Discussion Does your loved ones know about your CTB-thoughts?

[alotofcookiesandmilk]

If so, how did they react when they found out? How would you want them to react?

 

[LittleJem]

yes. Erm. My dad understands that I want to end my suffering. Everyone else just kinda ran away. My mum abandoned me, and the others don't call anymore. I don't blame them.

I wanted them to respect that I have the right to end my suffering. That is still how I feel. I also wanted to brief them in case as and when I CTB.

 

[Gloom]

I think my parents found out last year. I had plans to hang myself in this really beautiful park but as I was walking to it I had second thoughts and emailed a teacher I'm close with, I told her my plans and how I was feeling. she notified my parents and my dad called me stupid, told me he didn't love me and to ctb properly. my mum said she wished she didn't have a daughter like me. They think I'm not thinking of ctb but I am.

I wish I didn't get slapped when I told them or get bullied for it. I wish they loved me and treated me with kindness.

 

[sueoffside]

Yes I've been quite brutally honest ab how I'm feeling and the plans I have. Im met with 'oh pls no don't' etc etc or w some of my friends who are also suicidal we use dark humour to cope. I know dropping the bomb on people is awkward and diffficult and people don't know how to react to it. I've had one friend who has suffered a lot of loss tell me that she understands, she's sorry I feel that way but she gets it. My mum knows but I think as soon as she sees me faking happiness she just forgets again like oh she must be fine now. Constantly met with "oh you're feeling better now right" and no no I am not.

I don't really know how I want them to react probably given permission, met with love and understanding that I need my suffering to end.

 

[FuneralCry]

No. Nobody ever will. There is no point in telling people as they would not accept and understand my decision. They would selfishly expect me to suffer for decades which I refuse to do. After all it, is my life my decision.

 

[ghost_]

yes. When my mom found out she told me that it was just a part of growing up and to deal with it. ( this was after I told her I wanted to ctb and the way I was planning on doing it) I wanted her to help me get the help I needed. My dad knows but anytime its brought up he leaves the room or shuts it down very fast. My sister doesn't know anything. I'm very lucky to have them both in my life and to have a (mostly) good relationship with them, I just wish they took it seriously. They found out in high school I was self harming when a school teacher I told called them and they mostly were upset that I did it, not that I was so depressed that I did it. I guess I just wanted someone to say hey I can help and take me to get the proper help and medication I need. I went on my own to the emergency room in my later years and I have recently this year been going to a therapist. My mom knows im on medication but she believes it is making me worse

 

[Beeper]

I've been open and honest about the depression and thoughts of suicide.

Most of the family is aware of my struggles. They all want me to get better, but don't know how to help. Many of them think that medication is the answer.

In some ways I feel that talking about it now will make it easier for them to accept if I ultimately exit via CTB. It wouldn't be a surprise to anyone, but I know it would be devastating for them.

I wish that death was something to be accepted and celebrated, rather than something that Is to be feared. CTB takes so much courage, of which the majority of people do not have.