Does it get worse the older you get?

[Linda]

I just need to know. To the older people on this site: Does it steadily get worse the older you get? Is it a steady decline after a certain peak or does it go up and down? At what age would you say you "peaked" and why?

Everyone is different. My two best decades were my 20s and 50s. My 60s would have been quite good too, except that they were blighted by chronic fatigue. That has now gone, thanks to a very smart doctor, and I don't know how my 70s will turn out. (I'm 70 now.)
It's not a simple matter of peaking somewhere in mid life and then declining. That is true for physical fitness, but not for overall life experience. It's much more complicated. As you age you lose some things, but gain others. (For example, on the negative side, I don't have much of a sex life now. I would like one, but my husband is roughly the same age as me, and it's just not possible. On the plus side, I'm much more at peace - with myself and with other people - than I once was.) The main disadvantage of getting old is that eventually your health starts to fail, but until you reach a point of having serious health problems there is no reason why life can not be OK, or even good.

 

[returntothevoid]

Everyone is different. My two best decades were my 20s and 50s. My 60s would have been quite good too, except that they were blighted by chronic fatigue. That has now gone, thanks to a very smart doctor, and I don't know how my 70s will turn out. (I'm 70 now.)
It's not a simple matter of peaking somewhere in mid life and then declining. That is true for physical fitness, but not for overall life experience. It's much more complicated. As you age you lose some things, but gain others. (For example, on the negative side, I don't have much of a sex life now. I would like one, but my husband is roughly the same age as me, and it's just not possible. On the plus side, I'm much more at peace - with myself and with other people - than I once was.) The main disadvantag of getting old is that eventually your health starts to fail, but until you reach a point of having serious health problems there is no reason why life can not be OK, or even good.

Thank you for the reply. I think you're the oldest person I've seen on here. If I could I'd probably pick your brain forever, I bet you have so many interesting stories and insight to tell.

 

[AnonymousL]

I don't want to live past 25 lol

Me neither. I attempted in 2019 cause I already didn't wanna make it past 18. But as you can see , i failed

 

[sanction]

Everyone is different. My two best decades were my 20s and 50s. My 60s would have been quite good too, except that they were blighted by chronic fatigue. That has now gone, thanks to a very smart doctor, and I don't know how my 70s will turn out. (I'm 70 now.)
It's not a simple matter of peaking somewhere in mid life and then declining. That is true for physical fitness, but not for overall life experience. It's much more complicated. As you age you lose some things, but gain others. (For example, on the negative side, I don't have much of a sex life now. I would like one, but my husband is roughly the same age as me, and it's just not possible. On the plus side, I'm much more at peace - with myself and with other people - than I once was.) The main disadvantage of getting old is that eventually your health starts to fail, but until you reach a point of having serious health problems there is no reason why life can not be OK, or even good.

What made your 50's as one of your best decades? And what made your 30's and 40's not as good?

Since you mentioned 60's would have been good too (if it wasn't health issue), I assume overall life is reasonably good, or at least acceptable. In that case, what mainly caused you to join this site, or to become suicidal?

 

[Linda]

What made your 50's as one of your best decades? And what made your 30's and 40's not as good?

Since you mentioned 60's would have been good too (if it wasn't health issue), I assume overall life is reasonably good, or at least acceptable. In that case, what mainly caused you to join this site, or to become suicidal?

My 30s and 40s weren't a disaster, but they were messed up by the constant need to keep changing location, mainly because of my job. (By my 48th birthday, I had had 16 different addresses, in many different countries.) Sometimes I had to be away from my husband for long periods, on one occasion for 2 and a half years. All that stuff stopped in my 50s, and everything just seemed to come together.
The worst period in my life was a period of about 8 months when I was 20-21. I very nearly caught the bus then. But overall, my 20s were very good.
For the reasons I'm on this site, see the post I made introducing myself the day I joined. (It's still accessible, if you don't mind scrolling back.) As regards my reasons for being here, nothing has changed since then.

 

[Ironborn]

36 here, I remember being around 25/26 when I just started to question why I was here, what was the point of it.
This led to ever increasing depression, severe alcohol abuse and the last few years bouncing between jobs because nothing felt "right'.
Came to a head just after new year when I tried to drown myself.
Had people throw the "it's get better" at me my entire life.
It really doesn't. Unless you are very talented or very smart you are a slave to work and spending almost twelve hours a day commuting and working five days a week was soul crushing.

 

[Andro_USYD]

No/kinda in my opinion, it's like a stock exchange with periods of ups and periods that fluctuate randomly. I've been taking the same medication for years and I'm always surprised how unpredictably bad and good things can get. Like my dad got arrested for trafficking marijuana allegedly however I might get his car if he gets a prison sentence. But on the other hand he's unemployed now and a bit miserable in my opinion. Things have gone downhill for him fast but he has a lot of energy and seems to be doing alright. My grandfather is going fine as well and seems to be happy whenever he sees us. It's just the world gets more boring as U get used to it, those joyful years at age 5 get replaced with antidepressants and symptoms of mental illness can get worse as in my case. A few years ago I didn't even know I was autistic but now I stick out like a sore thumb and can't get a break from autistic tendencies. However U do meet new people and have the occasional good time. Alcohol comes in to help. It goes downwards but it doesn't plummet to rock bottom if you're seeing a psychiatrist and have ok mental health but honestly In my experience it has gone down just, I don't see it in everyone. I blinked for 2 seconds and now I'm reaching mid 20s already.

 

[shaucro]

I'm 63. Is it worse? No. Better? No. I've found "it" follows me. I'm not sure what "it" is precisely; the black dog? a desire to end it all? Both but definitely I've experienced the latter for as long as I can remember. It doesn't go away. I have good days and bad... weeks. For me, the desire to take my own life seems almost like my natural place, my rested state. Happiness seems both elevated and temporary. I know I will fall back, at some point, to feeling.... pointless.

Tbh, I feel the bus is waiting for me. It feels inevitable that I will catch it one day. It feels like my destiny. Until that day, I tread water and pass time as best I can. It does feels like I'm waiting, I'm not sure what my trigger will be but I know that one day I will decide that I've done enough and it's my time. I suspect the trigger might well be health and/or age related.

For me, the most difficult aspect of ageing is, well, ageing itself. Feeling my body slowing down, my eyesight diminishing, fatigue increasing. Being no longer able to do what I once could. It's a natural process and I take that into account but I can't say I feel pleased by it. I try to embrace the change, or at the very least not get depressed about it but I can't lie - I would prefer it wouldn't happen. I go with it, I don't fight. I accept reluctantly, as one might say goodbye to a fond relationship.

 

[Roseate]

I want to know the opposite. Does it get better? I know the answer might be a bit biased but at least you guys will be honest. I know the stresses will always be there but does it get better? It feels like it truly gets worse, and I don't know a part of me really wonders if I have a chance of ever being happy? I could be the unlucky few that never gets to be happy and in that case there is no reason to stick around for the worst to happen. Just be honest.

 

[shaucro]

Does it get better?

No. Not ime anyway. You just get used to it and learn to live with it I guess. Depends what "it" we're referring to obviously because certain things can get better. Levels of pay for instance. And I suppose experience makes one more accepting, more 'seen it all before/been there done that' But no, I think at the deep and personal level there is no escape.

I reckon if you have that bleakness that hangs around your neck and haunts your daily existence then you're stuck with it and only ever learn to mitigate and live with it. It never goes away. There'll be times where you lose it for a bit (those can be good days) and you can maybe kid yourself that all is rosey but make no mistake, it will return. It is always in wait. For me, it's my default position. True happiness is only ever fleeting, a temporary and elevated state.

 

[sanction]

No. Not ime anyway. You just get used to it and learn to live with it I guess. Depends what "it" we're referring to obviously because certain things can get better. Levels of pay for instance. And I suppose experience makes one more accepting, more 'seen it all before/been there done that' But no, I think at the deep and personal level there is no escape.

I reckon if you have that bleakness that hangs around your neck and haunts your daily existence then you're stuck with it and only ever learn to mitigate and live with it. It never goes away. There'll be times where you lose it for a bit (those can be good days) and you can maybe kid yourself that all is rosey but make no mistake, it will return. It is always in wait. For me, it's my default position. True happiness is only ever fleeting, a temporary and elevated state.

From your overall experience, if you were to estimate the percentage of the average person in society, also feeling a similar way (such as life is exhausting, secretly would rather die, but mainly continuing to live just because it's not easy to suicide), what would that percentage be?

For example, out of 100 people, what percent of people would you put in this category?

Since most people who feel this way, usually just keep it to themselves, so it always remain a mystery. Most people just seem happy most of the time, at least on the surface level

 

[shaucro]

Since most people who feel this way, usually just keep it to themselves, so it always remain a mystery. Most people just seem happy most of the time, at least on the surface level

You ask a really good question.

I agree with you, most people seem superficially happy so I think it's impossible to know just how many people are unhappy to the point of being suicidal. Of course, it's a matter of balance too. Most people have bad days, and many people have, and/or will, consider 'ending it all'. Tbh, it surprises me that more people don't but that's another issue - our willingess and ability to suffer and endure.

I genuinely don't think most people are happy in their lifes (their jobs lack fulfillment, their lifes are repetitive grind) but they are happy enough for enough of the time. And, of course, they see no alternative.

People like me who see no escape from the bleakness do perhaps stay quiet (we're no fun at parties!) but I suspect what we feel is common enough. Perhaps we just respond differently?

 

[ChildrensITV]

yes. if I knew I would be middle-aged and still suffering, I would have done it decades ago. People would be over it by now.