannot write , but let's put it this way , thank God I'm not in the US and things are not "easily available".

All and all I'm dead inside , and wanna die from the outside

 

[Lostandfound7]

Oh man @Quarky00 ..the cockroaches in the microwave is enough for me..

I would tell u to cut the TV cord or pour water in the vents but I don't want u to get "blamed" since ur the likely suspect..lol

Its so much to bear...I'm here for u n will do anything to help

 

[Quarky00]

Your support (all of you) gives me a lifeline .. knowing that there are other possible [emergency] options , to take a break from this shit , or that people 'have my back' or something .. thanks I trust it more than docs and safe house , because it's honest and genuine . The problem is I cannot handle temporary solutions or surprises anymore . I'm tired of fixing something (really fighting and giving 200%) only for everything to be ruined few days afterwards , by some events that changes everything (that few would withstand- regardless of physical or mental issues).

.the cockroaches in the microwave is enough for me

Yeah .. Surprisingly that's the least disturbing thing here . And I'm not the only tenant saying that . You just want peace and comfortable place -- and this flat lacks both . Couple of insects (very small btw) are not the problem , just the icing on the cake , but it shows how this place is crumbling .