Also the other reason I wouldn't want to leave a note behind is I feel it would be shameful after people confirm that I ctb
So, are you hoping that people will initially believe your death was either an accident or of natural causes?
It is inevitable that at least your immediate family members will find out that it was suicide, as in many places (at least in the US) only immediate family can get copies of death certificates & autopsy reports for free. Often, they automatically receive them. So, they will find out within a few days.
I know in some cultures suicide may be shameful, but I think your family will be more consumed with grief & guilt than thinking about shaming you.
Remember that grief is a process, too. There are many emotions the living experience after the loss of a loved one & it never goes in a straight line. One day a person may be filled with sadness & the next anger. A week later, he or she may be despondent again, asking why & blaming themselves, only to feel rage a month later. Eventually, though, they do reach acceptance & peace with the loss. But it takes time.
I think that leaving a letter may alleviate some of these feelings in the aftermath of your loss. It may shorten their time of grief, or help them to move on & be at peace with it more quickly. I truly wish my friend had left a letter for me. It's something I would have cherished forever.
I wish you the best in your decision. I know it's difficult, but we are here to support you. (Hugs)
I wrote 6 notes. 1 for my parents, 2 for closer friends, 1 for my therapist, 1 for my ex teacher and 1 for my ex social worker.
Every letter is personal written for the persons and I explained myself and that I appreciated the time I had with them and that I did it because I felt like it is the right thing for me and that I never felt comfortable being me and with living in general.
So I think in my case it helps but it is your choice. I felt like I wanna do that.
Also planned my funeral and stuff so they don't need to handle it.
I also plan to leave several personal notes & arrange & pay for my funeral ahead of time so no one will be bothered with all of that. I find it admirable that you're also thinking ahead & keeping those you leave behind in mind so as not to cause them more pain/inconvenience than necessary.