Doesn't it seem odd

[slowlydyinginside]

Planning planning planning. So much planning goes into CTB. Method, place, time, etc. I've thought about it for so many years but this is the first time I've ever felt really ready. So much to think about though. I know I want it to be as peaceful as possible. But I'm going to have a lot of research to do because failure is not an option. I don't care about the money I'll have to spend. I can find places and have the time. Just really need some advice and ideas. Isn't it odd that preparing to CTB has made me feel more alive than I ever have?

 

[Tautochrome]

It's not odd, I feel the same way. It's almost exciting, like a new adventure, something that finally seems worthwhile

 

[Chemi]

I think that's fairly normal. The worst part about depression/suicidality is the hopelessness. Feeling like you are backed into a corner without an escape.
Now that you decided to CTB, you see it as a viable escape and suddenly, your situation doesn't seem that hopeless anymore. You are back in control

 

[slowlydyinginside]

I think that's fairly normal. The worst part about depression/suicidality is the hopelessness. Feeling like you are backed into a corner without an escape.
Now that you decided to CTB, you see it as a viable escape and suddenly, your situation doesn't seem that hopeless anymore. You are back in control

That's exactly it. After so long of spiraling, having control back is an amazing feeling. I still have some anxiety but I've never felt more ready.

 

[simji_is_offline]

Yes it's like a breath of fresh air. Sometimes just thinking about how I'd do it calms me down. It's why I'm online now lol

 

[DarkJason]

Thinking about suicide also gives me strange sense of euphoria. It feels even better knowing that I will almost certainly be dead within the next couple of months. I've had to delay my death for years, and I feel relieved that I finally have the means to do it now.

 

[instormdrains]

I felt really happy sneaking out of my house for my first couple of attempts and making it to my ctb spot and I hear thats pretty natural. After so many attempts where I pussy out especially multiple times in the same week. The happiness turns to disgust

 

[blacksand]

I think if you've ever had a big commitment which feels really wrong and people are pressuring you to go through with. Then you and you alone decide not to and pull out. That brief feeling immediately afterward of absolute weight off shoulders is what deciding to ctb feels like.

 

[slowlydyinginside]

Yes it's like a breath of fresh air. Sometimes just thinking about how I'd do it calms me down. It's why I'm online now lol

It definitely helps. It gets my mind on other things which helps calm my anxiety.

 

[Lost Dreamer]

This is a journey like any other and can be an adventure if you let it, that was the case for me even tho I didnt exactly expect it to be. I studied, researched and spent many hours reflecting on what it will be like when the time comes and I realized I could make the distance if it meant I could end my pain.