Does anyone want to die before they get older

[abcz]

My birthday is in a while but I've always been resisting getting older and have just come to the realisation that I will never be a child again. I literally get annoyed when I play a game with 15 year olds because they are younger than me and I can't be that age. I was born at almost 3 in the morning and was thinking that around midnight to 1 am would be a good time to ctb.

The other issue I have is I don't want to be found not do I want to hurt others and I feel I would regardless of how I do so. I just want my family to be safe and forget about me tbh. I don't want them to suffer because of me. Is there any way for the people you care about to forget you exist when you die?

 

[Zegers]

Aging is so unnecesary.

 

[abcz]

I wish I could go back to 3rd grade or if O can't go back that far, 5th or 6th grade tbh. Although I mighta already been depressed by then. I blame moving then and even after I moved back in 9th grade, I still miss living there the first time.
Like even when I'm not like actively wanting to die, I still want to prevent myself from getting older tbh.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

but I've always been resisting getting older and have just come to the realisation that I will never be a child again.

Sums up my whole life I will never accept my age and it only becomes worse by every passing year and I think about how much I miss being a child every single day childhood was heaven on earth and I will never experience those wonderful, magical, fun and blissful times ever again.

 

[suchaprettygard3n]

for sure. genuinely cant see myself getting past 25 at the absolute most.

 

[sserafim]

My birthday is in a while but I've always been resisting getting older and have just come to the realisation that I will never be a child again. I literally get annoyed when I play a game with 15 year olds because they are younger than me and I can't be that age. I was born at almost 3 in the morning and was thinking that around midnight to 1 am would be a good time to ctb.

The other issue I have is I don't want to be found not do I want to hurt others and I feel I would regardless of how I do so. I just want my family to be safe and forget about me tbh. I don't want them to suffer because of me. Is there any way for the people you care about to forget you exist when you die?

Yes this is my motivation to die tbh. I want to ctb before I get any older. I don't want my next birthday to come. I was planning to die before this past birthday but didn't get around to it. I never even wanted to live past 18 anyways, and I will forever be 23

 

[TheGoodGuy]

and I will forever be 23

Not sure if you mean it the way I interpret it but I always wanted to die young like if you died at 23 you´d forever be 23 like being frozen in time and that is how people will remember you. I wish I had ctb in my teens then people would´ve remembered me as the cool person I was with many friends now I ruined that by existing for so many years being less and less of who I really was by every year I practically have no emotions, I don´t laugh, don´t have any hopes and dreams or passion for my looks anymore and all of these things I had as a teenager that would have been it to be remembered like I was back then not this empty shell of the person I once was I want to be frozen in time at no older than 18 preferable 15-16 I should really have killed myself when I was younger...

 

[sserafim]

for sure. genuinely cant see myself getting past 25 at the absolute most.

Me neither! I don't see a future for myself after 25, in fact I never saw one. I never even thought I would live to become an adult

Not sure if you mean it the way I interpret it but I always wanted to die young like if you died at 23 you´d forever be 23 like being frozen in time and that is how people will remember you. I wish I had ctb in my teens then people would´ve remembered me as the cool person I was with many friends now I ruined that by existing for so many years being less and less of who I really was by every year I practically have no emotions, I don´t laugh, don´t have any hopes and dreams or passion for my looks anymore and all of these things I had as a teenager that would have been it to be remembered like I was back then not this empty shell of the person I once was I want to be frozen in time at no older than 18 preferable 15-16 I should really have killed myself when I was younger...

Same, I've always wanted to die young, and I will. I never took any action so I ended up 18 and 23, but this time I will take action so I'm frozen in time at 23. I will ctb. And honestly, I wish I ctb'ed in high school instead so people remembered me that way. I was much happier back then, people even voted me as "nicest person in the grade". They would be shocked at my current state right now.

I never even thought I would live to 18, and I should have ctb before then. A guy from my high school ctb'ed and he's forever remembered young in the eyes of others. He's lucky that he never had to adult or enter the real world, or get a job and make his own living. Honestly I should have ctb earlier as well.

 

[Done_Surviving]

I sometimes kinda age regress when I'm alone, not in any innapropiate way, I just take some legos and other toys I collect and start playing pretend. I don't quite actually regress to the mentality of a child, hell I even use some swear words when giving my characters voices, something I certanly never did as a child. But playing pretend and sitting on the floor with my toys helps me to feel the joy and tranquillity I should've felt when I was little. For a moment I manage to forget that I'm an adult and all the responsabilities that come with my age, and I manage to forget the fact that there are many years to come, that I'm supposed to live and work for the future and whathever other bs everyone says.

I share this because maybe it may help you get your mind off your birthday. I know that age regression is considered wierd because of how sexualized it is, and I agree that is fucking creepy. But when you do it as a coping mechanism it can be a nice way to relive stress. Like I said you don't have to go on full child-like mentality and speak with a baby voice or stop using full coherent sentence, to me that is actually borderline creepy as well; but just engaging in activity you used to enjoy as a child and remind you of simpler times, like watching your favorite cartoons, eating your childhood's favorite candy or going to the park and using the swings is a big help.

Any ways I just share this with you because I totally understand you, I hate my birthday, and everytime it comes I just spend the day wondering if it is even worth it to continue living on another painful year, But I hope this helps you in some way.

 

[sserafim]

Aging is so unnecesary.

Ikr! I wish we never had to age and could just stay frozen in time. I don't want to get any older, and I never did

 

[Duochrome-Seahorse]

i would've loved to try and start over again at 19, but now im tryna not make it to 30 because the thought of my body slowly rotting/getting weaker scares me

 

[girlwithflaxenhair0]

i wish i could go back to like middle school or beginning of high school. i'm terrified of getting older. I still feel like a teenager. the thought that i can never be a kid again and instead i'm just going to keep getting older is just scary and depressing to me

 

[Ashe]

To be honest I thought I would of CTB'd a loooong time ago but im getting progressively closer to 30 every passing day and wondering if my early 30's is gonna be it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally believe the less time spent suffering in this futile existence that leads to one ceasing to exist anyway the better. There is no point to existing and 22 years is way more than enough, it fills me with dread and disturbs me the thought of ageing, I believe it's irrational to desire that. Only nothingness is perfection to me, there is no value to this cruel and harmful existence that is all meaningless anyway.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Same, I've always wanted to die young, and I will. I never took any action so I ended up 18 and 23, but this time I will take action so I'm frozen in time at 23. I will ctb. And honestly, I wish I ctb'ed in high school instead so people remembered me that way. I was much happier back then, people even voted me as "nicest person in the grade". They would be shocked at my current state right now.

I never even thought I would live to 18, and I should have ctb before then. A guy from my high school ctb'ed and he's forever remembered young in the eyes of others. He's lucky that he never had to adult or enter the real world, or get a job and make his own living. Honestly I should have ctb earlier as well.

I have a couple people in my life who died young and I often think how lucky they were they got to experience a life full of momentum where you´re young and have to much physical and mental energy, hopes and dreams and just think about the next fun thing to do right away they never got to experience a life full of responsibility and have life slow down on them not to mention seeing your looks deteriorating you look yourself in the mirror with somewhat unchanged eyes looking back at a face you don´t even recognize as yourself anymore...

 

[hopelessgirl]

Yes. I'm 30 and that's enough for me

 

[finalkarma]

I literally get annoyed when I play a game with 15 year olds because they are younger than me and I can't be that age.

omg i feel this so much, one time i saw a video on youtube that was titled "freshman year grwm!!" and felt so jealous ://

 

[SpencerSees]

I feel like with every second I'm alive I just get older and older. Further and further away from the only state I was okay in. I feel like I never grew older than 13, but my body keeps growing, getting older. Uncomfortable.

 

[sserafim]

I have a couple people in my life who died young and I often think how lucky they were they got to experience a life full of momentum where you´re young and have to much physical and mental energy, hopes and dreams and just think about the next fun thing to do right away they never got to experience a life full of responsibility and have life slow down on them not to mention seeing your looks deteriorating you look yourself in the mirror with somewhat unchanged eyes looking back at a face you don´t even recognize as yourself anymore...

Same! They're lucky that they're didn't have to experience the cruel, harsh, reality of life. They're lucky that they never had to have any responsibility or obligations, they could just simply live their lives. I wish I could go back 10 years and re-live my life…I wish I didn't have to get older or grow up. Adulthood is literally a scam, you'll end up working and slaving your life away, only to eventually die at the end as well. This is literally modern day slavery, and I don't see the point in becoming an adult when childhood was the golden age and golden years. Ugh I wish I could be a kid again I miss having freedom from things, as well as no responsibility. They could simply live their lives without a worry or a care. I hate the fact that you're chained down by responsibility during adulthood, and you basically have no freedom.

The thing I hate the most though is the pipeline from childhood to adulthood, as well as the pipeline from college to the real world. Most children look forward to becoming adults without knowing the reality of what it entails. They see adulthood through rose-tinted glasses, and they're not made aware of the reality of being an adult. I never even wanted to grow up or become an adult in the first place, but I hate the fact that I wasn't prepared either for what adulthood truly means: being a wageslave to capitalism and having to work for a living.

I hate the fact that after college, we're just expected to work away our lives and make our own living. I wish I could have stayed in college forever. I hate the fact that I have to work to live and make money

 

[never mind me]

At the moment I feel relatively happy, so right now I have no desire to ctb. But I hope that I have the courage to ctb before I grow too old and frail. I'm really worried about being so old that I can't properly move around anymore and not do sports any more, because I think I will lose my mind completely when this happens. Plus I'm really worried about getting Alzheimers disease as both my grandmother and my father had it. So hopefully I manage to kill myself before I can get it. However, I don't wish to be a child again, but that's probably because my childhood was not happy. So for me being a child means being at the mercy of other people. I don't want to be back to this state.
However, going back to college instead of working sounds good, because I had more time for travelling back then. Although I'm not sure, if I would really enjoy this or if I would be bored, if I were a student forever. Especially given the fact that with sky-high inflation I would probably not live as well as I did back then with little money.

 

[Old Friend]

Partner doesn't want kids ever and for me, middle age is for mums & dads whilst old age is for grandmothers and grandads. Even if I could find someone else who was interested, and dating is a jungle these days, I'm not sure I want to bring kids into this world anymore. It seems to be going to hell in a handcart.

 

[AlouA]

My birthday is in a while but I've always been resisting getting older and have just come to the realisation that I will never be a child again. I literally get annoyed when I play a game with 15 year olds because they are younger than me and I can't be that age. I was born at almost 3 in the morning and was thinking that around midnight to 1 am would be a good time to ctb.

The other issue I have is I don't want to be found not do I want to hurt others and I feel I would regardless of how I do so. I just want my family to be safe and forget about me tbh. I don't want them to suffer because of me. Is there any way for the people you care about to forget you exist when you die?

you're not alone on thinking like that... I honestly don't wanna grow old and see all my loved ones pass away before me, I'd rather i pass peacefully at a younger age than to suffer the circumstances of being old

 

[abcz]

you're not alone on thinking like that... I honestly don't wanna grow old and see all my loved ones pass away before me, I'd rather i pass peacefully at a younger age than to suffer the circumstances of being old

Although with what someone said about parents and grandparents, I feel that that is how parents feel as well, not wanting their children to die before them, even when the deaths each of us think about are different.

And I feel that if I did lose someone close to me who was important to me, I think that I would have no reason to live after that. I've often thought in the past that I only exist for others' destinies, and the only time I really feel truly good about myself is when I help others. But a lot of time I can't help them, and then just feel guilty for what I have, like when they comment about my family being well off, and then won't take money that I am trying to give them.

I wish everything was easier tbh. But it's not.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Most children look forward to becoming adults without knowing the reality of what it entails. They see adulthood through rose-tinted glasses, and they're not made aware of the reality of being an adult.

This is so true I remember at 13 wanting to be an adult so much which meant to be 18 so I could drive a car and have the freedom to do what I want like eating junkfood and candy every day but I never knew what it really meant to be an adult I should just have been told that no matter what dreams I had I most likely end up working at a boring job I don´t like so you better enjoy every second of your childhood and teenage years because once you enter the reality of adulthood it´s all over!

 

[abcz]

This is so true I remember at 13 wanting to be an adult so much which meant to be 18 so I could drive a car and have the freedom to do what I want like eating junkfood and candy every day but I never knew what it really meant to be an adult I should just have been told that no matter what dreams I had I most likely end up working at a boring job I don´t like so you better enjoy every second of your childhood and teenage years because once you enter the reality of adulthood it´s all over!

I think for me, my puberty happened around age 13. And before this, I had always been a tomboy, wanting to hang out with my brother's friends(he is two years younger than me), and the only difference between being a boy or a girl was whether or not you had a penis or a vagina. And as such, I used to like stand over the toilet facing the seat but like in the middle to pee standing up, just like they were able to.

I still have really not accepted this part about myself. I tried to hide my period from my mom, who found out when she was doing laundry. I also wanted to cut my breasts off because they seemed annoying and inconvenient. Even the hair growing in my pubic area was something I didn't like as I had always thought of it as a mini butt, and now it no longer looked like that. It would never be the same.

And while I think yes that women can be just as good as men, biologically, I think that women are inferior and that the reason there are stereotypes against women is because of female bodies. As they mostly exist to make children and are inconvenient for anything else. It is one of those things that I'd never see someone else as worse for it, I just see myself as worse for it.

If I had always been a child, I would never have had to experience this. I woulda thought I was just like any other kid. As i really was.

And I still don't know how I should identify as I feel that really being a child would fix all of my problems, things that wouldn't be fixed by being trans or non-binary. Although as much as this is, I don't want to be a woman and refuse to identify as that either. If child was a gender, that is who I would be, and I would force my body to go back in time 8 years. Back when gender didn't matter. I was just a kid and could pass as either. When neither seemed that bad back then.
Also I am sorry if this insults anyone who is trans or is proud of their body and if it does insult someone, please take this comment down.

 

[Gonnerr]

Life expectancy should be at 40, what's the point of living old , not a lot of people in my circle of friend , family enjoy it. They almost all tell me , aging and getting old is hard.

Im 43 and really dont want to reach 50. I don't know how some people manage to get to 100. Maybe dna and good luck in all aspect of life.

 

[Zegers]

magical

It felt like there was some magic in the air, didn't it? all that faded away and gave way to nothingness.

 

[viljalauss]

definitely can't see myself go past 30, at the absolute most. most immediately, past 21 (i'm 20 now). i don't wanna hear my age celebrated with my deadname. i nearly cried last time. sometimes i wonder how far i'd go if born the right gender, but also i'm past wondering. 30 is the age i mentioned cause that's the pact suicideboys made, but my music is never gonna have an impact like that of them did. i will point people towards my music when i ctb, but with no obligation. i mostly made it for myself to get through, but that function will also hopefully soon cease. i have no need to make a mark upon the world, i will just hope something resonated with someone and if it does then i hope them the best. that's all.

 

[Zegers]

They see adulthood through rose-tinted glasses

There are adults who are fine and children who are not. Circumstances and DNA play a key role in this.

 

[sserafim]

Life expectancy should be at 40, what's the point of living old , not a lot of people in my circle of friend , family enjoy it. They almost all tell me , aging and getting old is hard.

Im 43 and really dont want to reach 50. I don't know how some people manage to get to 100. Maybe dna and good luck in all aspect of life.

Ikr! There's literally no point in getting old. You'll just decay and wither away until you die. And there are hardships as well. The older you get, the more ailments and physical conditions you have, and your health declines

There are adults who are fine and children who are not. Circumstances and DNA play a key role in this.

I'm just saying that most children & people look forward to growing up. Most people had a dream job and career ever since they were young, and they wanted to become adults and enter the real world and finally have "independence"

And yeah that's true, but that wasn't my point…but I agree circumstances and DNA play a role in everything