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Weebster

Weebster

Everyone is alone. Everyone is empty.
Mar 11, 2022
1,683
One thing about ctb is that I don't want to have to say goodbye forever to some people, but if I don't ctb, i'll have to part from them one day anyway.

I think it comes down to having no or few strong connections to others. I just want that so bad that I continue to live hoping I can find
It. I won't find connection in death.
 
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Chiisai

Chiisai

To infinity and beyond!
Sep 1, 2021
754
I honestly dont find it easy to CTB with that thought. However, seeing all these goodbye posts makes me somehow feel at ease that I am not doing it alone and I dont know if its a good thing or a bad thing because it might just spark another issue for this forum to be put down.
 
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_Minsk

_Minsk

death: the cure for life
Dec 9, 2019
1,142
Yes, it feels relieving to me, knowing i will die regardless.
 
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Weebster

Weebster

Everyone is alone. Everyone is empty.
Mar 11, 2022
1,683
Yes, it feels relieving to me, knowing i will die regardless.
So we don't really lose anything. In the short term, we would lose decades, but on a grand scale, absolutely nothing.
 
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B

BrokenLine

Experienced
Jul 13, 2019
255
One thing about ctb is that I don't want to have to say goodbye forever to some people, but if I don't ctb, i'll have to part from them one day anyway.

I think it comes down to having no or few strong connections to others. I just want that so bad that I continue to live hoping I can find
It. I won't find connection in death.
I for a very long time just knowing I would die one day that's all I had to kept me going, the journey didn't matter it was the reward at the end. Things changed for me I wanted those connections too and thought I had them. So I get that I really do, hope can be great and a bitch,

I will say if you have real hope and the opportunity don't squander it, after all everyone dies one day. I tried and tried and failed too many times.
 
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Weebster

Weebster

Everyone is alone. Everyone is empty.
Mar 11, 2022
1,683
I for a very long time just knowing I would die one day that's all I had to kept me going, the journey didn't matter it was the reward at the end. Things changed for me I wanted those connections too and thought I had them. So I get that I really do, hope can be great and a bitch,

I will say if you have real hope and the opportunity don't squander it, after all everyone dies one day. I tried and tried and failed too many times.
So death was the reward in your mind and that helped you live each day?

I've noticed that these connections appear a few times a year, and the rest of the time I'm just disconnected.
Short answer, no.
Why? Because you have decades more left?
 
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ClownMe

ClownMe

Don't Cry for Me, I'm Already Dead
Apr 7, 2021
20,561
For me it does, it's somewhat comforting knowing that everyone will die someday, if we all didn't die I think life would be even more pointless and mundane than it already is.
 
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WhiteRabbit

WhiteRabbit

I'm late, i'm late. For a very important date.
Feb 12, 2019
1,716
Yes. It makes the choice a little less gigantic, knowing that I'll always die eventually.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
43,273
For me it is a relief, that death will come no matter what eventually, and that my suffering will end one day. All life is temporary and meaningless after all. I just think for me, the thing that would make ctb easier would be a peaceful and reliable way to leave this world, I have made peace with my decision and there is nothing that I want from life. I do not fear death, instead I look forward to it. Just the fact that ctb is so difficult is what keeps me in this world.
 
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Crazy4u

Crazy4u

Enlightened
Sep 29, 2021
1,318
yeah, it is exactly how i think about it. I will die anyway and things will get worse. Why should I wait?
 
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B

BrokenLine

Experienced
Jul 13, 2019
255
So death was the reward in your mind and that helped you live each day?

I've noticed that these connections appear a few times a year, and the rest of the time I'm just disconnected.

Why? Because you have decades more left?
I was depressed and suicide and took a OD at 11yo, Someone who was supposed to help me instead made me feel guilty for feeling how I did and questioned me how my family would feel knowing i did that, and how it would affect the one that found me. That's what trapped me I couldn't talk without hurting someone so I hurt myself every time I wanted to die.

yes it helped me survive not really live, my hope was that i would die one day and It wouldn't hurt anyone. It freed me to stop caring to just stop trying to just wait it trapped me, i would have to wait decades, i would go through decades of hell.

in my life I've met a handful of people i honestly felt were worth taking the risk for, because building those types of connections are rare and rarer still its mutual. Now I'm on the path I've always been on.
 
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Pain In The Ass

Pain In The Ass

Wizard
Feb 10, 2022
638
One thing about ctb is that I don't want to have to say goodbye forever to some people, but if I don't ctb, i'll have to part from them one day anyway.

I think it comes down to having no or few strong connections to others. I just want that so bad that I continue to live hoping I can find
It. I won't find connection in death.
I think this is the key to reminding ourselves why this isn't as a big a deal as it seems - we are all 100% going to die, and so is everyone we love, and hate, and everyone whose lives we've ever been envious of - all we're doing is attempting to die sooner than we likely expected to
 
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Lost Magic

Lost Magic

Illuminated
May 5, 2020
3,200
I am glad that I know that I will die but I am even more glad that I know I 'will' speeding up the process.
 
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Weebster

Weebster

Everyone is alone. Everyone is empty.
Mar 11, 2022
1,683
I think this is the key to reminding ourselves why this isn't as a big a deal as it seems - we are all 100% going to die, and so is everyone we love, and hate, and everyone whose lives we've ever been envious of - all we're doing is attempting to die sooner than we likely expected to
Also maybe it's because people don't feel they're going to die, so suicide is hard to hear about and commit.
 
flagmaster

flagmaster

Member
Oct 19, 2020
53
I work with the elderly and it opens your eyes.

We all have to go at some point and I think choosing your time is better than life choosing for you. I've seen what happens when you live too long, it's not pleasant.

Medical professionals and care staff will make decisions on your behalf to keep you going for as long as possible, disregarding how you feel.

And everyone says "if I get like that, I don't want to be here.", but if you don't choose when… time will catch up and you won't get to choose anymore.

Everyone dies. Life is a temporary mistake.
 
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Al Cappella

Al Cappella

Are we there yet?
Feb 2, 2022
888
I don't know if it's universal, it never came up in conversation a lot, but as you get older your relationship with dying changes. I've started looking at it as a form of relief, as in "I've done my bit, it's out of my hands now".

Depending on circumstance, CTBing can be a very different thing. Are you doing it because of illness, protest, revenge, poverty—and at what age. I think it's easier when you really know you're ready. I don't think most are, but who knows…
 
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Pain In The Ass

Pain In The Ass

Wizard
Feb 10, 2022
638
Also maybe it's because people don't feel they're going to die, so suicide is hard to hear about and commit.
Do you mean that people can't comprehend that one day they will actually die? I think a lot of people suffer from this. They just never give it enough thought. Maybe it's something that culturally needs to be spoken about more. It would probably help people stop procrastinating and wasting their earlier lives drinking and wasting money and opportunities so much
 
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fatefulstillness

fatefulstillness

ghost.
Oct 24, 2021
151
The thought of death coming my way no matter what I choose is relieving to me. However, there are some days that make it very clear I'm something that lives, and I still have a distance to cross to actually end my life. It's not necessarily a bad thing or a good one either. It just is, like I still am.

Death is the absence of everything, and it's interesting how we try to approach it from such a vivid opposite.
 
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Weebster

Weebster

Everyone is alone. Everyone is empty.
Mar 11, 2022
1,683
The thought of death coming my way no matter what I choose is relieving to me. However, there are some days that make it very clear I'm something that lives, and I still have a distance to cross to actually end my life. It's not necessarily a bad thing or a good one either. It just is, like I still am.

Death is the absence of everything, and it's interesting how we try to approach it from such a vivid opposite.
I wish death were something. I want to live but not in this world.
 
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Red Scare

Red Scare

Wizard
Mar 1, 2022
647
I want to live but not in this world.
I really feel that. When my life was great, I wanted to live forever. I wish when you die you could go to a perfect reality where everything is awesome and exactly what you want forever and ever, but that seems very unlikely. And any of the afterlife's described by any of the world's religions seems awful to me. So I won't mind going into eternal nothingness.
 
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Weebster

Weebster

Everyone is alone. Everyone is empty.
Mar 11, 2022
1,683
I really feel that. When my life was great, I wanted to live forever. I wish when you die you could go to a perfect reality where everything is awesome and exactly what you want forever and ever, but that seems very unlikely. And any of the afterlife's described by any of the world's religions seems awful to me. So I won't mind going into eternal nothingness.
I don't want a perfect world. I want one that's just better than this one.
 
Pain In The Ass

Pain In The Ass

Wizard
Feb 10, 2022
638
Kinda hope so
Imagine if you wake up in a simulator every time you die, and this carries on forever, and no one knows where the actual reality containing the original simulator is - that actually sounds horrible because you never get to CTB!
 
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jimmy7754

jimmy7754

I just want to be myself again
Dec 15, 2021
508
Please no more of me.
 
deathbydragon

deathbydragon

take me with you
Mar 17, 2022
189
It's funny that one of my main reasons for staying alive used to be "you die anyway, why rush it?"
These days, it's reversed completely to "you die anyway, why wait?"
 
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