Hey SS,
As I consider CTB more seriously, I have a couple questions that I'd love some input on. You don't have to answer all of them, I know it's a lot of text, just whatever stirs your fancy.
1- What do you think of consciousness after death? Is there a part, or parts, of you, that will persist, do you think? At a purely scientific level, our atoms disperse back into the atmosphere, sure. And I know part of science is that they can't address non-quantifiable things like afterlife, etc. But it makes me wonder. Is the internal voice we have, this language inside us that is our thoughts and awareness—is that something that only occurs with the marriage of spirit and body, so to speak? So we won't be us after we die, we won't be this consciousness we know, since we won't have access to our internal monologue since it's created by our brain, and our brain will die in death; but still we will persist in some way, with those recycled atoms? Hm. I mean, you know when you get a 'feeling', or just bodily sensations, right? That's not your brain necessarily, it's your body transmitting a signal received by your brain. So, there is some kind of bodily-specific level of awareness / feeling or thinking / interaction with the environment. Can that persist after our brain dies, when our body returns to the world? In this sense it would seem that it's not the soul that's immortal, it's the body. ('Immortal' in the sense of continuing past death, given that eventually there'll be a heat death of the universe or something? So I've been told...)
2- What is the real ethical value in continuing to live? I mean, society makes such a deal of it, 988 too, blah blah usual cliche remarks around this matter. Me personally, I have been suicidal since ages 9/10. If I continue to not CTB, and live to say, 45, and I am still a dysfunctional adult, with no career, no partner or all that comes with it, no stability or standing in society, etc.—what has been the value in saving my life? Why is it ethical just to live? Especially since, dysfunctional as I am, I can foresee myself in the future subsisting off lots of government assistance, utilizing resources that might make more cynical types look at me as a drain on society, a grifter off the functional folk who pay taxes to keep the govt assist going, etc. In a purely financial or mathematical sense, society would be losing value with me around. But apparently there is some metaphysical value to having me here, even if, let's say worst case scenario, I take a lot and contribute nothing in return.
I had more to ask, but I forgot. lol. Curious about what people think.
edited to add-
3- I am interested in the fluctuation of certainty w/r/t CTB, influenced by SI. When I read some of the more explicit methods of suicide on here, I feel my stomach sink a bit; or, having watched a video someone posted of themselves consuming SN on a thread time-delayed to post after they CTB'ed, I felt a start and concern and sadness, like I wanted to make them stop, and it couldn't be possible that they had tried every option before resorting to this one. And yet part of me is certain I'm going to CTB, it's just a matter of time, and logically I believe in the right to die for others, even if I didn't want it for myself; and so... is it even worth trying to parse it out? I was going to ask if others have similar contradictory feelings w/r/t CTB and SI, but maybe the more interesting question is those that don't, since the former seems more common. I think that's why I'm fascinated by people who go through with it. That level of certainty, and overcoming SI, is... not quite unfathomable, but... something?
As I consider CTB more seriously, I have a couple questions that I'd love some input on. You don't have to answer all of them, I know it's a lot of text, just whatever stirs your fancy.
1- What do you think of consciousness after death? Is there a part, or parts, of you, that will persist, do you think? At a purely scientific level, our atoms disperse back into the atmosphere, sure. And I know part of science is that they can't address non-quantifiable things like afterlife, etc. But it makes me wonder. Is the internal voice we have, this language inside us that is our thoughts and awareness—is that something that only occurs with the marriage of spirit and body, so to speak? So we won't be us after we die, we won't be this consciousness we know, since we won't have access to our internal monologue since it's created by our brain, and our brain will die in death; but still we will persist in some way, with those recycled atoms? Hm. I mean, you know when you get a 'feeling', or just bodily sensations, right? That's not your brain necessarily, it's your body transmitting a signal received by your brain. So, there is some kind of bodily-specific level of awareness / feeling or thinking / interaction with the environment. Can that persist after our brain dies, when our body returns to the world? In this sense it would seem that it's not the soul that's immortal, it's the body. ('Immortal' in the sense of continuing past death, given that eventually there'll be a heat death of the universe or something? So I've been told...)
2- What is the real ethical value in continuing to live? I mean, society makes such a deal of it, 988 too, blah blah usual cliche remarks around this matter. Me personally, I have been suicidal since ages 9/10. If I continue to not CTB, and live to say, 45, and I am still a dysfunctional adult, with no career, no partner or all that comes with it, no stability or standing in society, etc.—what has been the value in saving my life? Why is it ethical just to live? Especially since, dysfunctional as I am, I can foresee myself in the future subsisting off lots of government assistance, utilizing resources that might make more cynical types look at me as a drain on society, a grifter off the functional folk who pay taxes to keep the govt assist going, etc. In a purely financial or mathematical sense, society would be losing value with me around. But apparently there is some metaphysical value to having me here, even if, let's say worst case scenario, I take a lot and contribute nothing in return.
I had more to ask, but I forgot. lol. Curious about what people think.
edited to add-
3- I am interested in the fluctuation of certainty w/r/t CTB, influenced by SI. When I read some of the more explicit methods of suicide on here, I feel my stomach sink a bit; or, having watched a video someone posted of themselves consuming SN on a thread time-delayed to post after they CTB'ed, I felt a start and concern and sadness, like I wanted to make them stop, and it couldn't be possible that they had tried every option before resorting to this one. And yet part of me is certain I'm going to CTB, it's just a matter of time, and logically I believe in the right to die for others, even if I didn't want it for myself; and so... is it even worth trying to parse it out? I was going to ask if others have similar contradictory feelings w/r/t CTB and SI, but maybe the more interesting question is those that don't, since the former seems more common. I think that's why I'm fascinated by people who go through with it. That level of certainty, and overcoming SI, is... not quite unfathomable, but... something?
Last edited:
