The only relief and comfort for me could ever lie in death, but sadly it isn't like one can choose to easily fall into an eternal and dreamless sleep, it's horrible to me how suicide is cruelly made so inaccessible even know existence causes nothing but suffering. For me existence is tiresome, dreadful and pointless. I don't see any value in existing as a conscious being just destined to decay and deteriorate in this hellish world filled with endless suffering, to have the ability to exist is so burdensome. The fact that humans choose to procreate in the first place is very tragic to me as the true problem lies in existence itself and only eternal nothingness could ever be a desirable state.
I suppose it's a matter of perspective on what you think the fundamental problems are, and what exactly can be done, if anything at all, to make said problems go away. On one hand, one could argue that all the problems in the world are created, and thus perpetuated by humans in an infinite cycle; then again, you could just as easily follow the submissive philosophy of fatalism and believe that everything is destined to happen for reasons beyond our comprehension. No matter which way you choose to look at the situation, life will forever remain like a jigsaw missing one or more pieces; nothing ever completes the story, no matter how much we as a species want to make sense of the world and everything around us.
I would recommend these tracks - King James, Welcome to Bucketheadland, Soothsayer, Pumpkin Pike 2
I appreciate the suggestions and will get to them in time. Thank you for contributing to the discussion.
Having crushes. Loving things or people, real or fictional. I have so much to give, so many emotions and love all the time, and this is the relief for it. Just experiencing love is cathartic in in itself, but much better when there's someone to receive it.
I think, the moment I start to feel like there's no love left in me, I will CTB without a second thought. This is the meaning of my life, always has been.
I find your take to be fascinating, primarily because of a conversation that I had with someone else a while back. In terms of the dynamic of love, said individual and I posited the idea that relationships always have an innate imbalance in them. Regardless of whether or not you agree or disagree, I feel that you might want to answer the question I have based on your own reply. Hypothetically speaking, if you were presented with the choice of being the giver in said hypothetical relationship, thus being the person who gave more love and received less, or the choice of being the person to receive more love and give less, thus being the taker, which would you choose?
Accomplishments help a lot, even small ones. When I do something that other people struggle with or can't do, I ride that high for a while.
What's the threshold for a small achievement? For you personally, that is.
Fair enough I guess. I can't really dispute any of that. My family doesn't socialise much either though part of it is my fault due to my autism screwing me over. All I do all day when I'm at home is stay in my room all day and then go downstairs to eat without socialising and then I just rot in my room again once I finished eating
I really wish I can leave right now but the reason why I'm still here isn't because I'm attached to anybody or life itself here but rather because of how my opportunities to actually commit a successful suicide attempt is silm to none. For one, I live with family and I can't go outside unless if I have a reason to and I don't really have any excuses I could make to secretly do a suicide attempt. My family is strict and won't let me go outside without a good reason to.
Additionally, I'm actually too weak to do a suicidal attempt in the first place. Part of the reason why I'm suicidal in the first place is because I don't want to do or experience anything at all and that's only possible through death. I don't want to put in any effort into anything and, well, suicide requires a lot of effort. Also, because I'm weak, I can't overcome SI when it comes down to risky methods so I'm forced to stay alive. Lastly, there aren't really many places near me which I can use to kill myself and I can't travel far either because of parents. All in all, I'm not staying alive because I like life or have any attachment to anybody but because I can't kill myself due to how hard suicide methods currently are in addition to me being too weak anyway. If it was easy for me to get N, I'd be gone in a heartbeat
Communication comes in a variety of different forms now. Some parents don't wish to engage with their children through non-traditional means; meeting parents who would rather text their children instead of speaking to them is rare, and actively engaging in activities that children find enjoyable, even for the sake of breaking down a communication barrier, such as playing games, is also oftentimes out of the question. I'm not here to apply blame to anyone, but people make decisions, and decisions have consequences.
Does your family have a good reason to be strict? Religion, obsession with family image, anything of that style?
In terms of being weak per se, what exactly are you referring to?
It's not an anime, but above all the shows I can think of, it would be Daria.
For animes, it would be Last Exile.
I believe there's always a new thing to discover.
I've never heard of the show, but I might look into it. Thank you for sharing what gives you your escpae, even if it is only temporary.
After looking up Last Exile, I might actually give it a watch based on what little I read.
That's certainly one way of looking at things.
