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madbananas

Wizard
Apr 29, 2020
620
I had a member telling me on pm they were basically on their way out, I didn't see this message until hours later. After my own personal investigation they have been online since this message Which made their message seem like they hadn't done it despite them saying they were when they obviously weren't. Now, don't get me wrong, I can appreciate when someone wants to out because I've been there but they said to me in pm they were offing it but then they were interacting later to other posts. Now I'm lost as to what I do. This person has been online since. Ugh maybe I shouldn't be on this site because this pm had me shook. Like they told me what they'd done but minutes later were posting. I'm stuck.
 
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TowerUpright

TowerUpright

Disillusioned
May 26, 2019
602
To answer your question, no. At least in the US.

Not unless you were cheering them on, encouraging them, and/or sending them CTB materials. Which you weren't.
 
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M

madbananas

Wizard
Apr 29, 2020
620
To answer your question, no. At least in the US.

Not unless you were cheering them on, encouraging them, and/or sending them CTB materials. Which you weren't.
Thank you. I definitely wasn't. I'm UK but this person told me they were doing it but it turns out they were posting afterwards which made what they said to me impossible. And then was active on this site hours later
Thank you. I definitely wasn't. I'm UK but this person told me they were doing it but it turns out they were posting afterwards which made what they said to me impossible. And then was active on this site hours later
And like I said I didn't see this message until hours later
 
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A

Aap

Enlightened
Apr 26, 2020
1,856
I guess the question would be why are you here? Also, are you asking from a legal or moral sense?
 
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D

Darksektori

Experienced
Jun 8, 2020
237
I had a member telling me on pm they were basically on their way out, I didn't see this message until hours later. After my own personal investigation they have been online since this message Which made their message seem like they hadn't done it despite them saying they were when they obviously weren't. Now, don't get me wrong, I can appreciate when someone wants to out because I've been there but they said to me in pm they were offing it but then they were interacting later to other posts. Now I'm lost as to what I do. This person has been online since. Ugh maybe I shouldn't be on this site because this pm had me shook. Like they told me what they'd done but minutes later were posting. I'm stuck.
If you feel uncomfortable being on this site then perhaps that's a good idea. No offense, but this site is definitely not for everyone.
 
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L

Living sucks

Forced out of life before I wanted to leave
Mar 27, 2020
3,143
Just don't respond and delete it. You can't control someone messaging you that out of the blue. You can use the ignore button and they can never message you again if you prefer that.

I guess the question would be why are you here? Also, are you asking from a legal or moral sense?
Why are you here? That feels like you're saying that she should expect pms describing someone's ctb? Can you clarify the question?
 
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DeathIsTheWayOut99

DeathIsTheWayOut99

Warlock
Jun 6, 2020
798
Maybe take some tome for yourself. Its good to take a break from the internet every now and then. I had to do that with a Facebook group I ended up leaving for the like the 6th time lol

As for this situation, its understandable for you to be feeling however you are. I dont know this individuals story, but maybe they really wanted help in the moment. I can relate as sometimes I feel suicidal and "done" but then I am "ok" later.
 
A

Aap

Enlightened
Apr 26, 2020
1,856
My question, not directed at you, was simple and shouldn't be colored by your personal interpretation. OP, why are you here? Are you asking in a legal or moral sense?
 
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L

Living sucks

Forced out of life before I wanted to leave
Mar 27, 2020
3,143
My question, not directed at you, was simple and shouldn't be colored by your personal interpretation. OP, why are you here? Are you asking in a legal or moral sense?
You're right! It's why i asked for clarity. And I had a similar experience as OP so perhaps I was responding from a personal view.
 
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GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
Jan 11, 2020
6,727
It sounds like you felt assaulted by this, and understandably so. I would report the message to the mods. That definitely wasn't safe or respectful behavior. I'd also put them on ignore to not be able to get any more messages from them.
 
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Soul

Soul

gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha
Apr 12, 2019
4,704
@madbananas, I feel unsure of what you're asking about, and whether your questions/ doubts are being addressed.

People frequently change their/our minds while approaching suicide, or something goes wrong and puts the attempt on hold. So seeing someone active on the forum after saying they're exiting. Sometimes some other person may find the account and use it to find out what this forum is.

Just being on the forum or receiving pm's wouldn't put you in any legal danger unless you're somehow actively encouraging or assisting someone else to commit suicide. Different states have different definitions of "encouraging or assisting", as do different EU countries. As far as I know, the laws that count are the laws in force where the suicide is committed.

We have good cautious mods, so making sure we abide by their rules can keep the forum and ourselves out of trouble.

If the content of the pm was troubling please use the "report" button.

Something tells me we're still not getting at all the nooks & crannies in your questions/doubts.
 
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SpottedPanda

SpottedPanda

I'm all about coffee and cigarettes
Jul 24, 2019
612
I highly doubt you'd get in any trouble for this. For one, unless that person revealed personal details to you, they are anonymous, as are you.

As long as you weren't actively encouraging it then it makes sense that you broke no UK law by reading the message.

After all, every fifth post seems to be a goodbye post on the forum.
 
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Quarky00

Quarky00

Enlightened
Dec 17, 2019
1,956
You were conversing with someone who told you they were planning to end their life (on a suicide site..) .

You then you saw them active , why not ask them what happened? Maybe they were suicidal and reached for help?

It would be hard to interact with people here without hearing about imminent death .

It really depends on the way , form , and context this was conveyed to you in the private messages , and it is understandable this can be distressing . We don't know anything about this (what they wrote to you , how long you've been talking , etc ) . First you ask about being a participant in suicide , which is a moral question . And then you repeatedly wonder why member told you that and what happened to them , which is a sign of distress . Lots of anxiety and worry .

You should take the time to figure out what actually happened and if you can cope .
 
Last edited:
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RileyTanaka

RileyTanaka

ill / failure
Mar 20, 2020
264
I'm noticing that you're repeatedly stating that the person was seen online after they said they were going to CTB. How is that affecting you? Like, does that make you feel confused? Worried? There are literally a million reasons why someone might show up online after they were intending to go. Maybe their plan went awry and they had to stop their attempt. Maybe they had a nasty bout with SI and had to stop. Maybe they did do it and someone is now checking out the site on their phone. You just can't know unless you ask them, but it's sounding like talking to them is probably making you feel more anxious now, which is understandable.

Having said this, this is a suicide related site so the question of legal, moral standing is going to come up repeatedly. If you're worried about being implicated in anyway, you have to figure out what your boundaries are in dealing with other users here. Maybe you want to chat, but not about methods. Maybe you don't want to PM with others at all. Maybe you keep certain standards for communication methods that are private. There are many ways to handle it.

There aren't many lawyers on this site who can advise you on the specific legal definition of assisted suicide, but from what I know, active encouragement is different than listening passively and suggesting nothing in the logistical ways to enact suicide.
 
D

Deleted member 1465

_
Jul 31, 2018
6,914
I think the advice to establish boundaries is good. It's what I do, so that I can be clear from a personal moral perspective that I'm behaving conscientiously and as safely as possible.
People do change their minds and return or continue posting. Might be worth asking them what happened and to assess if it is indeed the same person or another person on the same account.
If you are uncomfortable however, do use the block function and if you think rules have been broken, report.
The mods do pay attention and take these things seriously.
 

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