Discussion Does anyone put on a mask of happiness?

[ManWithNoName]

This gal who took her life was someone who seemed very outgoing, yet it seems to me she was putting on act to cover up her true feelings.

 

[colcol]

we all wear masks to an extent

 

[faust]

This gal who took her life was someone who seemed very outgoing, yet it seems to me she was putting on act to cover up her true feelings.

In my mother tongue we have such an uncommon proverb: "The more person is laughing, the more pain they feel". I guess this is such a case. Btw right now met a German guy who offered me to hang out because he was there alone. I just had to say that I have to go home. Why should I pretend to be happy if I am not?

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I put on a mask of composure for the sake of others because they can't handle seeing the fear in me.
Happiness? Not for many years.

 

[hate_myself]

I live like that every single day, i dont know why but the only moment i can allow myself to feel the emotions i've had all day is when im alone in my room and everyone else is asleep.
Been doing this for 4 years, sleep, wake up, practice my smile in the mirror then go outside and do what I have to do.
While im in my room at night the abalanche of what i couldn't feel all day comes back, i cut to bleed it out, or research ways of killing myself.... it somehow calms me down knowing I can go into the void if it ever becomes unbearable.
Despite that i feel like im the funniest guy in the room, yet i feel no connection with the people around who are laughing.
It's one of the most hollow ways to live.

 

[Mr2005]

No I don't. I can't. I'm too honest and too depressed so I just avoid people. I don't really live and haven't for many years

 

[a.n.kirillov]

I guess it must be even harder if you 'have it all'. She seemed like an idealistic person AND a perfectionist which are two bad traits for living in this world. At least the parents seem to handle it quite well (not to commit the same fallacy of inference as they did with her daughter though).

 

[Nem]

No I don't. I can't. I'm too honest and too depressed so I just avoid people. I don't really live and haven't for many years

Same, existing isn't living. Smiling is near impossible as well, this sucks ass
Peace/hugs

 

[a.n.kirillov]

I live like that every single day, i dont know why but the only moment i can allow myself to feel the emotions i've had all day is when im alone in my room and everyone else is asleep.
Been doing this for 4 years, sleep, wake up, practice my smile in the mirror then go outside and do what I have to do.
While im in my room at night the abalanche of what i couldn't feel all day comes back, i cut to bleed it out, or research ways of killing myself.... it somehow calms me down knowing I can go into the void if it ever becomes unbearable.
Despite that i feel like im the funniest guy in the room, yet i feel no connection with the people around who are laughing.
It's one of the most hollow ways to live.

How much of that would you say is pressure other people put on you? Do you think it would it feel good to show how you really feel and tell them you resent living (if you do) etc... ?

 

[colcol]

unhappyness depresion and suicidal thoughts are easily covered up by a smile and a "everythings ok" comment , iv been doing it for quite some time ....

 

[hate_myself]

How much of that would you say is pressure other people put on you? Do you think it would it feel good to show how you really feel and tell them you resent living (if you do) etc... ?

Id say is more pressure on myself, if i allow myself to not be the persona I've been cultivating then I feel like a complete and utter failure. My mind always tells me that im not allowed to feel in front of ofher people.
And even then how could u tell people like family things like "hey mom, your son feels utterly depressed and wants to kill himself".... there's no way to sugar coat that

 

[MoreThanAFeeling]

A smile is like wearing a band-aid, they cover up the pain. But still it hurts.

 

[seafarer]

The Asperger's doctors and other councillors said since I have lived with this undiagnosed for my whole life my whole facade when out is just a self taught coping mechanism from watching and coping when other smile ,laugh ,make eye contact etc. It only when I'm under severe stress oflr pressure like in these assessments it all sort of falls about Nd I begine looking down at feet,seating ever so slightly and shaking hands and feet to name a few. Along with finding up hard to talk cognitively and I forget words and stuff like a blank slate. It so why any message I wrot on here tends to be excessively long winded and I go odd on al tangents. It's because my mind just goes into overdrive with so much coming out I can't stop it. So I'll stop it there

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I can relate. I was shy but when I started feeling suicidal I became more talkative and outgoing like it gives me a fuck what people think about what I say if I'm going to ctb anyway.

 

[RottenDeer]

Personally, I am hiding my illness behind a mask of jokes and realism. People know my view on world is dark but not THAT dark.

 

[1DayItWillBover]

yes

 

[Largeletters]

I live like that every single day, i dont know why but the only moment i can allow myself to feel the emotions i've had all day is when im alone in my room and everyone else is asleep.
Been doing this for 4 years, sleep, wake up, practice my smile in the mirror then go outside and do what I have to do.
While im in my room at night the abalanche of what i couldn't feel all day comes back, i cut to bleed it out, or research ways of killing myself.... it somehow calms me down knowing I can go into the void if it ever becomes unbearable.
Despite that i feel like im the funniest guy in the room, yet i feel no connection with the people around who are laughing.
It's one of the most hollow ways to live.

I am so sorry you go through this. I know what you mean, to an extent. I make my boss and coworkers laugh yet I don't really... I don't know. I know I have a general connection with these people but it's almost as if I can't be honest.

 

[painoflife]

Yes. I will ask everyone else how they are and listen to their problems but when asked I simply say I am ok as its easier like that.

 

[Indieblue]

I smile and laugh but feel hollow empty feeling inside because i know it means nothing.

 

[ManWithNoName]

I guess it must be even harder if you 'have it all'. She seemed like an idealistic person AND a perfectionist which are two bad traits for living in this world. At least the parents seem to handle it quite well (not to commit the same fallacy of inference as they did with her daughter though).

In the presentation it stated she went to a concert with her dad, and she hated it despite telling her father otherwise—she seemed to have been wearing an über mask of sorts.

In my mother tongue we have such an uncommon proverb: "The more person is laughing, the more pain they feel".

Every scene in that news report the girl is so happy, I wonder if she was always like that all the time—if so then that would be a red flag.

 

[Sk1n1M1n]

Its a common thing really, especially if you are in a profession where you've gotta be helping others and can't show "weakness" so in the end your like, well i am taking on lots of people's problems but what about my own feelings and emotional health. i can see why nurses, social workers end up leaving the profession or heading towards management, lecturing etc cos being a human can be so overrated. We get bogged down talking service users, acting on their behalf and often our work is thrown down the toilet... it's just not fair.

 

[Proto]

It's easy to wear a mask but very very tiring. We do it everyday at work and around friends.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

The Asperger's doctors and other councillors said since I have lived with this undiagnosed for my whole life my whole facade when out is just a self taught coping mechanism from watching and coping when other smile ,laugh ,make eye contact etc. It only when I'm under severe stress oflr pressure like in these assessments it all sort of falls about Nd I begine looking down at feet,seating ever so slightly and shaking hands and feet to name a few. Along with finding up hard to talk cognitively and I forget words and stuff like a blank slate. It so why any message I wrot on here tends to be excessively long winded and I go odd on al tangents. It's because my mind just goes into overdrive with so much coming out I can't stop it. So I'll stop it there

You are totally fine pleas believe me.

Please take a look at the news. If you can't assume an outsiders perspective to your own culture, fine, watch some North Korean News. Now look how strange the people behave. Look how deprived the average human is. Look how fucked up our world is.
Being different from the average human being is not a bad thing. It's just the average human beings that want to make you believe so.

In Nazi Germany these average human beings would have called you crazy if you said Jews were valuable human beings. In the US of the 18th century people would have called you crazy if you said black people are just as intelligent as whites and deserve human rights.

Look at the insanity of the world. You have to be insane to think all of this is normal.

Who knows maybe you are one of the few really sensible people walking the earth right now.

 

[BPD Barbie]

we all wear masks to an extent

Basically this. I put on a mask to almost 99% of people. They'd probably describe me as outgoing, smart etc, but honestly they don't know the real me. Not many people would like her I guess. The depressive, suicidal self harmer.

 

[seafarer]

I just find it mentally draining in myself having to almost feel like I'm acting in a play everyday of my life. That's why I live alone as soon as I'm with someone I get more and more anxious and stressed the longer I'm not alone that leads to be getting snappy at people over little thing and stupid things. I couldn't even live with parents because I just need my own space to such a degree even being alone on a room isn't enough because of all the noises and movement I hear in house around me gets my tension rising as I'm thinking they might come in to talk or something.

People think it sounds so lonely and can't understand it. I go to see my mum a bit more now my dad died I get their about 8am by 1qam I'm ready to leave as I can already feel the trees rising even on my meds to help with all that crap.

I wish they would all just accept I am happiest when I'm totally alone.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

I just find it mentally draining in myself having to almost feel like I'm acting in a play everyday of my life. That's why I live alone as soon as I'm with someone I get more and more anxious and stressed the longer I'm not alone that leads to be getting snappy at people over little thing and stupid things. I couldn't even live with parents because I just need my own space to such a degree even being alone on a room isn't enough because of all the noises and movement I hear in house around me gets my tension rising as I'm thinking they might come in to talk or something.

People think it sounds so lonely and can't understand it. I go to see my mum a bit more now my dad died I get their about 8am by 1qam I'm ready to leave as I can already feel the trees rising even on my meds to help with all that crap.

I wish they would all just accept I am happiest when I'm totally alone.

I get that! Some people just need a lot of space for themselves. I don't get how people can live so crowded in cities and shared houses. Optimal scenario for me would be a big house near a forest, with a long driveway and half a mile between it and the neighbours at minimum. All this is telling me is that you are a very sensitive and perceptive person; this is not a bad thing, you just live in the wrong place with the wring people around you, in the wrong historical period (overpopulation, cars, airplanes, etc).
.

I'm reading Schopenhauer right now and he equated sensitivity to noise with intelligence :-P Maybe I should look up that chapter for you.

 

[seafarer]

Y actually went thru a phase about 5 years ago after being commited that I scored high on the Asperger's tests and the sociopath test with very low empathy scoredls,this made sense to be because I have just a very mechanical robotic look at situations and come from that point of Fe and often seem cold and uncaring.

But the one main thing the Asperger's psychiatrist said to me that changed how I look at it all is that it isn't that I don't feel empathy or emotion for people and situations it is the total opposite and I care and feel too much that my body protects my mind to such a degree from breakdown that it blocks out as much of the feelings it can and can't distinguish fully between negative and positive so almost like a switch in my head goes of as a coping mechanism.

This helped my look at things different and then analyse them and mentally try to convetly the emotion that I should be feeling and most probably am deep down.

Upside it allows me to deal with things.like.my dads death and the resulting issues that all entails whilemmt.mother couldn't have been able to cope with any of that without breaking down.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Y actually went thru a phase about 5 years ago after being commited that I scored high on the Asperger's tests and the sociopath test with very low empathy scoredls,this made sense to be because I have just a very mechanical robotic look at situations and come from that point of Fe and often seem cold and uncaring.

But the one main thing the Asperger's psychiatri said to me that changed how I look at it all is that it isn't that I don't feel empathy or emotion for people and situations it is the total opposite and I care and feel too much that my body protects my mind to such a degree from breakdown that it blocks out as much of the feelings it can and can't distinguish fully between negative and positive so almost like a switch in my head goes of as a coping mechanism.

This helped my look at things different and then analyse them and mentally try to convetly the emotion that I should be feeling and most probably am deep down.

Upside.itnitnallows.me.tomdeal.with things.like.my dads death and the resulting issues that all entails whilemmt.mother couldn't have been able to cope with any of that without breaking down.

yeah man I can relate to a lot of what you say. Both of my grandfathers died last year and I didn't feel a thing; not even empathy towards my father, who took the loss very badly. But then there's moments like when I get angry at my cat and scare him off when I tear up because I treated him unfairly; or I feel guilt for hours on end because I accidentally stepped on a snail in the dark, and on and on. Maybe your therapist is right and we need that kind of defence mechanism.

How long has it been that your father has died if I may ask?

 

[CursedForDisaster]

Everyday...it's not even of happiness but a lack of my sheer misery

 

[seafarer]

My father passed 27 sept last year i always still say a few months but it's crazy how quick time passes and I don't perceive it.wjen I'm asked about things in always things yeah a few.months ago,then turns out it was over a year. Like suicide attemo I mentioned earlier it's been 5 years or more that's only because doctor looked it up after me asking and I said probably 2 years ago..he was like well they is certainly wrong and it was 20014 of some shit. I just have holes of time. Probably doing 2g of heroin a day for a couple of years didn't help with that lol