Help Does having a partner make life easier?

[counterstrikeglobal]

when i was younger I never had problems talking to people but over time ive talked less and less and since freshman year of highschool I didnt talk to anyone. not to say that I didnt respond to people or teachers when they asked me a question but it was common for me to go days without talking. I think it ruined me, and now Im incredibly socially inept to the point I cant even look people in the eyes. Ive gotten used to being alone but it hasnt helped with my SI. should I try to pursue a relationship if it has helped people with SI before? I dont know if this sounds dumb. im sorry if it is.

 

[daruino]

That doesn't sound dumb. But I don't think you should want to pursue a relationship simply to overcome wishes to ctb (if I understood correctly?). Being in a relationship comes with a bunch of difficulties, it doesn't necessarily make life easier. Also I don't think it is fair to make the other person responsible for your life. It also isn't secure, because if you were ever to break up(which is likely), you wouldn't have anything to live for anymore. I think if you want to truly overcome SI it should come from within you.

 

[suacide]

I think if you're in a bad place, it makes things much, much harder. Relationships come with responsibility, trying to understand yourself and someone else and a lot of the time getting into one might feel nice at first but it's basically a bandaid solution that'll give you some horrible experiences down the road - simply put, because you weren't ready and just wanted to feel better, sooner.

Not to mention, when you don't respect or love yourself, people make terrible decisions on who their partners can be without even realising it… A relationship can't fix anyone and most people glamourise those first moments of getting all the attention, not the long term. And probably worst of all, if you get into a relationship with the hopes that it'll stop you from wanting to die - imagine the pressure for your partner. That if this relationship doesn't work out, they'd be responsible for your death without even knowing. My ex did that to me and instead of being honest, I sat through an abusive relationship for basically five years because I was so scared she'd kill herself without me.

 

[Alice.]

im with someone right now and as much as i love them i can say it makes fucking nothing easier. i feel like shit all the time

 

[counterstrikeglobal]

That doesn't sound dumb. But I don't think you should want to pursue a relationship simply to overcome wishes to ctb (if I understood correctly?). Being in a relationship comes with a bunch of difficulties, it doesn't necessarily make life easier. Also I don't think it is fair to make the other person responsible for your life. It also isn't secure, because if you were ever to break up(which is likely), you wouldn't have anything to live for anymore. I think if you want to truly overcome SI it should come from within you.

Thinking about it with that perspective makes a lot of sense. I just dont want to be alone anymore i hate it having to wake up and go through the monotony of daily life knowing that there is no one in my life who i could share my day with and ask about their day. all my life i have been considered broken goods and no one cared to ask how i was doing. my parents sent me to a php in senior year, and when I was released no one even asked where i went. i felt invisible and i just want someone to love me for who i am so maybe i do need to work on myself before going in that direction but it seems like deep isolation is the crux of my problem and i want to be fixed and happy and share my feelings with someone who cares. i dont know if its against the rules to ramble or respond to your post like this so im sorry if i broke any rules.

 

[daruino]

Thinking about it with that perspective makes a lot of sense. I just dont want to be alone anymore i hate it having to wake up and go through the monotony of daily life knowing that there is no one in my life who i could share my day with and ask about their day. all my life i have been considered broken goods and no one cared to ask how i was doing. my parents sent me to a php in senior year, and when I was released no one even asked where i went. i felt invisible and i just want someone to love me for who i am so maybe i do need to work on myself before going in that direction but it seems like deep isolation is the crux of my problem and i want to be fixed and happy and share my feelings with someone who cares. i dont know if its against the rules to ramble or respond to your post like this so im sorry if i broke any rules.

Oh goodness, your response really resonated with me. And you didn't do anything against the rules haha. You can talk about anything.
I also recognize the deep isolation and invisibility. I hate being in public places or at school because it's a constant reminder. It seems very difficult to get out of it, I don't know how I'm gonna do it either. I wish you the best