Help does this seem.......idk.....heartless? to you?

[Life_and_Death]

so i told my friend that i feel like i bother him whenever i message and this was his response "That's me when I talk to anyone lol" he knows my situation, ive done nothing but talk to him about it. he knows im suicidal and THATS his answer....and its not even the first time he did that. the other morning i woke up sick (because sometimes i randomly wake up sick in the morning, headache, chills/sweats, nausea but it will only last a few hours, kicks the shit out of me while im feeling it though) anyway he responds with "Same for me, but specially when I go to work lol", does he still care? it seems like hes just blowing me off......i dont blame him for it if he is, i just want to know, he says its fine but with those kinds of responses its really difficult to believe that

 

[Ghost2211]

It definitely sounds like he didn't really hear what you're saying to him, and turned it around to be about himself. You could try telling him that you felt unheard.

 

[Ardesevent]

That does seem kind of heartless. I think you guys just need to talk about it though, it doesn't seem intentional.

 

[Life_and_Death]

It definitely sounds like he didn't really hear what you're saying to him, and turned it around to be about himself. You could try telling him that you felt unheard.

im tired of telling people that. im tired of telling people anything. "you have to act this way. you have to say this specific thing. if you dont do things this very specific way that youre just suppose to know im going to kill myself" is all i feel like im saying every time i do it. everything upsets me... :(

sorry for kind of ranting at you rosey thats just how i feel, im tired of "correcting" people....

That does seem kind of heartless. I think you guys just need to talk about it though, it doesn't seem intentional.

see thats kind of the thing about it, hes never like this, i actually wonder if its my own fault and hes tired of my BS

 

[AQUA]

He probably doesn't know how to respond but doesn't want to leave you on read.

 

[Life_and_Death]

He probably doesn't know how to respond but doesn't want to leave you on read.

he typically just sends hugs when im feeling bad but he doesnt know what to say...

 

[Ghost2211]

it sounds like he's just overwhelmed by it, and doesn't really know how to handle it anymore. It's not his fault. A lot of our friends and family members end up going that direction.

 

[AQUA]

he typically just sends hugs when im feeling bad but he doesnt know what to say...

What would you say if the shoe was on the other foot?

 

[not4us]

For me it seems like the guy just tried to make jokes to cheer you up

 

[Life_and_Death]

it sounds like he's just overwhelmed by it, and doesn't really know how to handle it anymore. It's not his fault. A lot of our friends and family members end up going that direction.

im always scared of that being a possiblity so i always ask him if hes ok, and if hes sure i can keep talking and he says its fine and to not worry about. just the other day he even said .....ok i said ".how is talking about my mental instability and unhealthy fixation with death and killing myself not a burdening conversation?" and then he said "idk, it's just something your dealing with and talking about just feels like me helping you" i do check with him to make sure hes ok...i really do, i understand that i can be a lot....

For me it seems like the guy just tried to make jokes to cheer you up

thats another thing....are my disorders acting up and overreacting to things? idk

What would you say if the shoe was on the other foot?

been there done that, i just send hugs. but id never say anything like that, if i really just cant right now i take a little bit before i answer

 

[feast or famine]

Things like this are the reason I don't really have friends in my life. I have less than a handful, but they are people I've known for years.

It just seems like it always comes down to either me misinterpreting them or them misinterpreting me. I also find I am always going to be let down when I have expectations of others.

It's too troubling most of the time to concern myself with these situations. I'm generally left with just abandoning ship in order to spare my feelings. I don't recommend that because we obviously need friends in life, but it's hard to navigate.

I'm definitely bogus at giving advice. I see where you're coming from and I am sorry you struggle with this as well.

 

[Life_and_Death]

It just seems like it always comes down to either me misinterpreting them or them misinterpreting me. I also find I am always going to be let down when I have expectations of others

friend or not, yeah i get that. thats why i post here less

It's too troubling most of the time to concern myself with these situations. I'm generally left with just abandoning ship in order to spare my feelings. I don't recommend that because we obviously need friends in life, but it's hard to navigate.

hes not "just a friend" though....i dont want to loss him, although im not sure why it matters at this point....

I'm definitely bogus at giving advice. I see where you're coming from and I am sorry you struggle with this as well.

i wouldnt call it "bogus" honestly just interacting with people about it so i can get my thoughts out about everything is helpful. im not the best at initially taking about things but if im engaged with it and made to think about it to form an answer it helps

 

[Ghost2211]

That's why it's nice having friends on here. They are patient and understanding about this mental state because they are in it as well, so they don't judge or get overwhelmed by it.

 

[feast or famine]

friend or not, yeah i get that. thats why i post here less

hes not "just a friend" though....i dont want to loss him, although im not sure why it matters at this point....

i wouldnt call it "bogus" honestly just interacting with people about it so i can get my thoughts out about everything is helpful. im not the best at initially taking about things but if im engaged with it and made to think about it to form an answer it helps

I'm much too cynical to give out any sort of decent advice is the point I was making while mentioning my own experiences in relationships with others in hopes you know you aren't alone! Relationships in any context can be confusing.

You could simply talk to him and see if he's receptive to what you have to say? Even if you have previously talked with him before, it might not hurt to try again. He could be completely oblivious to how he comes off to you.

All the best.

 

[Good4Nothing]

I've got a friend I never see, but we message often. I've known him over 30 years. A couple months ago when I was at my most suicidal, I tried opening up to him, because I desperately needed someone to talk to. He cracked jokes. Made light of it. It was all funny to him. So I guess I learned that our friendship is a superficial one. No deep talk, just joking around. It makes me sad. It makes me miss my best friend, who was an asshole who drank himself to death, but at least he could have a deep conversation and take it seriously.
I'm not trying to make it about me, I'm just trying to say I understand, with an anecdote. Sucks when you can't even talk to your friends.

 

[Life_and_Death]

That's why it's nice having friends on here. They are patient and understanding about this mental state because they are in it as well, so they don't judge or get overwhelmed by it.

i dont really think i have friends on here. i mean youre awesome and the other people in this thread are being really nice, but it seems like most people on here hate me, thats why i dont say much anymore. its actually what started this whole thing for me. sometime last week was my last straw when a member was being passive aggressive with me because i asked a simple question. ive been dealing with things like that a lot and not just on here but on other "support" sites as well. and my friend doing this isnt helping, my little brother basically saying never message him again......idk if everyone really hates me or if i snapped and developed something like capgras (imposter syndrome, which i do have towards animals) only instead of thinking my pets are imposters i think everyone hates me. people tell me its fine and i want to believe them but then i keep seeing more and more proof that its not ok

I'm much too cynical to hash out any sort of decent advice is the point I was making while mentioning my own experiences in relationships with others.

You could simply talk to him and see if he's receptive to what you have to say? Even if you have previously talked with him before, it might not hurt to try again. He could be completely oblivious to how he comes off to you.

All the best.

probably the best advice yes, but like i told rosey i feel horrible for mentioning things that upset me

im tired of telling people that. im tired of telling people anything. "you have to act this way. you have to say this specific thing. if you dont do things this very specific way that youre just suppose to know im going to kill myself" is all i feel like im saying every time i do it. everything upsets me... :(

sorry for kind of ranting at you rosey thats just how i feel, im tired of "correcting" people....

 

[Ghost2211]

i dont really think i have friends on here. i mean youre awesome and the other people in this thread are being really nice, but it seems like most people on here hate me, thats why i dont say much anymore. its actually what started this whole thing for me. sometime last week was my last straw when a member was being passive aggressive with me because i asked a simple question. ive been dealing with things like that a lot and not just on here but on other "support" sites as well. and my friend doing this isnt helping, my little brother basically saying never message him again......idk if everyone really hates me or if i snapped and developed something like capgras (imposter syndrome, which i do have towards animals) only instead of thinking my pets are imposters i think everyone hates me. people tell me its fine and i want to believe them but then i keep seeing more and more proof that its not ok

I'm sorry you feel rejected. I think this group is like any other social setting and that the quieter people have less social connections. It's unfortunate you had a negative interaction with a group member and all of us have at least one or two people in the group that we simply don't get along with. I just make a point of not really communicating with the person if that happens. I've never had a bad interaction with you, and I'm completely cool with you as a person. You are a part of the community, and you are valued.

I have self-worth issues to, and people irl are making me feel worthless as well. I think a lot of times that's more a reflection of who they are and they're coping skills rather than us. People should be there for one another when they need help, but unfortunately that's not the way humans work.

 

[feast or famine]

probably the best advice yes, but like i told rosey i feel horrible for mentioning things that upset me

Don't feel bad about mentioning things that upset you. I often feel like this too, but keeping things inside can make things worse. I encourage you to always speak on how you feel. I know it's easier said than done, though.

I suppose coming here and bouncing your thoughts off on us acts like an outlet of sorts, at least I hope you find some relief doing so.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Don't feel bad about mentioning things that upset you. I often feel like this too, but keeping things built up can make things worse. I encourage you to always speak on how you feel. I know it's easier said than done, though.

I suppose coming here and bouncing your thoughts off on those here acts like an outlet of sorts, at least I hope you find some relief doing so.

yeah....hes busy and ill be in bed before hes done but im thinking ill get him to read this and see how i feel about everything then talk to him about it after work

 

[Deleted member 25174]

When I read the initial post I thought he was trying to make you feel like you're not alone in these thoughts. For a lot of people the fear of it only being them that has these thoughts and feelings is one of the worst things about it. I never really speak to anyone but if I do I make a big joke out of it so that me or the other person doesn't feel uncomfortable. My friends always tell me it's not funny but that's how I react to everything