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Why Me?

Experienced
Apr 5, 2022
270
I don't want to say what I did, but it backfired, and made my situation worse. I did it to give myself some relief from the PTSD, depression, and anger I've been in. I know I would have not made such a risky dumb decision if I wasn't in so much torment, so I can't be mad at myself, but it messed up the only hope that I had left. Now I may be forced to CTB in a brutal way, very soon, in like 1 month. I've had the worse luck ever, it's like I've been born to suffer and watch evil people get their way, and never have the upper hand, not even a pathetic upper hand that won't really make a difference. I'm tired of fighting as a loser.
 
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whywere

Illuminated
Jun 26, 2020
3,388
Let me 1st start off by saying that you are NOT EVER a loser, EVER. I have massive depression, BPD, heck everything, and I am always around if you want someone to talk with.

I 100% do not want to sound snotty at all, but with over 66 years on this planet, I have been through the washing machine of life a lot.

Sending you lots of love, huge hugs, kindness and the knowledge that you are VERY IMPORTANT, and this world is so much better with you here and you also help me by being a good friend, with me knowing that I have friends in this world, since I have zero family nor friends, YOU are important to/for me.

Walter
 
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assasmash

assasmash

Member
Jan 23, 2023
8
I do that to myself fairly often. Just recently some of my grand [life improvement] plans have went sideways and I may have painted myself into a really crappy corner. It is likely that my life will be worse long-term because of this. Acute humiliation guaranteed, that of which I am already up to my neck into. But then again it wasn't a total loss - at least I have not lost alone. My competitors also did not win, though they didn't lose as big as I did.

Maybe next time not so big a loss, maybe next time only partial humiliation? That's almost a win.
 
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