Discussion Does language matter?

[anywhere_else]

Hey everyone. Bit of context to this: I've had two unsuccessful attempts in my life and both have left me feeling even more worthless each time.

It's common to talk about these attempts as "failed" attempts. I know I do. But is that language damaging, or does it not matter? More and more I'm starting to feel the former. I've felt like a failure for much of my life and maybe I need to re-think the language I use. Dying is so complex, both physiologically (correct quantities, height, distance, "sweet spots") and psychologically (survival instinct). In fact our whole body was designed not to die. So not being able to end it shouldn't be considered a failure.

I'm not sure what people may think to this. I guess many would say it doesn't matter, and it's better to call it what it is. There's no right or wrong I guess, just curious.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

In the broader context of life being a total shitshow in general and driving you to want to ctb in the first place, I'm not sure it's that important. Unless you feel like the words "failing an attempt" are particularly damaging to your self esteem, but I can't imagine they really would be. Still, if it matters to you, it's important by definition I suppose. Someone like me has so many life failures under their belt that one more doesn't exactly mean much at this point.

I do think it's important not to beat yourself up over not succeeding. Dying's the hardest thing you'll ever do and it's normal to continue living, as difficult as it is.

 

[ferret-in-a-sock]

It's 100% damaging...I guess? Depends on the POV. If you think of it like any thing else. "I failed this test. I am a failure in math." Won't lead to like you getting better at math. "I failed this attempt. I am a failure at...CTB..." well, that's dark. But I guess if you really go into even CTB with the idea "I won't succeed. I failed before." You're likely to...fail again.

....I think that's why we call them failed/unsuccessful attempts. Kinda encourages us to keep living in a weird way. If you want to know how I rationale it language wise in my head, I just refer to all my attempts as self-harm, same way I would regular ole self-injury. Yanno, it's lighter for me. Like "oh, I wasn't seriously attempting. Just a bit of ole self-harm. So no need to worry!"

It feels easier that way for me. If you invalidate yourself first, then no-one else can.

 

[FuneralCry]

Anything that can be seen as not going to plan is technically something that has "failed" and I think that using this world means that in no way it's the person's fault, it doesn't mean they are a failure as it's undeniable that suicide is so unnecessarily difficult in this cruel world, I think if someone fails a more risky method like hanging it's the fault of this anti-suicide society for denying people options of more peaceful and reliable methods.

 

[SoftWorries]

It totally matters. Think of the difference between

I'm getting old

And

I'm getting older

Both mean similar things but one has more emotional weight. I've become very careful with the language I use to make sure I'm not saying or writing emotional bombs.

I think language is similar to difference between living somewhere dirty vs clean for the effects on your mental health

 

[SilentSadness]

The language doesn't matter really, only what is meant by the words.

 

[anywhere_else]

Thanks for your input on this. I did perhaps think the majority would think it doesn't matter so much because really, do words even matter at all? I guess it's so trivial.

I think it's just with having two unsuccessful attempts, and preparing for a final (hopefully) third via partial that I've done a lot of introspection. If this doesn't work again, am I just a failure? Am I not helping by overthinking like this?