Does this lonely and hopeless feeling ever go away?

[Rushon]

Hello to everyone here, I am new and want to share my story. I am a 60 year old man and have prostate cancer that has returned for a second time. Two years ago I had my prostate removed, now I have just finished hormone and radiation therapy. The treatment has left me tired and sick, it really wears on you after a while.

My girlfriend of 7 years, who would never marry me, grew more and more distant as my treatments went along. She started spending most of her free time with her daughter and grandson, which I understood. Her mother passed a year ago and now the estate is close to being settled which means a big check for the girlfriend. She grew further and further away from me as time and treatments went along, there were a few times that I could not drive myself and had to get a co worker to take me as she did not care enough to get off work and help me.

As time passed I know that I did change, I started drinking more and become angry. One night she came home very late and we had words. She slapped me and dug her fingernails into my arm. I did the unthinkable and hit her. In one instance my whole life crumbled, no more relationship, no home, no pets that I loved dearly, nothing. She even told the cops that I threatened to kill her, which is not true but made the story a lot better for her.

So now here I am, no job, no home and feeling bad from the cancer treatments. And facing criminal charges based on what she said, and the cops are taking it seriously. I am too old and in too much pain to go to jail. I wish that night had never happened and everything was good again. But here I am feeling a pain like I have never even thought could exist, I wish God would just take me now.

That is why I am here.

 

[Moony21]

This is a very very sad story of your past years. I am sorry for your pain.

Can't understand what your Ex did. That's horrible. I wish you strength

 

[SinisterKid]

Hi and welcome to SS.

Have a good look through the resources section and if you find a method that meets your needs, research it, research it and research it some more. Impulsive and badly researched attempts often end in failure and that is something that is very difficult to cope with on so many levels.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/list-of-resources.3/

 

[Taki]

That's a tough story and I can understand why you're despairing. She has treated you badly and on top of that you probably don't have a lot of energy to cope or fight back. Do you have any supports in your life?

if you're taking part in a cancer program, ask your doctor if they have support services for patients.

 

[realjunes]

Hello to everyone here, I am new and want to share my story. I am a 60 year old man and have prostate cancer that has returned for a second time. Two years ago I had my prostate removed, now I have just finished hormone and radiation therapy. The treatment has left me tired and sick, it really wears on you after a while.

My girlfriend of 7 years, who would never marry me, grew more and more distant as my treatments went along. She started spending most of her free time with her daughter and grandson, which I understood. Her mother passed a year ago and now the estate is close to being settled which means a big check for the girlfriend. She grew further and further away from me as time and treatments went along, there were a few times that I could not drive myself and had to get a co worker to take me as she did not care enough to get off work and help me.

As time passed I know that I did change, I started drinking more and become angry. One night she came home very late and we had words. She slapped me and dug her fingernails into my arm. I did the unthinkable and hit her. In one instance my whole life crumbled, no more relationship, no home, no pets that I loved dearly, nothing. She even told the cops that I threatened to kill her, which is not true but made the story a lot better for her.

So now here I am, no job, no home and feeling bad from the cancer treatments. And facing criminal charges based on what she said, and the cops are taking it seriously. I am too old and in too much pain to go to jail. I wish that night had never happened and everything was good again. But here I am feeling a pain like I have never even thought could exist, I wish God would just take me now.

That is why I am here.

Rushon,

Hello to everyone here, I am new and want to share my story. I am a 60 year old man and have prostate cancer that has returned for a second time. Two years ago I had my prostate removed, now I have just finished hormone and radiation therapy. The treatment has left me tired and sick, it really wears on you after a while.

My girlfriend of 7 years, who would never marry me, grew more and more distant as my treatments went along. She started spending most of her free time with her daughter and grandson, which I understood. Her mother passed a year ago and now the estate is close to being settled which means a big check for the girlfriend. She grew further and further away from me as time and treatments went along, there were a few times that I could not drive myself and had to get a co worker to take me as she did not care enough to get off work and help me.

As time passed I know that I did change, I started drinking more and become angry. One night she came home very late and we had words. She slapped me and dug her fingernails into my arm. I did the unthinkable and hit her. In one instance my whole life crumbled, no more relationship, no home, no pets that I loved dearly, nothing. She even told the cops that I threatened to kill her, which is not true but made the story a lot better for her.

So now here I am, no job, no home and feeling bad from the cancer treatments. And facing criminal charges based on what she said, and the cops are taking it seriously. I am too old and in too much pain to go to jail. I wish that night had never happened and everything was good again. But here I am feeling a pain like I have never even thought could exist, I wish God would just take me now.

That is why I am here.

Rushon,
Wow, you are really new, like 20 minutes ago. But let me say to you, you are in the absolute right place at the absolute right time, and there are many guys with many similarities to you on this forum, who feel your pain. Please take the advice of SinisterKid and explore this forum as much as you can to get familiar with the wealth of information, and more importantly, with the wealth of compassion and sincerity, you will find with fellow members. We value you. You may not know, but if you write posts anywhere on the forum at least 5 times, as you explore the different threads, you will then be able to receive or send private messages, PMs, and we welcome you to do that, or just keep posting your story and your questions to the universe of experience that lives on this forum. There is not a thought you have or feeling you experience, or difficulty you face, that someone here had not felt or experienced, and they are willing to be open to you in this time of trouble for you. So Welcome, if that seems appropriate. You definitely have issues we can empathize with and want you to avail yourself, to the extent you wish. Good night, for now, and hang with us, please.

 

[ThingWithFeathers]

Sorry to know that you have hit the rock bottom in your life. Cancer is indeed very hard to deal with and it erodes some hope in life. In such rough times, the thought of death sometimes frequent our mind but this decision of taking your own life is something that you would rather not want to take impulsively. Saying this because impulsive suicides fail more and may cause you more pain as a result.

I understand that cops take domestic violence seriously but you should not assume guilt before the matter goes to the court. Even in the worst case scenario, the judge may find you a low risk offender contingent upon your past record and may award you a non-custodial sentence. Your cancer may also contribute to some leniency.

Whatever you decide with your life, allow yourself enough time to weigh the pros and cons of the outcome. Best wishes.

 

[Rushon]

Thanks to everyone for the kind words. Right now my pain and hopelessness are so unbearable. I am living with my 80 year old mom that basically sleeps 24 hours a day so basically I am alone all the time and that just gives my mind the opportunity to go to the deep dark places. I have always been a good person, worked in animal rescue my whole life. and my goal in retirement was to take trained dogs to see children with cancer in the hospital. Cancer changes people, not just the person that has it but people that are closest to you. The number of divorced people I have met at cancer center is mind blowing. I met a gentleman in a wheel chair that told me his wife left the day the doctor said he would never get out of the chair!

 

[sleepy dog]

Hello to everyone here, I am new and want to share my story. I am a 60 year old man and have prostate cancer that has returned for a second time. Two years ago I had my prostate removed, now I have just finished hormone and radiation therapy. The treatment has left me tired and sick, it really wears on you after a while.

My girlfriend of 7 years, who would never marry me, grew more and more distant as my treatments went along. She started spending most of her free time with her daughter and grandson, which I understood. Her mother passed a year ago and now the estate is close to being settled which means a big check for the girlfriend. She grew further and further away from me as time and treatments went along, there were a few times that I could not drive myself and had to get a co worker to take me as she did not care enough to get off work and help me.

As time passed I know that I did change, I started drinking more and become angry. One night she came home very late and we had words. She slapped me and dug her fingernails into my arm. I did the unthinkable and hit her. In one instance my whole life crumbled, no more relationship, no home, no pets that I loved dearly, nothing. She even told the cops that I threatened to kill her, which is not true but made the story a lot better for her.

So now here I am, no job, no home and feeling bad from the cancer treatments. And facing criminal charges based on what she said, and the cops are taking it seriously. I am too old and in too much pain to go to jail. I wish that night had never happened and everything was good again. But here I am feeling a pain like I have never even thought could exist, I wish God would just take me now.

That is why I am here.

Was she arrested and charged with the crimes she did?

 

[Rushon]

No the police said they could not see the evidence of the slap, but I looked in the mirror and there was a welp. They did what they wanted to do.

 

[sleepy dog]

No the police said they could not see the evidence of the slap, but I looked in the mirror and there was a welp. They did what they wanted to do.

I am horrible at defending myself, but from getting victimized by people lying to the police many times before I have learned some things. If you are telling the truth, she provoked you into defending yourself. That alone should have meant no charges for you. But I understand how the stupid police operate in the USA. Women in the USA have more freedom and rights than men do. You need to constantly talk about her statutory violations when you talk to your attorney or anybody else associated with the case. Maybe even say nothing but repeatedly state the crimes she committed. But speak calmly and give respect. You must pursue charges. How to do that, I don't know. I don't know law, but it doesn't seem to matter anyway. The rights of men are ignored every day. The more time goes by without you trying to get charges pressed, the least likely it will happen. Not only did she assault you, she made a false report to the police. The assault also did bodily harm, the scratches on your arm, that is a more serious charge. I hope you took pictures. Maybe try calling the prosecutor's office to press charges. Maybe show up in person with a statement of what she did prepared. They need to know you are being truthful, and that you are serious about charges. You can also tell your attorney about wanting charges pressed. But absolutely do not plead to anything. Refuse to plead to anything, and constantly request that charges be pressed. If you plead, then what she did will never get documented. You can also immediately file papers for a civil action for damages and undue stress. When she discovers that, maybe she will drop the charges. You can also file papers to get a order of protection from her, or injunction of harassment. It is different in each state. That would mean if you happen to run into her in public, she would be arrested. Because even if the filer initiates contact, the person the injunction is filed against is in violation. You must press charges. You must refuse to plead to anything, take it to trial.

SUMMARY:
- she provoked you
- speak calmly and give respect, even if you don't want to
- her statutory violations are assault, assault with bodily harm, assault on an elderly or ill, making a false report to the police, and maybe more
- MUST pursue charges, write a statement detailing what happened, and the statutory violations she is guilty of, make many copies
- MUST refuse to plead to anything, go to trial

 

[Rushon]

This maybe should be a new thread but I wanted to expand on what is making me think about CTB. First I believe that you can grieve for a relationship, even though you may know that the person was not treating you well. It hit me yesterday that I don't miss her but I miss what I wanted her and the relationship to be. I miss the companionship, having a buddy to do things with, having someone to listen when you don't feel well. I am hurting for losing my way of life, my dogs, going to the dog park. Sure I have friends but most of them are very involved with their kids and don't have a lot of free time.

I am so lonely, have a constant pain in the center of my chest. Will not go away.