Venting Does anyone wanna ctb because they ruined their life?

[ultrasharpy123456]

I dropped out of community college because I didn't know what I was doing and was afraid to ask for help (plus getting the materials was gonna be expensive). So I don't have a degree. I dropped out of college in 2014. And now after this whole while I still haven't gone to school. I also never got a job once except at an internship at the college but that's besides the point.

So I'm 27 and I don't know what to do for my life. My mom's gonna send me and my bro to online college. So how about any of you? What are the situations that make you want to ctb?

 

[MrBrownUpsideD]

More or less in the same boat. Not looking forward to anything in life is more the reason than feeling like a failure personally. Responsibilities, am I right?

 

[painofzed]

I went to school, got a job, have a good paying job even. But I also have so much debt it doesn't even matter, you didn't ruin your life my friend. Those in power decided your life was going to be ruined before you were ever born.

 

[Rocinante]

Online college too
wasted my life from 18 to 24(present day) doing absolutely nothing with my life because I became depressed and wanted to isolate myself from the world. Everyday I feel more and more guilty over not having done anything with my life thus far. I will have to spend the next 4 years in school, while all of my peers have a decade "head start". Of the jobs I've had, I quit them within months.
I almost want to drop everything and return to LDARing until I die.

 

[bunn1bel]

Online college too
wasted my life from 18 to 24(present day) doing absolutely nothing with my life because I became depressed and wanted to isolate myself from the world. Everyday I feel more and more guilty over not having done anything with my life thus far. I will have to spend the next 4 years in school, while all of my peers have a decade "head start". Of the jobs I've had, I quit them within months.
I almost want to drop everything and return to LDARing until I die.

What is LDARing?
I'm also similar to you in that I see often on social media the people I grew up and went to school with going onto grad school, careers, their own places, lots of new friends and even some marriages.. and I feel like shit cuz I dropped out of college in my 2nd semester (technically kicked out because I was placed on medical leave for depression) and ever since then my life has been a cycle of self harm and suicidal ideation. I never saw myself living past 25, it's just a mental roadblock in the way.

 

[Rocinante]

What is LDARing?

Lay down and rot

I'm also similar to you in that I see often on social media the people I grew up and went to school with going onto grad school, careers, their own places, lots of new friends and even some marriages.. and I feel like shit cuz I dropped out of college in my 2nd semester (technically kicked out because I was placed on medical leave for depression) and ever since then my life has been a cycle of self harm and suicidal ideation. I never saw myself living past 25, it's just a mental roadblock in the way.

Yep, it's why I deleted all socials. I couldn't deal with feeling lower that everyone else. I know what I need to do to improve myself but I'm not willing to put in the effort anymore. i honestly think I was destined to this life.

 

[bunn1bel]

Lay down and rot

Yep, it's why I deleted all socials. I couldn't deal with feeling lower that everyone else. I know what I need to do to improve myself but I'm not willing to put in the effort anymore. i honestly think I was destined to this life.

Lay down and rot… love that! That's quite literally what I'm doing!! 10 hours and counting, in and out of sleep… and I smell awful hahaha

I don't think I was ever meant to be here. Some people are just suited with the fundamentals of being able to live life and find purpose in it. I am just not one of those people. It all seems so disinteresting and like too much effort for something I don't even care about. Idk I'm tired and exhausted just thinking of the prospect of living. But 'LDARing' (srsly, love it) is just no way to live with this giant void in my heart.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

I dropped out of everything too, had no ambition, no drive, no idea what I wanted to do and at the slightest hint of stress thought "fuck that I can't do it" and quit everything I've ever done, terrible attitude and values I know. I just can't deal with anything and I always fell behind because I can't take in information. It's very easy to get lost and watch the years go by, and the more you let that happen the harder it is to climb out of the hole. I'm 35 and even if I woke-up with no depression tomorrow, I've still wasted 10+ years of my life which is depressing enough in itself. I can't explain what I've done the last 10 years except part-time minimum wage jobs, I've lived no life at all it's pathetic. What am I gonna do tell everyone I just woke-up from a decade long coma?!

I've had depression since my dad died but truth is it's always been there and without that as an excuse I'd probably still be exactly where I am today (although my dad might've given me a kick up the arse if he was still here) I have no initiative and need someone to tell me how to live life I'm that clueless and non-functioning.

Online college sounds like a good idea, if you can be motivated enough. You're still young enough to train for something you wanna do, do you have any idea?

 

[Rocinante]

Lay down and rot… love that! That's quite literally what I'm doing!! 10 hours and counting, in and out of sleep… and I smell awful hahaha

I don't think I was ever meant to be here. Some people are just suited with the fundamentals of being able to live life and find purpose in it. I am just not one of those people. It all seems so disinteresting and like too much effort for something I don't even care about. Idk I'm tired and exhausted just thinking of the prospect of living. But 'LDARing' (srsly, love it) is just no way to live with this giant void in my heart.

Yep. Most people will go their entire life's happy and content, not considering everything is null once their life concludes. I want to live a comfy and luxurious life, but it's too much effort when I can be doing nothing instead. I know the longer it continues the worse it will get for me, but in the end nothing matters.

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

I dropped out of everything too, had no ambition, no drive, no idea what I wanted to do and at the slightest hint of stress thought "fuck that I can't do it" and quit everything I've ever done, terrible attitude and values I know. I just can't deal with anything and I always fell behind because I can't take in information. It's very easy to get lost and watch the years go by, and the more you let that happen the harder it is to climb out of the hole. I'm 35 and even if I woke-up with no depression tomorrow, I've still wasted 10+ years of my life which is depressing enough in itself. I can't explain what I've done the last 10 years except part-time minimum wage jobs, I've lived no life at all it's pathetic. What am I gonna do tell everyone I just woke-up from a decade long coma?!

I've had depression since my dad died but truth is it's always been there and without that as an excuse I'd probably still be exactly where I am today (although my dad might've given me a kick up the arse if he was still here) I have no initiative and need someone to tell me how to live life I'm that clueless and non-functioning.

Online college sounds like a good idea, if you can be motivated enough. You're still young enough to train for something you wanna do, do you have any idea?

I'm thinking of doing UX design. But I'm not really sure what kind of jobs I can get with this. I assume most of the work is freelance.

 

[azurarcher]

Yeah, I too dropped out of college because of a similar reason. I felt too immature (was actually the only underage person in my group), the program I applied for was canceled and the language I applied for wasn't available. I ended up being a child among adults having to learn something Idgaf about in a foreign language, so I didn't know what I was supposed to do there. Ugh... I wish I died that year because that one fail complicated everything in my life

 

[nosoul]

I got straight as, a masters, got onto wall st, had an amazing trajectory, took a year off went manic at end of it, chased a crazy trumpet dream ruined my brain with dmt. Now filled with panic declining health, mid 40s. You still are young at least, so yeah I was my families hope. Now in their greatest tragedy.

With the guilt and regret I feel, bit also the damage to my health, I fucked up big time

 

[scamper]

"Because I ruined my life" would probably be my exact answer if someone asked me why I want to ctb. If I made better decisions earlier in life, I definitely could have lived a lot longer. I may have set myself up for failure in the future, but it's a future that I, thankfully, have the option to never see.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I wouldn't say because I ruined my life. However, due to my dysphoria I lost motivation to do anything so I ended up gaining a lot of weight. I guess the weight gain is a small factor to me wanting to CTB.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

I'm thinking of doing UX design. But I'm not really sure what kind of jobs I can get with this. I assume most of the work is freelance.

At least you have an idea what you want to do-sounds cool, you must be pretty creative. I bet you could really enjoy it and get something out of it.

 

[parader]

i'm not sure i'm the one who ruined my life but it sure feels like it
i absolutely cannot handle failure, not even on the most basic things, even if it's a blood test i'm so irrationally obsessed
when i was taking those cognitive tests for my diagnosis i would get so frustrated when i made some stupid little mistake
my psychologist had to remind me it was not a competition that i had to ace or something
and my only coping mechanism is drinking which makes it even worse
so whenever i have any university exams it's like my life depends on it because in my head it really does
so i don't take them, i just go home and feel shitty and worthless that i didn't even try
everything that i enjoy is instantly ruined when i try to make a career out of it because of this fear

 

[Riu]

Personally, I have pushed away all my friends because I cannot really understand myself, I guess? I don't know, I feel like no one really values me that much, so I stopped bothering them and they also stopped talking to me. I think that was a huge mistake, and with how bad I am at communicating, I don't think I'll be able to form any close relationships. I don't think I am bad at talking to people, it's not like I get that nervous, it's just I have a hard time expressing how I really feel, so I think I come off as cold and uncaring about anything to most people. This is one of the reasons I don't talk to people since they might get the wrong idea about me. Anyways, with other things caused by the way I am, I think I ruined the majority of my life so far.

 

[C:/]

I'm starting college soon and I am just going thru it tbh

I can barely focus on academics now and I am having ups and downs, but im gonna keep going. Majority of my problems is from a shitty living situation so once I'm out ill be able to get better

 

[loadedsubside]

I dropped out of community college because I didn't know what I was doing and was afraid to ask for help (plus getting the materials was gonna be expensive). So I don't have a degree. I dropped out of college in 2014. And now after this whole while I still haven't gone to school. I also never got a job once except at an internship at the college but that's besides the point.

So I'm 27 and I don't know what to do for my life. My mom's gonna send me and my bro to online college. So how about any of you? What are the situations that make you want to ctb?

I'm in a similar situation in the way but I'm in cc now. I've watched all my friends and family go ahead of me and leave me behind. From ivies to other great colleges, yet im the only one who ruined my life.

 

[00nobody00]

More or less. I have not really had a bad life ,but I feel I have underachieved big time. I feel like I have had talent my whole life but I have wasted it because I never really had direction. I have a lot of regrets and have always had a pretty self destructive negative mindset. I am in my mid 30's and basically had a exhistential crisis/life review 6 months ago which sent me down a dark path of contemplating suicide very seriously. I have been slowly getting better and coping. I need to stay alive for the few loved ones I have in my life, but I still really want to die because I just feel like I have let myself and everyone down in the one and only life I will ever live. I still have a few avenues I think I can explore to turn it around, and I am hoping I can find motivation to get there but I feel like the older I get from now on, the more windows of opportunities keep closing

 

[leap_from_life]

I ruined my life completely, few years of drug addiction then I quit school, lost my most beloved one, I'm in so much pain fuck

 

[Unattainable666]

I dropped out of community college because I didn't know what I was doing and was afraid to ask for help (plus getting the materials was gonna be expensive). So I don't have a degree. I dropped out of college in 2014. And now after this whole while I still haven't gone to school. I also never got a job once except at an internship at the college but that's besides the point.

So I'm 27 and I don't know what to do for my life. My mom's gonna send me and my bro to online college. So how about any of you? What are the situations that make you want to ctb?

Absolutely