Discussion Does existential nihilism effect your CTB decision?

[PersonBeforeLife]

As someone as an atheist agnostic myself who leans more atheist and life has no meaning and I see myself as nothing but a clever biped or machine that thinks it's alive simply because wiring in my brain works, it definitely maybe makes suicide easier because nothing matters. Life I see as nothing but a conveyor belt to the grave with it debatable if the effort to make the journey more enjoyable is worth it.

 

[Suwakoto]

Not personally. I wasn't raised religiously and still am not religious, but societal structure is "real enough" where it matters and it alone can provide a purpose to living. For example when I was working, getting shit done that's urgent to my department, then earning money that would (sooner or later) go to my family or to someone/something else important, drove me to live. Conversely that makes me want to die because, I wasn't able to hold that job, so I see myself as a net negative and feel net negative.

 

[Piero]

Im not a nihilist, but I am an atheist. Even though I don't think theres is an objective way of living or anything after life, I guess one of the only ways it effects me is wanting to live long enough to have children, as it is the best chance to live beyond death.
On your point on:" if the effort to make the journey more enjoyable is worth it."
I think, really, any rational calculation will tell someone to ctb as soon as possible as the pain of the journey is more frequent than the enjoyableness of it.

 

[PersonBeforeLife]

Not personally. I wasn't raised religiously and still am not religious, but societal structure is "real enough" where it matters and it alone can provide a purpose to living. For example when I was working, getting shit done that's urgent to my department, then earning money that would (sooner or later) go to my family or to someone else important, drove me to live. Conversely that makes me want to die because, I wasn't able to hold that job, so I see myself as a net negative and feel net negative.

What would you say to someone you loved who felt the same way as you and you earned enough?

My psychiatrist got me with this question... "Would you say someone else who went through what you did is a parasite that should be destroyed?" (Economics enthusiast activate ) "People's lives are like fiat currency... Their life has value because they believe it does so I can't judge or calculate the value of someone else's life even if they are identical to mine"

 

[Suwakoto]

What would you say to someone you loved who felt the same way as you and you earned enough?

A "successful" romantic relationship is a give-and-take. As long as us two are together, we can support each other in different ways that the other partner can't on their own, and it doesn't necessarily have to do with money. The same thing can happen with family, close platonic friends, etc., to different extents.

In my case, I haven't "provided in different non-money ways" to those I was close with (yet), i.e., I have been taking and not giving. Thus I resort to money as it's the most objective way to do so. NGL it's also nice to see my bank/retirement account numbers go up literally for the sake of the number going up.

So if I loved somebody who was like me the circumstances are different, money isn't the only way to become a net positive. I would fall madly in love since finding a girl who thinks the same way about saving and investing is rare, that's enough to live. At the minimum the money could just go to our parents/children/siblings or to a cause we liked.

If my partner believed money was the only way to become a positive, from my point of view it's false by definition of love and "successful relationship". And they experienced things I can't and know things I don't, so like your psychiartrist said it's difficult to value.

 

[PersonBeforeLife]

A "successful" romantic relationship is a give-and-take. As long as us two are together, we can support each other in different ways that the other partner can't on their own, and it doesn't necessarily have to do with money. The same thing can happen with family, close platonic friends, etc., to different extents.

In my case, I haven't "provided in different non-money ways" to those I was close with (yet), i.e., I have been taking and not giving. Thus I resort to money as it's the most objective way to do so. NGL it's also nice to see my bank/retirement account numbers go up literally for the sake of the number going up.

So if I loved somebody who was like me the circumstances are different, money isn't the only way to become a net positive. I would fall madly in love since finding a girl who thinks the same way about saving and investing is rare. At the minimum the money could just go to our parents or to a cause we liked.

Is romantic isolation also a reason for you being here?

 

[3rdworldsadness]

No it never effected my suicidal ideation, as my suicidal ideation comes from life hardship, no opportunities and trapped in a vile system and society rules. I never thought about religion or god that much as I don't care about it. And I don't follow any philosophy other than antinatalism.

 

[Suwakoto]

Is romantic isolation also a reason for you being here?

Yeah. There was a woman coworker I had a massive crush on, seeing and interacting with her made the "I only live for money" mentality go away. She was married though and quit before I got fired.

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

No it's purely motivated by the circumstances I find myself in, whatever the reasons might be.
Being unable to function despite being smart, unable to find love or lasting friendships due to my emotional inadequacies, having my trust abused so many times and expecting that will continue down the road and some other things that make my existence just not joyful at all.
The effort is not worth what I'm getting out of it and it hasn't been for basically a decade now, although I was able to cope with it and function on a basic level much better during the majority of that time. That being said, instead of improving my life situation and ability to cope and function just deteriorates more and more. I'm too exhausted and depressed about it to do it much longer. I'm gonna use the last tiny bit of hope I have left to make one final effort to turn things around, give this my everything, but if the constant feeling of every task and chore being exhausting and the results don't change during that final push, I'm done. I simply can't keep this up much longer because the suffering just outweighs the benefit more and more and has for a long time now.

 

[PersonBeforeLife]

No it's purely motivated by the circumstances I find myself in, whatever the reasons might be.
Being unable to function despite being smart, unable to find love or lasting friendships due to my emotional inadequacies, having my trust abused so many times and expecting that will continue down the road and some other things that make my existence just not joyful at all.
The effort is not worth what I'm getting out of it and it hasn't been for basically a decade now, although I was able to cope with it and function on a basic level much better during the majority of that time. That being said, instead of improving my life situation and ability to cope and function just deteriorates more and more. I'm too exhausted and depressed about it to do it much longer. I'm gonna use the last tiny bit of hope I have left to make one final effort to turn things around, give this my everything, but if the constant feeling of every task and chore being exhausting and the results don't change during that final push, I'm done. I simply can't keep this up much longer because the suffering just outweighs the benefit more and more and has for a long time now.

Yeah I'm kinda in the same boat. Basically on my way out looking for closure to move on from this life.

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

Yeah I'm kinda in the same boat. Basically on my way out looking for closure to move on from this life.

Well closure yes, as for moving on I doubt there is something like that. Being an agnostic leaning towards atheism myself I don't think there will be any of that happening. Just cessation of consciousness and existence. Still feels weird thinking about it since these are all any of us has ever known. Thankfully I still have some time to make my peace with that.