Does lockdown make you feel more or less suicidal?

[Kumachan]

Definitely not less!

 

[I screwed up]

Initially it just drove me to depression and more desperation to commit ctb but now I have kind of got used to this lock down ... Have learnt the art of blocking out my patents and their constant complaints and taunts. But the desire to ctb is still as strong as before...

 

[SuiSqueeze92]

A little less. I prepare for the worst and hope for the best, but it's somehow nice knowing most are living like hermits like I do lol. Makes me sound so weird haha but for me separation from the masses is nice.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

Much worse. I cant stand being with my whole family 24/7. Before this, eventho I spend my time mostly home, everyone else is not, and I can limit my interaction. This is just utterly frustrating.

More. Before this the daydream of being somewhere else kinda kept me going. That can't happen now.

I feel like these posts here have basically described my entire current situation. I've at least been living with my dad for a while because my income was too low to afford to live anywhere else. I started a new job thinking it would help, but then had my hours cut so I'm still here. To make things worse, one of my siblings moved back and now it feels like I never have time to myself anymore because of this lockdown. I would love to move away, but I don't know how I can do that when this lockdown keeps getting extended.

I've been wanting to wait a few years to CTB, but I often feel like I'm sick of waiting and want to do it sooner. I guess it has made me feel more suicidal, but it's only because of my current living situation making it an issue. If I could have been on my own from the very beginning, the lockdown probably would have been beneficial, rather than harmful. It fucking sucks.

 

[Orpheus*]

I feel like I've pressed pause on my suicidal feelings. In my head, there's no point in doing anything now, I might as well wait and see what the new world looks like and if there's a place for me in it. Things are either gonna be hell on Earth, in which case I'm sorted as already have my escape route but there's a chance now that the whole world is coming to terms with loss and trauma, there more be more empathy...

Be curious to hear how others feel.

Less because I'm an extreme introvert. Not having to deal with people (other than the people I want to talk to) is good for my mental state. I also delayed my plans for a similar reason: I thought it would be dumb to CTB when the world is in a really chaotic place rn. But I don't think the world will be considerably different unlike how everybody else is so hype thinking this is the revolution (not realizing revolution means direct action on their end too..........not just tweeting about it at home. that's why there hasn't been a revolution).

 

[Soulless_Angel]

It's messing with my head totally, I fear the future more so then ever before now, Not even the long term future, but the next month future and so on. I have one vision in my mind that comforts me, gives me butterflies but makes me feel safe, when my mind is not torturing me, I can take myself to that place and feel calm, its suicide related, I don't wish to say more then that, but it reminds me that path is there, and I've never left it, but right now, lock down is one hellah of a distraction

 

[NefariousWish]

I've lived like this for years, but it was a choice. Being forced to live like this is hell.

 

[s1mplem3]

Feel the same.

 

[ceelo]

well no different because im not really suicidal in the traditional sense, im more wanting to escape the pain of my disorder.

 

[Despondent]

This lockdown has still yet to affect me in some way. I actually enjoy not having to see a lot of people at once lol I'd say less suicidal but there's been factors that have positively contributed to this

 

[RedFive]

Bit mixed for me, changes by the day. Some days I like the isolation as I feel quite free, don't have to do the daily commute to work which is stressful, and I feel mean but I subconsciously like that other people are experiencing real isolation that many of us experience in out normal lives. But then on other days I feel really lonely and are reminded that no one has really reached out so makes me certain it's time to go.

 

[Iwantoutrightnow]

Mixed. I didn't go out much before lockdown and initially I went out more because I used to get my shopping delivered but as I'm not in the vulnerable group I had to go to the supermarket. I haven't left my flat since April, I have no food left, the only thing I have with any flavour is a few cans of beer.

What's got to me the most is the adverts saying 'we'll get through this together' - the people who didn't have other people in their lives before lockdown still don't have people in their lives and the constant reminder is soul destroying. Pre-lockdown at least my inability to function and exist normally in the world wasn't constantly shoved in my face by the tv!

I have enjoyed the quietness of lockdown, not hearing people and cars made me feel much safer but coming out of that, even slowly is horrific for me. Every car door makes me jump, every voice makes me anxious. I know I don't belong in this world and lockdown has just made that very clear.

I had a plan to ctb before lockdown that I had to abandon because of lockdown. Now I have a a new method but a time pressure.

 

[SpottedPanda]

Before the lockdown I was doing initial experiments with the Night Night method, then I came to live with relatives during the lockdown. I like it here, but it's life as normal as soon as I return home, plenty of time to plan and experiment with exit methods. If anything the lockdown has temporarily extended my life, as if I was stuck at home I would have felt the desire to push forwards, and had the solitude to do so

 

[adios]

Honestly a bit of both... I'm trapped with my family and argue with them constantly so that's a problem for me, however I don't have to see the people who were bullying me ever again so that's nice. However now I don't have an opportunity to fix my school grades before graduating and I also have more free time to think about death. There are pros and cons I guess.

 

[braketimez]

Doesn't make a difference for me. Stuff like this has happened before. The media just makes it seem like something brand new.