I watched this David Foster Wallace interview with Charlie Rose. The interviewer asked if his life was like hell in the last years. DFW (long-term suicidal) said not much more than most people at his age. This was absolutely an understatement. I ask myself how much this hurts to pretend that everything was fine. For some people it is more comfortable not being confronted with people knowing about their suicidality. Some people are scared to be forced to the psych-ward. Some people don't want that other people worry too much.
I also did not talk to anyone in my first 3 years of mental illness.
I suppressed my issues a lot and was kind of ashamed about it. But I was too young too reflect what was happening with me. After my psychosis happened and all my close people learned about it I had such a strong suicidality that I could not hide it anymore. All I could think or talk of was suicide. For a long time. It helped to open up to my friends. I can remember the day I cried so much when I told about my childhood abuse. Remembering it makes me kind of sad. I feel sorry for so many people on here who made bad experience about opening up. And I understand your anxiety about it. (To be honest now that I think of it one friend of mine made a dumb joke about it. But I did not find it too awful. He did not know what too say and he is still a very loyal and understanding friend of mine.)
I only try to surround me with people who I can fully trust. I have developed a sense for that and I am careful that they are genuinely good people. Otherwise my paranoia would be too high. I am thinking about opening up to a new somewhat friend. It is always a consideration how much you can or should trust another person.
I am more in favor of opening up about your thoughts to other people. But I might be biased because I have made mostly good experiences. Yeah some were pretty bad but I treated these people as scum. To elaborate on that I was more or less forced to open up about my mental illness/vulnerability to other people. I have not told them about my suicidality or anything but some people simply are not empathetic. I would always try to consider how is really trustworthy.
I feel so sorry for the people who are forced to live all alone with this pain. I hope this forum comforts you even a tiny bit that you are not all alone with your feelings. At work this is horrible. In my experience the most employers see this as weakness. I was an easy target.
Sometimes I would like to scream to the world "yeah I am suicidal" deal with it when my social skills are once again a reason for me to be ashamed. Though screaming that would not help at all.
I also did not talk to anyone in my first 3 years of mental illness.
I suppressed my issues a lot and was kind of ashamed about it. But I was too young too reflect what was happening with me. After my psychosis happened and all my close people learned about it I had such a strong suicidality that I could not hide it anymore. All I could think or talk of was suicide. For a long time. It helped to open up to my friends. I can remember the day I cried so much when I told about my childhood abuse. Remembering it makes me kind of sad. I feel sorry for so many people on here who made bad experience about opening up. And I understand your anxiety about it. (To be honest now that I think of it one friend of mine made a dumb joke about it. But I did not find it too awful. He did not know what too say and he is still a very loyal and understanding friend of mine.)
I only try to surround me with people who I can fully trust. I have developed a sense for that and I am careful that they are genuinely good people. Otherwise my paranoia would be too high. I am thinking about opening up to a new somewhat friend. It is always a consideration how much you can or should trust another person.
I am more in favor of opening up about your thoughts to other people. But I might be biased because I have made mostly good experiences. Yeah some were pretty bad but I treated these people as scum. To elaborate on that I was more or less forced to open up about my mental illness/vulnerability to other people. I have not told them about my suicidality or anything but some people simply are not empathetic. I would always try to consider how is really trustworthy.
I feel so sorry for the people who are forced to live all alone with this pain. I hope this forum comforts you even a tiny bit that you are not all alone with your feelings. At work this is horrible. In my experience the most employers see this as weakness. I was an easy target.
Sometimes I would like to scream to the world "yeah I am suicidal" deal with it when my social skills are once again a reason for me to be ashamed. Though screaming that would not help at all.
