Does This Site Contain More Attention Seekers Than People Who Genuinely Can No Longer Take Their Pain?

[Dimension369963]

I know that sounds rude, I'm not judging anyone else or saying that their not in a ton of pain right now but this is the first time I found a site like this and I have had many severe attempts and should not be here statistically speaking, I beat powerball odds x 3.

I am on here every day, anyone who is serious would be too, trying to talk to the people they are considering the the +1. Instead people you talk with privately disappear for days. I'm not knew enough to see if this is the norm but I want to talk to the person every day, I want to be here every day looking for the best possible match, to know the person I am sharing the most personal details of my existence in this form with in the last moments of my life, my spirituality will condemn me to a lower life form if I leave this world in fear, sadness, or anger. I know this now for a fact. I have to leave at peace and since falling is all I can do now because it's the only thing I know won't fail from 4,000 ft high above solid granite stone, I know if I find the right match we can hug during the decent. It will be 28-34 seconds long, during this time I must meditate pure love to the person I'm holding, ending one's life is not forbidden in Buddhism but the negative energy it brings with it is enormous and sets you back many lifetimes. Dying knowing that I love the person, in meditation of that love for this person substantially takes away much of that negative energy.

I have spent much of my life building good karma helping others, not because I had to but because I wanted to, it was who I was, I came to accept Buddhism as the most fair spiritual tradition in mankind over 13 years ago.

So those of you who know this site and the people who come and go, do most people back out even after you have taken the time to work hard to find the person who matches you so you can bring eachother joy and peace toward the end? And are most people in the section designed for this really their to go through with it or are there enough truly sick people on here that get off on using suicide for attention and using truly suicidal members who are in far more pain than any normal person could thankfully ever comprehend, as partners whom they then back out of after they do what most of us would do?

Give ourselves and our chosen partner and partner who also chose us a few days together before the great unknown, perhaps fulfill 1 or 2 things on our bucket lists and bring joy to ourselves and each other even if they cost what we've saved precisely for this?

I'm terrified of running into a match that turns out to have no intention to go through this and uses the final days as a vacation taking advantage of the person who has 100% genuine intentions and feelings and has spend so much energy to cross that line once again and mentally prepare, only to get that match. I'd lose my mind, completely break down, probably be unable to move from the spot I found out I was betrayed and end up dehydrating betrayed again and I would still end up doing it except I'd go out in pain and agony, I'd be a bug 10 lifetimes before I was human again and got the chance to advance to the higher dimensions 4,5,6, all the way to 12 where we reach eternal peace.

So I don't understand why people don't respond as often as possible to people they are considering as their partner, are they not afraid of who they might meet? Do they not want to know because they have no intention of doing anything but getting a rush off your pain?

How many people believe what % of the people in the mega thread are genuinely trying to find a partner to enter the great unknown and what % are evil manipulative disturbed people getting enjoyment out of watching the suffering of others and increasing that suffering knowing they have control over a match and if they don't have any intention of going through with it, they are causing some of the most immense pain to their matches who are 100% going through with it and needed their partner, trusted them, that both would be their for each other. It would be an ultimate betrayal of which 3 were enough to make me lose total faith in mankind.

Thank you to whoever reads through this and answers honestly.

 

[SpottedPanda]

I'm not in unbearable pain, but I'm not an attention seeker either, nor am I seeking a partner.

I'm here because I plan to end my life, and there just happens to be a strong social aspect to this site which keeps me logging in to discuss various topics.

As well as there being no way of knowing people's intentions for being here, unless they tell you the honest truth, I imagine people are here for a variety of reasons. It might not be as cut and dry as one or the other.

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

I'm generally on here to end my life but there are day when even this forum feels to much or interacting feels to much that I just hide, Hide for the rest of the world so I don't cone on for a couple of days.

I don't think many attention seekers would use this website, i've been told that the people who look at this wesbite are all mentally ill just for looking at it, to some extent I do agree.. if people are thinking about ending their lives then clearly something is not right for them.

People may backout not because they are attention seekers, but because they may have deicded that this isn't right for them right now or that their survival instinct is kicking in.

There are days where I feel more suicidal than others, I'm always suicidal but in a less intense way some days whilst other days it's so intense.

 

[PrettyMoose]

I'm not looking for a partner so I can't comment on the whole thing with that, but there are many of us who disappear for days for different reasons, some might try to recover and some might feel left out or slighted, or some might just have obligations in their lives that they have to turn attention to. There are many here who aren't in the greatest mental and physical health, so it's to be expected that not everyone will be super quick to respond at all times. To demand that is asking too much from a lot of us. We're here when we're here.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

This isn't the first time I've seen a post where someone is seeking a very specific and idyllic partner suicide that is also quite intimate.

Intimacy is something that builds over a long time, naturally. Both parties bring themselves, and negotiate wants and needs to build something together, not something that is dictated and utopian, which in my experience, always falls apart once exposed to the reality of two different people in a real world.

In the last month or so, there was a thread about what people seek from the partners thread. Many freely admitted they just wanted someone to deliver a method for them because they could not do it for themselves. On other threads, women have outed men who pretended to want a suicide partner but only sought a sex partner. People have repeatedly posted on the forum about building trust and then being ghosted.

I think it is far more likely that you are going to be devastated than to find what you seek. Experience has already shown you that people may say they want what you do, but they are not investing in the intimacy you seek. If you keep putting yourself out there and are willing to invest deep trust and emotional intimacy with total strangers behind computer screens, you are setting yourself up for the exact devastation you fear -- you are serving yourself up as bait for victimization, even if the person isn't actively seeking to victimize you, because they're likely not going to be willing or able to connect as you wish, because you, too, are a person behind a screen. Meeting irl is utterly different.

I think perhaps a better question is what percentage of people will be likely to match your wants and needs, and I think it would be 0%. It's your fantasy, and the odds of someone having or wanting the exact same fantasy, and being someone with whom you could build the exact type of emotional intimacy you seek, is 0. It's a romantic vision that will utterly change once a real human being steps into the role of the other person in the scenario. No one will be who or what you want, that person is not a real human but a version of you, so you will automatically feel victimized even if they don't intend to victimize you, because they cannot be who you want. That person does not exist except in fantasy. Even if they seem to fit the ideal, in time they will prove they are themselves, not the fantasy.

If you want a perfect suicide as you've envisioned, you can adjust that vision so that you're alone and, say, sending out meta or something else to the world on your way down.

 

[WitheringAway]

I just think that you're expecting too much. What's you're seeking is unrealistic and highly unlikely to happen

 

[Living sucks]

IMO You have a higher chance of finding a spouse irl to live life with than a partner on this site to ctb with that has the same desires and goals as you, that believes the same as you and wants same method, and lives near you or travel to you.
You must go alone loving yourself maybe?

but tbrh I see you as the same as them...you have a very definitive plan/idea of how you want to ctb, others have theirs, if those plans dont sync, the partner is no longer interested so why waste time?

And if you pay attn to the threads you'll see this is a common complaint of not serious partners and backing out.
I talked to about 10 ppl from partners thread. I'd say 5 were serious and are going to ctb but they had their ideas, I had mine, I can't travel, they can't travel, etc. some were trying to go on in life, good for them. 1 of them, ironically, who literally posted everyday for a partner ... I still talk to and they try talking me out of ctb every time I mention it and were never serious and I don't think will ever be able to ctb no matter how lonely they are.
I call them a hypocrite often to shut them up. They try giving me all the reasons I should live etc.. we argue a lot cause of it as they can't see what I have to go thru everyday so they think I can endure it.. even saying as long as I'm breathing I should fight to live. I want to live but I'm dying and it's very painful physically and emotionally.

Anyway, that thread is a mess and I think you should try to figure out how to make ctb possible alone.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Just wanted to add, and it relates to what @Living sucks said -- it's their death, too.

You have an idea of something very specific for yourself and someone else, and it seems to me like you want someone to audition for a role in your suicide, rather than be an autonomous person who has also made the very real and very personal decision to end their own life, too.

 

[WitheringAway]

it seems to me like you want someone to audition for a role in your suicide

I enjoy your comments.. you always seem to articulate what I'm thinking exactly lol

 

[Dimension369963]

I think I'm being severely misunderstood. I have not so much as dated anyone in 5 years, Prior to that I had never been single more than 3 months from 15-32. I don't look or want any kind of intimacy or marriage and I'm not pushing anyone, exactly the opposite, those who've messaged me I've repeatedly asked questions about why they don't want to be here, how long they have felt that way, is it physical/emotional/mental pain or any combination in order to ensure I'm talking to someone who truly wants to go through with this.

I have had 12 major attempts, I can show pictures of the scars and wounds or in video. I'm not looking for a fantasy, that's absolutely sick. I've become an agnostic Buddhist with my own spiritual beliefs combined into that since my last major attempt which is only finally coming to an end in 1 month, that's 4 years of feeling like your dying every second of every day physically, already suffering from severe depression, using every last drop of mental energy to hold yourself together like a broken piece of china rewound by your mind but being held in the form of a plate by your effort leaving no energy for anything else. Life is joyless.

When I became spiritual there was always 1 thought scaring me, what if I had more negative than positive karma and had to come back suffering even more as a human or worse a lower life form such as an animal, tree or bug.

I realized dying in fear, pain or agony is going to cause so much negative karma negating all the good karma from just being good to people, even total strangers who needed help throughout life.

I have to jump because I've tried every other method available and failed despite pain almost unimaginable. I'm so exhausted mentally, emotionally and in constant physical pain and just want to move on to a higher dimensional plane which won't happen the way I've been doing things. I believe the universe guided me to do things differently and I suffered so much because it wouldn't let me die. My attempts were all life threatening, more than one clinical death.

I've woken up with 60 staples down your stomach all your digestive tract having been removed by doctors looking for cuts in the wall of the small and large intestine(they never put it back in your body the way their supposed to, to this day the pain is horrible inside my body), a breathing tube in your throat so your cant breath and a priest standing over you, unable to speak you think you're getting last rights but not one family member is there, you keep trying to talk but cant even lift your head and speaking is impossible?

The last 4 years have been non-stop pain and hell so yes based on things that happened to me my list is rather odd and longer. Does that mean my pain is less real? Because my beliefs don't match a Catholic, or a Muslim, and I want to go toward the direction of Nirvana and not backwards where I have to go through this life again?

I vett everyone I talk to and encourage them to do the same if it's on this issue. It's odd that I had a drunk father who beat me and left at 13, and a step father I never connected with plus a male best friend who betray me after a 30 year friendship and was raised by my mother that I don't feel comfortable being in the most vulnerable state of my life with someone that makes me uncomfortable since I've never had a male father figure or role model, only men who hurt me. So does that mean I lose the right to feel comfortable and have to go with someone who could be dangerous? My left hand is 20% paralyzed from my last attempt, I'm thin and weak from only surviving on mostly liquids over the past 4 years, any man could kidnap me and I'm too weak to stop them. So that makes me someone looking for romance?

The drop is 28-32 seconds. I've already told the people I talked to even if their 99.9999% sure I can't be responsible for that remainder and so I advise they not do it. I know that a hug releases stress reducing hormones after 8 seconds, a drop is the only 100% method and I just would not go with someone who wouldn't hug during the fall. It's long, I plan to close my eyes, try to meditate on the most powerful human emotion, love and enter into my new life having attained a higher dimension free of pain until I burn off my goof karma and am forced back to being human again.

Nothing is out of the ordinary when my life is known, there's so much more horrible stuff I just can't post it here that I've endured, millions of Buddhists believe the exact same thing and would also never end their lives feeling negative emotions or by hurting other people unless we want to come back as bugs a few hundred times.

I just don't want to be tricked and that's why I asked what I did. Every day now for 4 years I've had to hold the conviction that when I was physically strong enough I would end the suffering. Now 1 month away from being there, time feels like it's stuck in a glue trap. It moves so slow. I want three things for both me and a match. To be comfortable with each other, for neither person to get someone that will try to hurt us and to be 100% sure about moving on without relying on me to convince them ever. Much shorter list when I just state the obvious rather than go into detail but I still don't understand why so many people can't understand after what I've gone through why I'd want to go the way I do and why I have fears.

 

[SoftAndSad]

Im not an attention seeker, more like a wounded animal mustering up energy for its last death cries.

I have an extremely horrible social status and social situation where I haven't had a close friend since high school. It's all due to my own mental health and avoidant personality disorder too which made me distance myself to all my childhood friends. A couple years ago I was all like Blame the society!!! but now I have realized that I am just wired wrong compared to most people that I encounter in real life.

My behavior and life situation has made me become a very solitary person, and this is like a refuge for me where I can actually type things in an actual forum, compared to other social media where it is very hard to get an individual voice into the ether.

I've realized that I will end my life quite quickly once my last links to reality lose their hold, and this I feel is my preparation for it. Once I became potentially suicidal I felt like I needed to prepare my mind. You read a lot about cases where people lost their job and they mind just went 180 degrees into jumping off a bridge. I am not like that, I need rational and well thought out decisions and strategies so I join this site to research this.

I can guarantee that I would never try something as low percentage probability that I would become a vegetable. That is my worst horror. If I decide to leave, I will leave that very instant.

 

[Living sucks]

There's not one response here that eludes to you looking for romance. Intimacy is a term used to describe being comfortable enough to do as you're describing.
And no one said they don't understand why, what or how you want to die. Or doubting your seriousness. We're saying that finding it is nearly (probably more like absolutely) impossible to achieve.

That even with someone advertising everyday for a partner, When faced with the real deal, they back out.

There is someone like you who wants to jump and I pmd you their name. She says she only wants serious replies. But you're on opposite ends of the country ... but jumping is jumping .. and both of you can afford the trip to either location .. so have you contacted her?

Edit.. to be clear.. i said your chances of finding a partner to live with irl are greater than your chances of finding the ctb partner you seek... this was a comparison of statistics, I was not insinuating you want a wife.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

I've been here for 2 years. I'm not attention seeking, I'm just sad.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I want three things for both me and a match. To be comfortable with each other, for neither person to get someone that will try to hurt us and to be 100% sure about moving on without relying on me to convince them ever. Much shorter list when I just state the obvious rather than go into detail but I still don't understand why so many people can't understand after what I've gone through why I'd want to go the way I do and why I have fears.

Okay, so you have fear, uncertainty and pain.

Do you know the purpose of blame? To discharge fear, uncertainty and pain.

People are not meeting your wants and needs, and they are neither (ostensibly) giving credence to nor (definitely) owning your fear, uncertainty, and pain. Therefore, it may seem logical to you to discharge it by creating, labeling, and blaming disingenuous, attention-seeking people.

If you want to get Buddhist about this, I think in your second comment you're clinging to a wrong view, which pushes you to actions that generate negative karma, such as blame and wanting others to own things that have nothing to do with them, including your desire for the plan that you're clinging to, and your fear, discomfort and pain, which they did not cause, cannot cure, and cannot control. They are rejecting co-dependence by rejecting ownership and attempts to control that which they didn't cause, can't cure, and can't control.

This following is from the notes I took from the book In The Buddha's Words and other sources while studying Buddhism:



Karma is volitional action; having willed, one acts by body, speech, and mind. Results or fruits correspond to the actions.

While practicing the way to liberation, wholesome actions yield merit, or beneficial results within the cycle of rebirths, blessed with material security, happiness, and opportunities for further spiritual progress.

The motives of unwholesome actions are greed, hatred, and delusion. Secondary motivations (or defilments) are, for example, anger, hostility, envy, selfishness, arrogance, pride, presumption, and laziness. Unwholesome actions/misconduct and their karma (seeds) are spiritually detrimental to the agent, morally reprehensible, and potentially productive of painful results and/or unfortunate rebirth.

The motives of wholesome actions are nongreed, nonhatred, and nondelusion, or generosity, loving-kindness, and wisdom.

Combined karma refers to the conduct of a person who intermittently engages in both wholesome and unwholesome behavior.

Craving is the moisture for how the seeds of conscious action will grow and the karmic fruits they will bear in the fields of birth and rebirth.

Beings have their actions as their refuge/shelter. Actions distinguish beings as inferior and superior.

Unwholesome conduct/misconduct includes:

Killing
Stealing
Sexual misconduct
Lying
Malicious speech
Harsh speech
Idle chatter/gossip
Covetousness
Ill will
Wrong view (including revenge)
Putting one's responsibilities and desires on others

(That last one on the list came from me and I wrote it in my notes while I was simultaneously studying the books In the Buddha's Words and Boundaires. Everything on this list and in the rest of my notes here is about respecting other's boundaries and taking responsibility for one's own thoughts, desires, and actions, which belong within their own shelter, not others'.)

 

[Living sucks]

@Dimension369963 how about this. I am dying, like it or not, (I hate it) I am so bitter and angry that the life I adored was ripped from me in a split second and in 3 years time went from being an athlete (and a wonderful productive human being) to a bedridden invalid.
If you'd like to travel to me, I will ctb with you but I can't jump. I have SN and it's going to be painful for me. But it won't fail.
I can't live it up doing bucket list items for a couple days prior bcuz of my illness.

i could use a hug but honestly not sure a strangers love will be what I need to reduce my fear. But otherwise I'm dying alone. Which is what I'd settled with as being partners just felt odd once I started looking. But I could use your positive energy and beliefs to help get passed SI.

Thoughts?

 

[TheRaul95]

I came here for "help" and got it :)

 

[Dimension369963]

There are too many replies right now for me to reply to all while I'm this sick I apologize. I'm going through severe pain for several days. I'm only going to say what I can before I'm too weak.

GoodPersonEffed said "
People are not meeting your wants and needs, and they are neither (ostensibly) giving credence to nor (definitely) owning your fear, uncertainty, and pain. Therefore, it may seem logical to you to discharge it by creating, labeling, and blaming disingenuous, attention-seeking people.

If you want to get Buddhist about this, I think in your second comment you're clinging to a wrong view, which pushes you to actions that generate negative karma, such as blame and wanting others to own things that have nothing to do with them, including your desire for the plan that you're clinging to, and your fear, discomfort and pain, which they did not cause, cannot cure, and cannot control."




You've not seen one of my private conversations and for some reason it just seems like you either skipped over my 2nd post mostly or completely misunderstood it. I'm not putting my pain and fear on anyone, I'm not blaming anyone here, I'm not asking anyone to cure or control my pain and suffering. I just can't explain all this in a forum there's too much and I'm too weak. All I want to do is meet someone who feels the way I do mostly not exactly to move on with.

When you make friends with someone do you make friends with someone who you have nothing in common with or who reminds you of bullies and pain? No right? Then why would any one of us do that for the most important moment of our lives?

I don't blame anyone here, I empathize with their suffering, when I come across someone's post that's really painful even if I'm sick as a dog and lifting my finger feels like lifting a hill, I still do it to contact them and I've been here for maybe a week or two. Their the only people who have any kind of understanding of my pain and myself and all of us and everyone else who is suffering and we are the only people who have some understanding of their suffering so like I'm sure many people here do, I put myself in pain to write them to try to help them.

I'm so tired of people interpreting my words to mean what they want them to mean in order to make me look like a bad person.

GoodPersonEffed said "including your desire for the plan that you're clinging to, and your fear, discomfort and pain, which they did not cause, cannot cure, and cannot control."

As clear as I can spell it out,

Plan= specific type of end because of so many failures
Fear= Failing and being paralyzed
Discomfort = Pain from previous failures
Pain= Emotional/Diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Severe Anxiety, Panic Attacks at 12 years old. Have had to try over 20+ anti depressants/off label depression meds. All failed, all either didn't work or cause massive side effects. I was labeled Treatment Resistant.

"pain, which they did not cause" = I blame nobody on this site for anything that has happened to me nor have I ever said that yet you just did as you said nobody implied looking for an intimate partner

"cannot cure" = Never once have I asked someone to help me or cure me. I'm here for one purpose I make that purpose crystal clear to everyone and make sure they are the ones who bring it up. I try not to lead in personal conversations, as I said above I won't ever try to convince someone to do anything. They lead in the actions and I follow which is why I won't go with anyone who wants me to convince them.

I a curious though,how you reach this thought and what are you implying by saying I'm looking for someone to cure me. How might someone on here attempt to cure themselves with other members? Do two people suffering from bi-polar type 2 have the ability to cure each other? Do two people who suffer from schizophrenia have the ability to cure each other? Its such an odd thing to just accuse someone of and very insulting along with just about everything else in that paragraph like I can comprehend that I'm here to end my life and I came here to what exactly?

I know everyone is trying to help everyone except the people who are here on purpose to hurt other people but you just accused me of clinging to what is a basically a fantasy, as you add many more unsubstantiated and severely misinterpreted remarks saying that I', clinging to a plan, yes we all are, it's how we leave this place, we cling to the plan we think will have 100% success then we try to find someone else that wants the same thing.

Then you say "the plan that you're clinging to, and your fear, discomfort and pain, which they did not cause, cannot cure, and cannot control."

None of that is true, not a grain in a trillion world of desserts. I've said none of that, I've expected none of that, and I've asked nobody for any of that.

I'm too sick to continue, I'm sorry if I didn't rely to someone who replied to me, I came here to find a partner to leave this horrible life with that I could be sure wanted a similar end as me, that's their free will and I thought the purpose was to end our suffering not heighten our fears by just going with anyone and then told a bunch of untrue and horrible remarks because you ask the question to the people who have been here for months or that run the site how safe it is and how often they think someone finds a partner so I don't waste my time if there aren't enough people who are sure like me.

Just about everyone on this site I've spoken with has been really kind, why is there always someone who pegs you as a 1 dimension nothing with what I consider horrible motives, instead of a human being with feelings nobody else could never feel yet think they can describe with pinpoint accuracy.

I would care more for the person I am matching with than for myself and that entire post made toward me makes me sound so bad and here for all wrong or hurtful reasons when that post did nothing but twist my words and make things up I never said.

To everyone who replied thank you, I'm sorry if this thread caused you problems, I'm not here to cause issues, just to see if this is the place to quickly find someone within a month that I can trust enough to move on and I'll be gone from here.

I'll answer all questions when I can go through the thread, I'm too sick right now coming off another medication to help with physical pain on top of everything else. I'm told 3-4 days of non-stop ever intensifying pain so barely able to write this from bed, I'm not ignoring anyone, just very sick.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

You make too many assumptions about people's mentality here. People's minds change. Many people here are not very mentally stable so the way they feel at one point my not totally reflect how they'll feel at another point. Not everyone wants to be here all the time. Some people do want to think about recovery as well as suicide, and constantly surrounding yourself with suicide talk isn't always helpful for this.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I a curious though,how you reach this thought and what are you implying by saying I'm looking for someone to cure me. How might someone on here attempt to cure themselves with other members?

It's from a mantra, the three C's of co-dependency -- I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control it. I see how, without context, it seemed that I was including curing when it clearly is not something you are seeking.

The mantra is about not taking on others' issues as one's own and becoming enmeshed. It's about delineating boundaries of the self and of ownership.

As for the rest of your response...

I do not not define you. You do. I support you (or anyone) in rejecting my assessments and assertions. I read your words -- the thread title, the OP, and the second post -- and I applied my own lenses of critical thinking, experience, and various fields of study. What you do with that is up to you. Some people read my constructive criticisms and say, "I never thought of it like that before," or "You nailed it," or, "You got that part right but I can see where I didn't clarify something and you came to a wrong conclusion." Others may read the same things I write and outright reject it, as you did. I'm not in control of how people receive or interpret my words, or how they respond. And yes, sometimes I'm in error. What I sense here is disagreement because we're not seeing things from the same or even similar perspectives, so there is no alignment. It's like we're using two different languages that have the same words but different meanings for those words, and it causes cognitive dissonance and frustration. Rather than continue to argue, it's best I step out of that.

At the risk of being accused again of grossly misinterpreting your words, you seem to feel poked at by my posts. Okay then, I'll stop responding on this thread because, just as you think I am not hearing your intentions, heart, or self, nor do you seem to be hearing mine. While you feel I am negatively redefining you, negating you, and then knocking you down as a strawman, I actually was pouring my intellect and my heart into genuine responses to what I saw as you applying lenses to your situation that were keeping you from moving forward and making realistic, mutually beneficial connections, and I recognized the frustration in that. I'm not going to say any more because I recognize you likely won't hear me. So I'll leave this thread with sincere wishes for your well-being and respect for your autonomy. Wherever I was in error, I hope you are able to put it aside and move forward. I have no desire to dump anything on you, control you, or unduly influence you. My desire was to help, and it was not received as such, so it's best for us both if I don't cling to my views or intentions, and just move on.

 

[Shakespear's Brother]

Intimacy of all sorts is so inherently risky.

As I read through this thread, I'm reminded of the countless narratives of couples who have been married 20, 30, or more years, when one day, literally out of the blue, one half of the couple announces, "I am leaving. I would like a divorce. I no longer wish to be married," shocking the hell out of their partner. Or, worse, they just up and leave, without any kind of communication.

 

[Shamana]

Well most of the people with mind, heart and body 100% set on suicide are probably mostly dead. What you see is what remains. I'd prefer it not to turn into a suicide cult.

 

[faust]

Two monks are on a walk near the stream and they see a naked woman drowning. One monk removes his clothes, jumps into the stream and saves the woman. An hour later another monk asks the first: why did you do that, we cannot touch women. First answers: you see, I took her body out an hour ago and forgot and you are still bearing it. To the subject: if we die peacefully, let it be, but the predator will still bear our life. It is better to be dead rather than walking dead. Understanding will come one day and maybe will last forever.

 

[Dimension369963]

It's from a mantra, the three C's of co-dependency -- I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control it. I see how, without context, it seemed that I was including curing when it clearly is not something you are seeking.

The mantra is about not taking on others' issues as one's own and becoming enmeshed. It's about delineating boundaries of the self and of ownership.

As for the rest of your response...

I do not not define you. You do. I support you (or anyone) in rejecting my assessments and assertions. I read your words -- the thread title, the OP, and the second post -- and I applied my own lenses of critical thinking, experience, and various fields of study. What you do with that is up to you. Some people read my constructive criticisms and say, "I never thought of it like that before," or "You nailed it," or, "You got that part right but I can see where I didn't clarify something and you came to a wrong conclusion." Others may read the same things I write and outright reject it, as you did. I'm not in control of how people receive or interpret my words, or how they respond. And yes, sometimes I'm in error. What I sense here is disagreement because we're not seeing things from the same or even similar perspectives, so there is no alignment. It's like we're using two different languages that have the same words but different meanings for those words, and it causes cognitive dissonance and frustration. Rather than continue to argue, it's best I step out of that.

At the risk of being accused again of grossly misinterpreting your words, you seem to feel poked at by my posts. Okay then, I'll stop responding on this thread because, just as you think I am not hearing your intentions, heart, or self, nor do you seem to be hearing mine. While you feel I am negatively redefining you, negating you, and then knocking you down as a strawman, I actually was pouring my intellect and my heart into genuine responses to what I saw as you applying lenses to your situation that were keeping you from moving forward and making realistic, mutually beneficial connections, and I recognized the frustration in that. I'm not going to say any more because I recognize you likely won't hear me. So I'll leave this thread with sincere wishes for your well-being and respect for your autonomy. Wherever I was in error, I hope you are able to put it aside and move forward. I have no desire to dump anything on you, control you, or unduly influence you. My desire was to help, and it was not received as such, so it's best for us both if I don't cling to my views or intentions, and just move on.

I'm sorry if we can't see eye to eye or misinterpret each other. I meant no pain toward you. It was very humble to say what you said, implying wisdom, more than I thought I had. Maybe I just can't understand your wisdom. Maybe I'm doomed to suffer even when a stranger is trying to point me away from it. Anyways I hope you feel better in life, have more good than bad days. My intentions were not to go after you, I felt like I was having my repuation ripped apart which would make it harder to find a partner when I knew what I read was a misinterpretation. We've alll gone though so much, but for me I've gone way beyond what I as a being can take. I need this to work. I just wanted someone I could feel safe with and know it was 100%. PTSD has grown enourmously because of fear of physical pain and knowing a pain even worse still exists out there.

 

[Close_to_freedom]

Probably

 

[Claudia]

I don't think members are split into a) attention seekers and b) people about to ctb any second. Maybe I'll ctb tomorrow if the times feels right, maybe next year or the year after, though the thought of that feels unbearably far away. But primarily I'm here because zero people in my life understand my mental health issues and 100% of people I know are pro-life and would never EVER understand my ideation. I love being able to talk freely somewhere like this. I'm not sure I even know how being on here for attention would work?

 

[4eyebiped]

I wouldn't doubt there are some attention seekers here. I wouldn't go as far to presume the majority, nor assume any specific percentage. Ultimately, whether there is just 1 attention seeker, or if the majority of the site is full of them, we still have to approach each post as serious one or risk not providing needed support to those that are in need. With that said, and the fact that there is no way to know for sure, in a sense, it is somewhat irrelevant as to how many attention seekers there are.

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

I'm not in unbearable pain, but I'm not an attention seeker either, nor am I seeking a partner.

I'm here because I plan to end my life, and there just happens to be a strong social aspect to this site which keeps me logging in to discuss various topics.

As well as there being no way of knowing people's intentions for being here, unless they tell you the honest truth, I imagine people are here for a variety of reasons. It might not be as cut and dry as one or the other.

I agree, and I'm here for similar reasons

 

[Dimension369963]

Sorry I disappeared. Just another week in hell. My medications made me throw up over 130 times in 3 days sweating non stop. I was on the verge of a heart attack at 37 with a good heart according to the doctor. They said I could of died that night had I stayed home. My luck once again.I cut my wrist to the bone, my ulnar nerve, my tendons, left hand paralyzed 2 years, worst nerve pain imaginable I wanted my left arm amputated.

I had all my guts taken out from a failed suicide attempt at 25, they didn't put them back in right because to this day I feel horrible pains.. I had to get 60 staples for that one down my chest.

Had two times where I should of been dead in the forest with search and rescue helicopter and Humvee with heat seeking radar and police dogs that they broke my car window to get my scent. Both time for 5-6 hours I was in 40 degree weather in the middle of a forest with predators like bears, face down in the mud somehow not drown or so I was told.

Then with my wonderful luck in life, I die both times, not in the 5-6 hours I was in the woods with the poisons I took, no, my luck was that the 10 minute rescue ride was when my body decided to give up and they revived me! 2 different times!!

I tried to overdose, on benzos, alcohol just woke up the next day, nobody even knew it happened.

I filled a bathtub with water TWICE, sat in it, an dropped a hair drying plugged in on. Nothing. So I grab an iron plug it in, again nothing.

Another time I filled the whole tub with ice and tried to die of hypothermia.

I can't die!!! No matter how hard I try. I could list these attempts for the next 20 minutes. Something won't let me die. It's like I'm being toyed with and tortured for nothing. All I ever do in my life is try to help people. I run a free hurricane tracking site, I saved a woman and her 3 children from Hurricane Florence when it hit North Carolina. She had just moved from Michigan, never paid attention to hurricanes. She was going to wait it out in her home with 3 small children 1 mile from the ocean when a Cat 4 hurricane was coming straight for her.

She called me, I told her to leave immediately, this was before the News called for evacuations because I have been into meteorology since I was 4. She got out before the traffic jam. Her house was under 20 feet of water as I knew Florence was going to stall, the storm surge was 10 feet and her area got 10 feet of rain.

I run a Covi-19 site, also free, no ads so people get all the info. I warned every follower how bad it would get in January while people just mocked me. I did everything I could to warn people this was genetically engineered in a level 4 bioweapons lab. I knew it was. I've taken plenty of biology/ cell bio / human anatomy etc college classes and studied microbiology.

I saw a man crying his eyes out on the street 2 years ago. I pull over, ask him what's wrong, he says his fiancee left him and he wants to die suicide by cop. Keep in mind, my neighbor was suicidal, he was only 25, all he had was a knife in his hand, the police were called by his parents for help, they shot him to death. I saw all 3 gunshots. So I knew the police would kill this man if I couldn't convince him to get in my car and let me drive him to a inpatient facility. The cops drove by like 3-4 times and it took me 3 hours to get him to go with me.

I constantly talk with suicidal people talking them out of it, trying to give them hope. All I do is try to help people because my whole life has been hell. From the moment I was born, an abusive drunk father who shook me as a baby. beat me as a child, and walked out on me when I was 12, from there it was depression, then suicide attempt after attempt, so severe the doctors couldn't believe I survived all of them.

When is the Universe going to give me mercy. I can't even cry for myself anymore. If anyone thinks I'm making this up, the image below is my left hand. The left side is 3 weeks after surgery the right side is today. I have as many scars on my body as a damn medieval soldier in combat.

 

[BridgeJumper]

Im both an attention seeker and in unbearable pain



(please kill me)

Also sorry youre feeling unwell. Im pretty unwell physically too.
Technically I shouldnt be here too but I survived the fall and now my leg is partially numb and Im in pain everyday, yiiikkes)
(I wont even show my leg. Or my arms after the wrist cutting)

 

[Worndown]

I believe most on here are serious about researching the subject. From my observations, the majority choose to live or do not choose to die by their hand. This is a fairly neutral forum and is a rare place to ask questions or give answers yo normally taboo subjects. A few have ulterior motives but they do not stay long.